What is the real funniest Joke?

[Loosehead]

Some time ago it was announced that scientists had done a lot of research and actually determined what was the funniest joke, can anyone remember it?

[nedflanders]

cant remember but I do recall it was pants!

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field.

[JackDanielsU]

I think it was something like this

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. and is going pale.
The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: �My friend is dead! What can I do?� The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: �Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.�

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: �OK, now what?"

[nedflanders]

....or the scarecrow who won the nobel prize?

he was outstanding in his field.

[JackDanielsU]

or was it the Sherlock Holmes and Watson camping joke?

Im sure that one was high up there as well

[Quizmonkey]

Then of course there's The Aristocrats...

[JackDanielsU]

God those Aristrocrat ones are very odd...foul..but odd

Theres a "film" out with famous comedians telling their versions of it out

[Loosehead]

Yes that's the one JD first one.

QM: what's this aristocrats joke business, I heard something about it he other day and just didn't get it, maybe I didn't hear the whole thing, can you explain, cheers

[China Doll]

What's the Aristocrats thing Quiz Monkey?

(Nice thread Loosehead, some of the answers here have got me cackling away!)

[Octavius]

The top joke in the UK was this one:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off � go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."


The one by JD was first, the Sherlock Holmes one came second in the world.

[Octavius]

Oh, incidentally the winning joke by JD was nicked from a a Spike Milligan sketch on the Goon Show. (might post this useless fact in that other thread).

[JackDanielsU]

The Aristrocrats joke isnt really a joke.

Def not for the faint hearted..though some comedians tone it down....some crank it up to very taboo subjects

http://www.dead-frog.com/aristocrats/

http://www.thearistocrats.com/

You have been warned

[China Doll]

LFAO!!!

Good grief.... well now... that was... erm...unexpected!

[Loosehead]

OK OK I must be thick or something but what's the kin punch line? I read one of the aristocrat jokes and I just can't see why it's funny. "Great act, what do you call it?" "The Aristocrats" why is that funny? why?

[Trotbot]

The joke was assessed on how it crossed over to other languages and nationalities, and the Milligan genius was such that it really was fun for all the family

[Octavius]

It is assumed that no matter how depraved the act is descriobed and no matter what level of debauchery is described, that this would just be a typical 'act' for aristocrats.

Not really funny, ever.

Because the sense of what an aristocrat is has faded in many countries, the final line may simply be seen as the end of a rather bawdy joke rather than a punchline. In some regions the name of the act is "The Sophisticates" or "The Debonaires".

[Octavius]

Oh, and whilst I am on a role, the Sherlock Holmes camping joke was apparently nicked from Les Dawson song.

"In awe I sat and watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked up at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory"

[dayoff]

why has david hasslehoff changed his name to thehoff hes fed up with all the hassle

[bimbim]

Joe walks into a pub with a box under his arm.Orders a pint & sees another guy sitting on his own in the bar , so he asks him if it's ok to join him.Sure says the other guy, who's name is Geoff . So they're chating away & after awhile Geoff says "hope you don't think I'm being nosey but what's in the box?" Joe says "pal it's your lucky day , inside this box is a gobbling frog" "A what" says theGeofff. "A gobbling frog , this frog will give you the best blow job you've ever had & seeing as i'm a bit broke it's yours for a tenner" Geoff looks a bit doubtful so Joe says "ok , go to the loo try it out & if you agree it's a tenner , if you don't you get a free blow job"

Geoff goes off , 10 minutes later he's back with a big smile on his face "you've got a deal"

So Geoff goes home to his wife , walks in the door & puts the box on the table. His wife says "Whatt's in the box?" Geoff answers "A gobbling frog".
"well what about it? asks his wife

"Teach it to cook & **** off!"

[bluevern]

a bloke walks into a pub,,sits down with his pint.
suddenly the barman starts pulling a pint,,,then shouts to a bloke sitting at the end of the bar,,"come get yr pint you donkey",,,,the bloke gets up and takes the pint.
the first bloke still sipping his pint thinks to himself,,,cheek of that barman,
about ten mins later the barman does it again,,,and again the bloke at the end of the bar gets up and gets his pint again,,,
just then the first bloke says to him,,
oi mate are you going to let him get away with that,,,calling you a donkey all the time or what,,,,
to which his says ........i know mate ,,,eeoor,,,eeoor,,,,,eeoor,,,,he always calls me that,,,,,,