How easy is it to split up?

[ummmm]

I'm thinking about it

[dot.hawkes]

Make sure you have an escape committee, someone who will store you escape equipment for you, like several changes of clothes, passport, spare bank account details etc. You have to trust them. Check what you are responsible for bill wise and write and have everything taken out of your name if it is just a utility and not financial. Slowly and discreetly start to remove your personal possessions over a number of weeks to avoid detection. During the transition period, acquire evidence to present for the reasons behind the split. Most women in this situation have a back up plan, if you are male then this will be a new concept to you.

[Lore]

That all depends what you're walking away from.

Is it a short or long term relationship?
Are there children involved?

[ummmm]

Five years. Three kids from a previous relationship. The youngest being 7. So most of his life. We have a joint mortgage and I can't afford to keep the house on my own. But I don't know how to change things.

[Lore]

I ended up in a rented house, I was that determined to get out - however, it did take me a long time to make that move, it wasn't something I took lightly and for all the years I knew I didn't want to be there I still stayed because I thought I had to. Until something snapped!

Are you wanting your partner to move out then? I guess your only option is to sell the house, If you can't afford to keep it yourself there's no point in your partner moving out.
At least this way, you'll both have a clean break and possibly a little cash behind you to start again.

Rented properties aren't all that bad and as a single parent you'll more than likely be able to get some support i.e tax credits.

If you're serious about the split then it's time to start talking to each other.. maybe there's just something not right that can be fixed, maybe there's no going back, but it doesn't mean that you have to part on bad terms. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

[ummmm]

Thanks Lore. Most of the money in the house is mine because I had it it for a long time before he moved in. He's a lovely man, or was a lovely man. Now I feel I am taken for granted. I'm sick of repeating myself but i'm so sad to lose him. Is it possible to get someone to go back to how they were?? That's want I want, without that I want out. BooHoo

[Lore]

In my case there was no going back but do talk it over with him, let him know how you feel and if nothing changes then it's time to make the break. At least give him the opportunity to see where he's going wrong, maybe he doesn't realise what's happening.
Sometimes we plod on in our relationships thinking everything's all sweetness and light but the reality is, over time we change, not just as a couple but as individuals too.
We soon blossom into something much different than we always though we'd be.
For some people, the changes we go through can still work even when we want different things out of life, but you have to work as a team to keep the relationship alive.

Think long and hard about the problems and make sure you're clear on what you want otherwise you'll be sending mixed messages and will soon find yourself in the same situation as you are just now.

Hope it all works out for you. :)

[ummmm]

Thank you so much

[Roughquest]

Hello ummmm, is there anyone else involved either on your part or his ? Sorry to be blunt......five years is not a long time to be with someone really....maybe there is someone else if HE is behaving differently...jsut a thought.
All the best in what you decide - either way leaving someone or being left is equally difficult.

[Lonnie]

All depending on the reason, its too easy nowadays, people just don't want to work things through.

[unruliejulie]

Its not easy at all ummm, i did it 14 years ago and it was the most difficult thing i have ever done but it was also the right thing to do. You know yourself when something is over., Its always easier to stay in a relationship than to leave but grit your teeth and go for it if that's what needs to be done. It will all work out in the end. Best wishes and the best of luck. X

[foxydivano1]

Hi Ummm,

Sorry to hear your situation, but it happens alot nowadays. I would firstly suggest you talk to him, on your own, without the kids there. Explain how you feel now and how you think things have changed. Chances are, he hasnt noticed a change or has just become comfortable with how things are now. He may also, on the otherhand, be feeling the same as you, but doesnt know how to approach the subject.
So do talk it over first and see if you can both take steps to 'try again' - give yourselves a time frame to see if it'll work out - say 2 months - if your both still not happy, then it may be best to move on.

If you feel you cant throw all your feelings out directly to him, write them in a letter, and give it to him, let him read it while your there, and onces hes read it, explain why you have written it and what you've wrote down,. Discuss the situation, it may be just a few things that need changing and it could all work out - maybe he just needs a kick up the backside!

If not, then at least you've tried and theres no point in staying if you're not happy.

Which ever direction you choose - good luck

X