He slept with his sister in law!

[paulakea]

Hi
I went out with my current bf 5 years ago but we split as he slept with his sister in law. (His brother does not know). His brother and sister in law had 4 kids but a 5th came along after my bf slept with her - its was a mystery as to whos the baby is as she slept with a few people!
5 years we are back together as i do love him but yesterday i could not get hold of him all day and he said he was out with the sister in law and some of her kids and left the phone in the car.
i think i trust him but i hate her for what she did.

[paulakea]

sorry teag1rl called the baby a brat!! i love her actually and spend alot of time with her - no it aint her fault!
he said 'you have to understand i need to spend time with my family' after his trip out with her and the kids yesterday!
i said no more on the matter.

[mazie]

personally, I wouldn't trust anyone that betrayed their own brother

[teag1rl]

I agree with mycats though, He should stop spending time with her if he has any hope of staying with you. If he wont, move on. It's hard but this situation is not at all fair on you.

[ChuffingHell]

I can see why you're angry about the situation Paula, but you have decided to go back into this.

Sister-in-law's don't just go away. So you can law down some ground rules with bf but you have to accept you're still going to see her. As is your bf.

If the issue is paternity and you really want to find out (understandable), the onyl way to bring it to the forefront is to bring it up with your bf's brother and hope that he wants to know who the father is too. however, that may well open a huge can of worms so you should be aware of the potential consequences.

Either way, you have to make a decision as to whether you can cope witht his woman in your life. I can totally see why you have a problem with her but she's not going to go away. So you deal with this inthe best way you can. Or you walk away.

[PinkFizz]

How come you know and yet her hubby doesn't?

[paulakea]

My bf was actually honest and told me!
No one told him!

[drestie]

I'm with mazie on this.

Anyone who would betray their own brother like that is not worthy of your trust :(

[dancealot13]

If you are willing to cheat with your own brothers wife.... then you will cheat on ANYONE, WITH ANYONE! He did it once... he will WITHOUT A DOUBT do it again. Maybe not with the sister in law... but he'll find someone else. That's a promise. Move on.

[~Wingnut~]

I'm having a hard time getting my head around why he has to spend time alone with them just because they are family? Why on his own? I would be mighty supiscious of my sister if she kept having kids after her husband had had a vasectomy and my husband was spending a lot of time with her! Surely he should be spending time with you and the only time he would be with his sister in law, would be when he goes round to visit his brother or at family get together's. Doesn't his brother find it odd?
I agree with other's too, it takes 2 to tango but it sounds like she gets great delight from rubbing your nose in it and gets her kicks from deceiving her husband like she's doing. She just sounds charming!

[paulakea]

She is charming!!
Dancealot 13 - since we split up 5 years ago we both cheated on other people to be together!!
im sure he wont do it again as weve been thru alot to get back together but i just dont like them having time together without me being there!!
i wouldnt have a day out with his brother without him being there so y wud he want a day out with her!!
i know the kids were there but thats besides the point!

[atolhurst]

then lay down the ground rules!! tell him "don't see her without me"

if he won't do that, then what you've been through clearly doesn't mean enough.

[mazie]

the thing is Paula he says he wants to see his family, the sister in law isn't family and he's not 100% the little girl is his. If its a question of meeting his nephews and nieces why can't you go along as well?

[paulakea]

i was at work!!
normally i wud go on a weekend!!
and no the sister in law isnt what he means! he means he wants to spend time with his nieces and nephews!!
but without me...while im at work...and shes there?????

[Pippa68]

So you both cheated on other people to be together?

I have no sympathy ~ you are both very deserving of each other :o)

[mazie]

well if that's the case, I suggest all you can do is grin and bear it and hope he doesn't make a habit of seeing her when you are at work

[paulakea]

Pippa68 - we did it coz we love each other!!
BUT my question was on what he did back all those years when we were younger. the consequences of it in the future - i.e. the little girl finding out her dad isnt her dad and the fact my bf spends time with the sister in law.
i didnt want slating thanks

[4getmenot]

You love eachother, he cant love you if he slept with your sister in law. You all sound like you have no morals whatsoever.

[paulakea]

maybe he didnt love me then...5 years ago when he slept with her but he does now!!
i didnt want attacking here.
sorry

[Pippa68]

I apologise if I sound harsh. It is harsh, but if you ask for opinions on a public forum you must be prepared for this.

If you cheat, you must accept that you will be cheated on. You must accept that the people involved are all responsible for their actions.

If you cheat, then you can't cry about being cheated on later. It's a simple fact. How do you think the people you cheated on feel about you? I have no time for cheaters, so I will be on my way.

[China Doll]

Sorry, I have a headache and am getting slightly confused today so will just answer all the questions you laid at the beginning of this thread.

What should I do? - Lay down the ground rules, he can't see sister in law without you.

Do you trust him? - I can't answer that and no one else here can. You have to go with what you feel.

Is the baby his? - No way of knowing without a paternity test. He may be able to legaly request one but I don't know so would suggest posing a question to that effect and hope someone with knowledge of law answers.

The fact that you hate her? - Well, don't blame you but you're going to have to accept her if you want to keep the husband blissfully ignorant and peace with your boyfriend.

Apologies if this sounds clinical, just trying to keep up!

Good luck, hope it works out.