Family & Relationships1 min ago
Who is the bigger man
41 Answers
You are walking down the street, when a drunk calls you wife/partner a dirty slapper and a few other choice names. Do you give him a good slapping or just keep walking and rise above it.
The way I see it is, you could get into a fight with this person and lose, he could then turn on your wife who is now all alone and has got involved to stop you getting a beating and possibly killed, she could now be beaten up, raped, sexually assaulted or whatever.
Or if you walk on by you have a dented ego and you are both safe. I know what I will be doing!! what will you do?
The way I see it is, you could get into a fight with this person and lose, he could then turn on your wife who is now all alone and has got involved to stop you getting a beating and possibly killed, she could now be beaten up, raped, sexually assaulted or whatever.
Or if you walk on by you have a dented ego and you are both safe. I know what I will be doing!! what will you do?
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OK thanks, everybody for your answers.
I would walk straight on past, would not get involved, would not respond in any way. My partner would not respond in any way, if she shouts her mouth off, the drunk is going to pick a fight with me and back to square one.
I think it takes a bigger man to see the drunk as nothing more than silly fool and all go home safe and sound, no having to watch your back, no criminal charges for assault.
I would not want to be prosecuted or go to prison for beating up a mouthy drunk. Are they really worth it!!
I would walk straight on past, would not get involved, would not respond in any way. My partner would not respond in any way, if she shouts her mouth off, the drunk is going to pick a fight with me and back to square one.
I think it takes a bigger man to see the drunk as nothing more than silly fool and all go home safe and sound, no having to watch your back, no criminal charges for assault.
I would not want to be prosecuted or go to prison for beating up a mouthy drunk. Are they really worth it!!
I don't know, but I do remember walking down the high street when a boy on a bike said "Out tha way, fat girl!" to me as he rode past. I was with my boyfriend at the time- which was embarrassing enough, but he chose to say and do nothing. I felt really horrid- and I also lost a bit of respect for my boyfriend for not sticking up for me.
Not sure if that is right or wrong, but that's how I felt!!
Not sure if that is right or wrong, but that's how I felt!!
Scarlet, would you have felt better if your boyfriend had punched this lad or your boyfriend was beaten up by him? you b/f should have just said to you, that the lad was not worth bothering with and bought you some flowers to cheer you up, you could of paid him back for buying you flowers ;-) and the world is a happy place.
Or just let ward-minter at him?? Mind you, bobtheturkey's y fronts ... VERY SCARY!!!
On a more serious note though, I would not respond to the drunk at all, for fear that my response could put both my partner and me into a far worse situation, i.e. my partner being drawn into physical action I do not want. -
So, noxlumos you go back and batter the drunk, then end up getting done for GBH or ABH, get turned down for jobs because you now have these convictions .... or
you go back, try to batter the guy, he takes out a knife or gives you a lucky punch, you end up in hospital with brain injury or worse .... So, please explain to me , where exactly does this benefit your wife / partner / children????? Am I missing something? I'm sure your wife would love to have a hero in the family ... but a DEAD one??? And all for the sake of making a statement to a drunk??? Think about it, please! I thought you had changed your life around. Your reply really disappoints me.
On a more serious note though, I would not respond to the drunk at all, for fear that my response could put both my partner and me into a far worse situation, i.e. my partner being drawn into physical action I do not want. -
So, noxlumos you go back and batter the drunk, then end up getting done for GBH or ABH, get turned down for jobs because you now have these convictions .... or
you go back, try to batter the guy, he takes out a knife or gives you a lucky punch, you end up in hospital with brain injury or worse .... So, please explain to me , where exactly does this benefit your wife / partner / children????? Am I missing something? I'm sure your wife would love to have a hero in the family ... but a DEAD one??? And all for the sake of making a statement to a drunk??? Think about it, please! I thought you had changed your life around. Your reply really disappoints me.
hi Carakeel, I have indeed made my life what I wish it to be since leaving prison, but I cannot live my life according to someone else's values, not will I try. Just because I made certain changes in my modus operandi doesn't mean I am suddenly a Saint who always does the right thing. Yeah I know in a perfect world I wouldn't hit the bloke, but in a perfect world he wouldn't yell insults at women who are passing.Supposing I don't batter him silly then, and he becomes emboldened by his success at behaving as he pleases and attacks a woman instead of yelling? There are all sorts of hypothetical outcomes to the very unlikely scenario that was painted (drunks rarely yell at women accompanied by men, they either yell at the men or at lone women in my experience) but the question was what would you do and I answered it truthfully. I don't think it makes me a bad person, just honest and sorry if that disappoints you but there are times when you have to do what you believe is the appropriate thing. By the way that would go for any woman he abused not just my wife, so it's not an ego thing in any way, I just don't like bullies and don't believe they should be given the message that society thinks it's ok to get away with demeaning women.
noxlumos, thanks for your reply. I don't know you well enough to judge you and it isn't my place to do so anyway. My father was the 'biggest' person I have ever known and I am old enough to have met thousands of people from various countries in my life. My father was a totally un-aggressive person, who didn't believe in raising his voice or his fists, although he was also physically a very tall, strong man and could easily have floored anyone if he had wanted to. In situations like this he would protect my mother and us and walk us away safely. If this was not possible would with calming humour talk the drunk into submission. Mind you, he was a successful entertainer / actor / singer, so that helped. He was the ultimate diplomat, who never even once raise his hand or his voice to us as children. He managed always to stay calm and hence the stronger person. When he left his profession, he managed one of Europe's largest clubs and was often faced with drunks. He stood by his principles though and was much respected by all because of it! So, situations like this can be dealt with without violence or retribution, as most on this thread also seem ot think.
noxlumos, one last thought and then I will shut up I promise- I lived with a husband who thought the way you do. It was soon after we married that I learned to live in fear of him. I stuck it out for ten years, as most wives, for the chidren's sake. In fear of my life I finally found the courage and left with my three young children. Many years later I now share my life with a truly big man (average stature but huge in character and mentality)! It took me a long time to trust again, but now I feel safe, loved and so very, very happy. I am glad you feel you would never let anyone hurt a woman, but I wouldn't feel safe in your company.
RATTER, Carakeel, whyever did you ask the question in the first place? Maybe I should have lied and said I'd walk on by so I could get some sort of "Highly Commended Cetificate of Couldn't Give a Toss " and join club of the self satisfied..
Good for you , if that's the way you wish to live your lives, and good for you for having the courage for coming on here and pointing out to me the error of my ways, after all I am a "very dangerous man" so you must be so brave.
You point out in your question RATTER that you think your wife might be beaten, sexually assulted, raped etc by this bloke once you're out of the picture , yet you're quite happy to avoid the confrontation yourself and leave him to do that to some lone female that might pass later. Well BIG man you are. Let's all just look after ourselves because other people don't matter? I'm not the dangerous one mate, it's flacid people like you, allowing to55ers like this to acost people minding their own business that are the dangerous ones. It sets the precedant on our streets that this sort of thing is ok and can be got away with. So looks like we have an equally low opinion of each other.
Carakeel, you are naturally entitled to your opinion but I do resent the implication that a man who is prepared to fight another man is something that his wife needs to fear. I love my wife and she is super secure in the knowledge that I would never lay a finger on her or our children. I appreciate that in your own instance that may well have been the case, but in most people's it is not and I think the implication as you were discussing me in particularly was offensive and misplaced, as I work very hard at being the best husband and father I can be.
Clearly different people will have different ideas, according to their life experience and to their situation at the time, and I respect each individual's right to their opinion, it's just a shame that you don't respect the opinions of those who differ
Good for you , if that's the way you wish to live your lives, and good for you for having the courage for coming on here and pointing out to me the error of my ways, after all I am a "very dangerous man" so you must be so brave.
You point out in your question RATTER that you think your wife might be beaten, sexually assulted, raped etc by this bloke once you're out of the picture , yet you're quite happy to avoid the confrontation yourself and leave him to do that to some lone female that might pass later. Well BIG man you are. Let's all just look after ourselves because other people don't matter? I'm not the dangerous one mate, it's flacid people like you, allowing to55ers like this to acost people minding their own business that are the dangerous ones. It sets the precedant on our streets that this sort of thing is ok and can be got away with. So looks like we have an equally low opinion of each other.
Carakeel, you are naturally entitled to your opinion but I do resent the implication that a man who is prepared to fight another man is something that his wife needs to fear. I love my wife and she is super secure in the knowledge that I would never lay a finger on her or our children. I appreciate that in your own instance that may well have been the case, but in most people's it is not and I think the implication as you were discussing me in particularly was offensive and misplaced, as I work very hard at being the best husband and father I can be.
Clearly different people will have different ideas, according to their life experience and to their situation at the time, and I respect each individual's right to their opinion, it's just a shame that you don't respect the opinions of those who differ
RATTER, My wife is a very strong and independant professional woman ( who incidentally would be likely to deal with the situation herself without the need for me to get involved) and she certainly doesn't need me to "take care of her" when I do "my next stretch" (which isn't going to happen).
"If you think you are going to be beating up drunks to protect women from assaults you are very misguided. I tend to leave that to the Police"
Well, having been beaten up by the Police, I can tell you they do a very good job, however I have noticed a distinct lack of Police being interested in actually solving crimes, or even beating up drunks lately, so I think I'll continue as I have been thanks all the same, and leave you to your own selfish, flimsy devices.
As a point of interest reading the reply's you got you had:-
7 X hardcore "belt him" responses
(myself,Raysparx,Naz, spurslady,zorro,scarlet, hammerman)
6 X "leave it alone at all costs"
(you, Carakeel,missyR,Ethel, Admarlow,Hellion)
6 X "depends on the situation" (Morbidstorm,Lonnie,CaptSwab,Joby,Elvis, Unruliejulie),
which to me is fairly representative of the spread you'd get on any given street on any give day. It certainly however is NOT a mjority saying "walk away" now is it RATTER?
In fact over 2/3 of people who have answered you have indicated that it would be acceptable to use force in some sort of situation where that abuse was taking place, so I think you are misguided in thinking that violence is NEVER warranted inj most people's books. It often is and it's not ALWAYS a bad thing, just sometimes sadly necessary.
"If you think you are going to be beating up drunks to protect women from assaults you are very misguided. I tend to leave that to the Police"
Well, having been beaten up by the Police, I can tell you they do a very good job, however I have noticed a distinct lack of Police being interested in actually solving crimes, or even beating up drunks lately, so I think I'll continue as I have been thanks all the same, and leave you to your own selfish, flimsy devices.
As a point of interest reading the reply's you got you had:-
7 X hardcore "belt him" responses
(myself,Raysparx,Naz, spurslady,zorro,scarlet, hammerman)
6 X "leave it alone at all costs"
(you, Carakeel,missyR,Ethel, Admarlow,Hellion)
6 X "depends on the situation" (Morbidstorm,Lonnie,CaptSwab,Joby,Elvis, Unruliejulie),
which to me is fairly representative of the spread you'd get on any given street on any give day. It certainly however is NOT a mjority saying "walk away" now is it RATTER?
In fact over 2/3 of people who have answered you have indicated that it would be acceptable to use force in some sort of situation where that abuse was taking place, so I think you are misguided in thinking that violence is NEVER warranted inj most people's books. It often is and it's not ALWAYS a bad thing, just sometimes sadly necessary.
I understand everything you say Noxlumos, it just your initial response was more like that of a savage as follows, and I quote,
"Personally I'd cripple him, despite having got over my anger management problems. I'd do it quite calmly as a public protection measure. The trouble with people who think they can behave like this is that other people have allowed them to in the past. If the first time this bloke tried it, someone had broken his nose and stamped his fingers into the pavement"
your going to do that to someone who said some unpleasant words.
I'm sorry its people like you the public need protection from.
Anyway I have had my say, thank you for an honest answer, sorry to criticise you so heavily but I was so shocked.
"Personally I'd cripple him, despite having got over my anger management problems. I'd do it quite calmly as a public protection measure. The trouble with people who think they can behave like this is that other people have allowed them to in the past. If the first time this bloke tried it, someone had broken his nose and stamped his fingers into the pavement"
your going to do that to someone who said some unpleasant words.
I'm sorry its people like you the public need protection from.
Anyway I have had my say, thank you for an honest answer, sorry to criticise you so heavily but I was so shocked.
sorry maybe I should have said
"Now look here you naughty fellow, inebriated as you are, I find your conduct a trifle unsettling. Be done or I'll have to soundly deal with you and give you a jolly good thrashing".
That is not the way I speak, it's not the way my community speaks ( West Belfast). I am by and large a very quiet person who mentors ex -offenders and drug addicts and believe it or not does understand the difficulties of heavy drinking etc as I once had a drink problem myself.
However, I have never abused women in the street and I really believe that it is 100% unacceptable and that such a situation warrants, on some occasions, a physical response.
Perhaps it's a communication difference or perhaps we really are as different as all that, either way I'm happy for you to have your opinion, but I do resent your remarks that the public need protecting from me, that's rude, ill foudned and very judgmental coming from someone who has no knowledge of me other than a few posts on a message board.
I'm content to leave the matter lie, as we've both had a fair say but I have always found it best not to get personal in my posts, as it avoids just this sort of ongoing bickering which we've indulged in, when one person feels personally critisised or slighted.
"Now look here you naughty fellow, inebriated as you are, I find your conduct a trifle unsettling. Be done or I'll have to soundly deal with you and give you a jolly good thrashing".
That is not the way I speak, it's not the way my community speaks ( West Belfast). I am by and large a very quiet person who mentors ex -offenders and drug addicts and believe it or not does understand the difficulties of heavy drinking etc as I once had a drink problem myself.
However, I have never abused women in the street and I really believe that it is 100% unacceptable and that such a situation warrants, on some occasions, a physical response.
Perhaps it's a communication difference or perhaps we really are as different as all that, either way I'm happy for you to have your opinion, but I do resent your remarks that the public need protecting from me, that's rude, ill foudned and very judgmental coming from someone who has no knowledge of me other than a few posts on a message board.
I'm content to leave the matter lie, as we've both had a fair say but I have always found it best not to get personal in my posts, as it avoids just this sort of ongoing bickering which we've indulged in, when one person feels personally critisised or slighted.
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