Insecurities

[lifeandsold]

I posted a question last week about how insecure my wife was becoming over my secretary. Anyway, I took all of your comments on board and I took my wife out for a romantic meal over the weekend, it was an n expensive restaurant and I gave her (a lot) of money as a present to go and buy something nice to wear. So, we are sitting in the restaurant talking in general about things, our child, home, planned holidays etc when she asks me outright if I am having an affair with my secretary, I told her that No, I wasn't. She didn't like this answer and said that she thought I was lying and if I told the truth now we could work things through, but I told her the truth again and said No, I also told her that here wasn't the place to have a heated discussion about this, to which she replied I must have something to hide, not to want to talk about it. The whole evening was ruined and all I had done was try my best to make her feel special as you all told me to do. I have been given the cold shoulder since then and I do not know what else I can do. When we are in a quiet romantic place together and she still goes on like this, I can't see that there is any more I can do. Surely it is down to her to sort this out in her own mind now?

[ummmm]

yada yada yada yada

[nic2006]

hi there,
why does she think you are having an affair? has she seen or hear anything or just has a 'gut' feeling?
women do believe we have a strong sense of truth and follow our gut instincts which are not always right. It seems your wife is very insecure....do you know why this could be? Has anything changed recently to make her question you and your relationship? Sorry too many questions!
If ou want to make this work somehow you need to PROVE to her nothing is going on.

However there is one option to be considered and its not a nice thought...sometimes when people are cheating themselves they accuse their partner of the same to try and make themselves feel less guilty. I am not saying she is doing anything but it may be worth thinking about. I really hope this works out for you - life is too short and too hard anyway to have this additional stress xx

[4getmenot]

that was a bit uncalled for ummmm. I'd say she is very insecure and she needs to look at herself first and sort herself out. Nothing you can do now.

[naz_nomad]

look mate, it's pretty obvious ... we all know you're banging your secretary ... you know it ... your wife knows it ...

We fear thou doth protest too much ...

[spurslady]

Don't waste your money in future take her for a McD's drive through or a chippy tell her see can order anything on the menu as long as it doesn't cost over �5 and then let her yell to her hearts content. Seems like a no win situation. Go book a relate counsellor now.

[redcrx]

giving her a lot of money to buy something nice is almost as guilty sounding as giving her chocolates and flowers out of the blue, if she already thinks you are up to something.
Cant you just compliment her, spend time with her and give her no reason to think these things?

[ummmm]

No it's not.....he comes on, asks his questions and then goes into other threads and gives us grief....

so yada yada yada

[lifeandsold]

Excuse me! I have never given you 'Grief'

[ummmm]

Yes you have

[hectic]

Hi lifeandsold, I think now is the time for "shock tactics," she obviously is insecure although she should trust you as this is the main basis of all relationships. I would suggest giving her an ultimatum and tell her that if she doesn't trust you that you will leave and if need be go and stay with a friend or family for a few days and see if she realises the error of her ways!

[lifeandsold]

About what?

[ummmm]

And we can't prove it because it got banned

[Tiny E. A]

I'd say that if you've really tried showing her that you love her (one night spending a lot of money doesn't count) and want to be with her then there isn't really much you can do. There seems to be a breakdown of communications, do you spend time together everyday? Do you talk or sit in silence? It sounds to me like you want people to tell you there's nothing you can do. Do you want to leave her but need justification from strangers or do you still want to be with her? I'm sorry if you;ve explained all this before, I don't think I've read your other posts.

[lifeandsold]

You can prove anything if neseccary!

[nic2006]

must say you dont sound too bothered - have changed my opinion from my last post. Tell her the 'truth' if she doesnt like it then divorceville here you come.

alternatively if you love her that much and you are innocent - CHANGE JOBS.

[ummmm]

People are replying to your question....surely you should be more interested in what they have to say.

[oopsydoopsy]

Go sh@g your secretary and give her something to really shout about. If my hubby suddenly started buying nice things and taking me out for little reason, I am damned sure I'd think there was something a bit odd going on.

[spurslady]

Do you really want our advice? In your heart only you know how to make your wife feel better.