turmoil update part 2

[wizzer]

She just told me if we had no kids we would split. I'm to have the kids she will move out, but there's nowhere 4 her to go. I think she wants a new life without me and the kids. She is adament i have the kids as she says "she needs her independance" AAAARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

[B00]

Well if she's adamant, she's adamant. All you can do is keep the doors of communication open to her and allow her to see the kids whenever she wants.

I guess the small consolation for you is that you keep the house and children.

Take care of yourself :-)

Boo

[loobie]

Wizzer if you don't mind me asking, how old is she?? I can't believe she is willing to leave her kids behind cause she needs her independence. Surely she should have thought about that before she settled down. Hope you are as ok as can be darling xxx

[PinkFizz]

And do you get any say in this at all??

[redcrx]

Is there any reason for this sudden change of feeling? Could she be suffering from some kind of depression or maybe feels that as you do a lot of the parenting that maybe she isnt needed.
Could you suggest counselling before she makes a final decision?

[4getmenot]

Why dis she make you do a list of pros and cons when she is doing it for her independence?

[wizzer]

she is 26. my head is all over the place, she has just gone with her dad 2 buy the kids bunk beds. I really dont know what is going on in her head. She has been going out more clubbing, and her friend i guess is showing her what a good time they have 2gether and can again, I think that is what she craves her single life again, but ive told her it aint that simple when kids are involved. I'm thinking of leaving for a few days to give her space and show her that she can look after the kids. she is saying she wouldnt be able to cope with them 24/7.

[wizzer]

aaarrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh i wanna run away my head hurts i want this pain to stop now her and the kids are my life i want us happy. aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhh

[4getmenot]

so she just wants you as a babysitter. I think you have a good idea there, leave her for a bit to think.

[4getmenot]

and any girl that leaves to get that single life because they mised out always misses what they had in the end.

[Miss Inquiry]

Feel absolutley awful asking but could there be anyone else involved, it sounds like a grass is greener cry for help, she has maybe seen something she wants, be it another person/lifestyle and has got swept up in it all. The grass is rarely greener, you jump over the fence and smack your face on the concrete.
I really really feel for you, and hope she realises quickly that what she has got is not worth sacrificing. x

[redcrx]

wizzer, try and keep a calm head, youll get through this.
At 26 it must be hard to realise that your social life will not be what you are used to once you have kids. If shes working a lot and you are at home with the children then she is bound to feel unneeded.
Dont go away, if shes under pressure then the last thing she will probably want is to be left holding the baby so to speak. Try and maybe take a step back this weekend and see if she can spend more time with the children having fun and being mummy.

[sleepyj]

i think there is more 2 this than she is letting on .Do u treat her well ? .i could never just leave my kids coz i want 2 go out and have fun . maybe a hoilday or spending time as a family would work .

[redcrx]

sleepyj, it doesnt necessarily mean wizzer isnt treating her well. 4get and i know a mother who did exactly the same, left her 2 kids with her husband and moved out. Heartbreaking but it does happen. She wasnt even a young woman, just decided she didnt really want her family.

[4getmenot]

yer true she wanted a girl, first child was a boy so she tried again got another boy so she left them with the bloke.

[Hellion]

It sounds to me as if she's feeling she's missing out on life as she obviously had the kids young. Is her friend single? That would explain a lot.
You could try calling her bluff and say that you totally understand and you agree she needs her independance, should leave the kids with you and that rather than messing everyone around she she find somewhere else to live immediatley, perhaps she'd like to move back to her parents!? At the moment she has all the power, she in the stronger position because she is upsetting you and there is probably part of her that is enjoying that (it makes her feel wanted). It's a completely different kettle of fish when the other person agrees with you and asks you to move out. It may well be contrary enough to make her think twice, if she doesn't think twice and goes then I think you may have to face up to the inevitable.
The grass often seems greener on the other side of the fence - although I've found when you get there it's usually astroturf! (and so may she and come back).

Big Hug - stay strong Wiz

XXX

[eyeshade]

Have just come in on this WIZZER you poor chap, you sound such a nice bloke! Can you try talking to her dad as you say she has gone with him today shopping, it might be worth speaking to her mum and dad if you get on well with them, they may be more receptive and know slightly more especially if they see how hearbroken you are plus they want to see their grandchildren presumably. Grands are usually much more sane. Unfortunately there are a lot of young girls now, once they start clubbing and get in with a crowd, that's all they want to do, I have seen it several times with my sons. Has anyone said anything to the children yet or are you waiting until you can discuss it properly?? Oh I do feel for you today.

[sunnyday2d]

hello wizzer,
this may be no consolation to you but if she does decide
to go, then in the long run she will be the loser, as she gets older clubbing and imature independence will seem
rather hollow. whereas you will have your children who will love and respect you, they will probably have nothing but contempt for her.and when your children become adults
they will be there for you, you will be a family, and who knoes you may meet a lady who appreciates you.
all the best.

[joby1]

mn.. ooops wizzer, how are you doing now?

Your GF can have her independence and have her chidren you know. Do you 'father' her?

Take a step back, let her get on with it a bit, don't smother her!
regards joby1

[Hellion]

Ah Thanks to Joby I know who you are now.

Just to say BIG hug to you

XX