I have problems with sexual feelings.

[steve208]

The trouble is that i am either overcome by desire and really interested in sex or (and usually right afterwards) am completely not interested and cant stand the thought of it. Either after sex solo or with a girl then its the same i feel dirty and that sex is wrong, also afterwards i want to never do it again.

Are these extremes of feeling natural? And i feel that i am very often taken by desire when out, maybe its natural but i always look at women i like and wish...!

But i mean i know in some ways what i have said may seem a bit jokey but its not as i dont feel i can sustain a meaningful relationship due to this and other emotional problems.

[kat_2502]

Not being funny but i think you need a couple of stiff drinks mate!

[steve208]

Huh? i dont know what you mean by that im sorry.

[Neenee]

ever thought of becoming a monk instead? solve all your problems!

[kat_2502]

If you are really worried about this why don't you seek professional help?

[steve208]

hum yes well i dunno. With all the emotional problems i dont feel like there will be anyone i can get close to.

[lady_p_gold]

Well I think the first thing I would want to know is, what is your background. Have you had any religious or influences in your upbringing that may have given rise to some of these conflicting feelings. I think that to be overcome with desire and then afterwards not to be interested is fine, just like an enjoyable meal, however the 'wrong' and 'dirty' part of it is the bit you need to address. You hint at 'other emotional problems' and as you do not elaborate one cannot tell if there is a link. As far as being natural, well sexuality is very individual and complex and I don't think that there is a 'norm'. The fact is you are concerned about your feelings and not at ease with them, and that is perhaps why maybe you could have some counselling to help unravel what is going on both sexually and mentally and to help you accept and perhaps love yourself a little more.

[Taz70]

Have you had bad things happen in the past to make you feel like this?

[steve208]

Well i have professional help thank you, but its just bugging me at the moment and wanted some input from people to help me think.

[Taz70]

Spot on lady p - you beat me to it

[Taz70]

Do you take any drugs - recreational or otherwise. Perhaps they're interfering with your emotions.

[crisgal]

i'm sorry i can't really help - i am a girl!
I would say that seeing someone you find attractive and wishing you could get closer is surely perfectly normal - so long as that's where it stays and you don't stalk 'em!
Also, i don't think there are many people who would want sex straight after just having some - or maybe there is, what do I know?
I hope someone helps you with your question and gives you asome good avice.
If you are worried about your feelings, you could talk to your doctor. he could perhaps recommend a councillor you could talk to . x

[steve208]

Well yes i think the problems do go deep but i am somewhat scared to bring them up and discuss them with my counsellor. Not because i think it wont help or he wont help but that i feel that talking about things will leave them at the surface of my emotions afterwards.

This really brings me to a question i was going to ask as well but is along the same line as this.

Is it better to keep emotional/thoughts suppressed or should i talk about them? I feel sometimes that talking about them brings the problem to the surface and i worry more but i would think the reasoning for talking things through is to re-assess them and place them back in the emotional drawer in a neat way. hope that makes sense.

[dot.hawkes]

steve every time you post on here, and it has been going on all summer, you seem very intense and over wordy, i know it seems very unusual and it is a concern, last time posy said it straight out, re-read what she said, this is not where you should be in your life you have everything to live for, try to chill oput and relax mate.

[steve208]

I am sorry if me posting here is a nusence.

[lady_p_gold]

The fact that you are talking about them here shows that you do feel a need to speak about things ..... you are not happy where you are so I would not be afraid of digging deeper.

[steve208]

Also i am sorry if things are too wordy but thats just me.

[dot.hawkes]

no steve it isn't a problem but can u not see that if you say it here you can work towards saying it in the real world and to the right person?

[steve208]

hum erm i suppose so, you mean i now need to talk about the deep down issues with my counsellor?

I have made some progress of late joing groups and doing things. Shpuld i not post any more if i need more help, are people fed up with me?

[dot.hawkes]

I think that AB is helping you, but also that you are not making the progress you would if you were able to be as clear in the real world situations, noone can say you cannot carry on posting on here, but i personally think you are not moving on from your insular feelings, you need to open up and involve yourself in other peoples lives more to get some perspective.

[steve208]

Hum ok i think that is a good idea. I am not sure how to do that though, without any real friends its difficult to get to where you describe.

I mean since signing up here i have started to swim more, gone back to charity work, joined a conservation group, and joined a social group which seems good.

i suppose i could try to go to more of the social group events, maybe go out for a drink with guys from work (though this is on the same night as the social group usually) and have a friend from uni i should go and visit when i get the chance with time off from work.