Depression

[KittyGlitter]

Who has suffered from this or is suffering from this? I wonder if this is more common than we realise. I have which I think was brought on by losing my mum.

[JOEYGREEN]

I suffered with this when I was about 18, so I was quite young really. Two of my friends died and it just totally shocked me. I was also having problems with a boyfriend and everything seemed just too much for me. I was in a really bad way and my poor parents didn't know what to do. It took a while but I soon came out of it. I do still suffer now and again with it but it comes it spits and spurts. I'm lucky to have a great family and a great bunch of friends.

[whiffy]

There are degrees. In a severe clinical depression you will feel that the world has stopped turning, everything looks black and hopeless, your outlook becomes bizarre and frightening. This is a life emergency, I hope you do not have this. It is impossible to 'pull yourself together' and you need medical help. For mild to moderate cases, St.John's Wort is said to help (I think it does anyway. Try Asda for the cheapest). Also, get out and do as much exercise as you can even if it is only brisk walking. Talk to friends and family about it. (Bear in mind though that a person who has never been depressed may find it hard to understand your feelings).

If you feel you are in the severe category, get down the docs quickly, modern therapies are very effective. Good Luck. In bad moments it seems impossible to think that you will ever come out of it, but you will.

[JOEYGREEN]

I should have also said that I did go to the doctor about my problem and was given medication (can't remember what it was now) and I also went to see a counsellor who helped a great deal too. Sometimes it is easier to talk to someone who is not a friend or family member.

[Queenbee spk]

Ive had it on and off throughout my life, and Im on fluoxetine again at the moment and have been for the past 3 months. For me, it can be brought on by stressful times or things I find difficult to cope with. Its like a black cloud over me and I just feel lost. I find the medication helps keep it stabilise, but its a horrible illness and you need to look after it. The thing to remember about depression is that you arent crazy, you just have an imbalance that needs help and care. We shouldnt be afraid to talk about it, its nothing to be ashamed of x

[jenstar]

Why is there a stigma attached to depression but not to unwarranted optimism? Shouldn't we regard overly happy people as deluded and mentally ill as well? Funny that one end of the spectrum is regarded as A Problem To Be Dealt With but not the other.

[makemesmile]

I suffer with depression, and have suffered practically all my life. Even as a child. I had a very difficult upbringing without proper support and guidence.

I liken it to a waterbutt - the sort of large barrel in gardens you put below guttering to catch the water. It may take a while for it to fill up, but once full, it doesn't take much to set it overflowing. It needs to be drained off periodically, else the water becomes stagnant and bad. Likewise, bottling up the many cares and strains of life can leave little room for much else, and then the slightest upset can set you off, lashing out at those around.

For around 10 months, I've been visiting a psychotherapist for is listening to the various bad episodes of my life, allowing me to cry, get angry, expose all the various feelings that have gotten stuck over the years, unravelling the knot of emotions and helping me to understand them, and finally, let them go.

The feelings of anger, abandonement and guilt coupled with a feeling of wanting to hide away and not get involved with life and still quite strong, but getting better. I don't fly off the handle quite so much now or have the feeling that I just can't cope.

I lost my mum when I was 17 and realise that in some ways I wasn't able to grieve. My father and I fought all the time and without support, I just 'got on with it', pushing my feelings down, unmanaged.

For me, depression has been a huge part of my life, but I'm hoping that with the help from my counsellor, it wont be a huge part of my future. If you're struggling with the loss of your mum, then don't leave it like I did. Seek help, talk to your doctor, get some help. I thought I'd never find any relief, but I'm surprised at how (relatively) easy it can be. When you're in a dark, lonely place full of despair, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there.

[TillyNilly]

I wished I'd had a website and people like you to connect with when I was in my black hole...but then I may not have had the energy to have found it then...
Tilly x..

[makemesmile]

That's part of the problem Tilly. I used to feel that if someone told me I could help myself by turning off a switch, I probably wouldn't have the will and energy to do it. It's frightening how debilitating it can be.

[TillyNilly]

makemesmile...I so agree....I think to be able to log on and open up KittyGlitter is one small step out of the hole....but also at risk of slipping in if she doesn't seek help now...
By the way loved your waterbutt description...I can so relate to descriptive imagery like that...
Tilly x

[KittyGlitter]

Well I'm on anti-d's, have a good doctor, see a therapist and started having a few sessions of CBT (Cognative Behavioural Therapy). I also have some wonderful friends. I've been feeling really positive for the last few months and making some life decisions but the last few days, I'm feeling in a bit of a dip again and worry that I'll be like I was before, which doesn't help! It's the anniversary of my mum's death coming up which might be linked but I don't want to always blame her death for my moods.

[TillyNilly]

KittyGlitter.....I think being aware of your feelings is half the battle...
I used to be kind to myself and say on a bad day.."ok this is a siht day but tommorrow will be better"...Eventually I found I was having more good than bad......You are doing everything to make yourself well again and have surrounded yourself with supportive people....As I commented earlier, I would have loved a site like this just to know I wasn't alone...
I don't know if you can see the light at the end of the tunnel yet?...but I'm sure you will...
Take care...Tilly x

[KittyGlitter]

thanks TillyNilly, I think for me it really helps to know I'm not alone. We go around in our lives, often thinking everyone is ok apart from us but thats only our perception of course! It definitely helps to share stories if only to feel less alone xx

[HJT40]

I was diagnosed with mild anxiety and depression about a month or so ago and put on some mild antidepressants, which seem to be working. Still hate the idea of going out for a social evening, but love it when I get there. I too have some good friends who understand, but I also have one who wants the old me back. That is the last thing I want, I think I have been suffering with this for years, but it is only recently that I felt I needed some help and far from people being judgmental I have had some wonderful support from my close family. I think there is a stigma attached because it is defined as a mental illness, I prefer to think of it as a chemical imbalance. I also think you are right KittyGlitter it is more common that we think. I have thought so many times since I have been diagnosed that someone else suffers with it, even if they don't realise it yet. I guess we can pick up the signs? But personally I feel better just knowing why I am such a moody cow some times ;-)

[TillyNilly]

KittyGlitter...I think this time of year will always be difficult for you...and other special times too...Be kind to yourself...Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your Mum....Have you a special place to go where you can place flowers or whatever...What I'm trying to say is that be aware that you are going to have these sad feelings...and that it is quite normal...then you can relax ....
I so don't want to preach and I hope my posting isn't coming across like that...Hope I have helped instead!...
Tilly....x

[TillyNilly]

PS...And you are so not alone!....

[KittyGlitter]

No, TillyNilly, you are not coming across preachy at all, you have said very helpful things, thank you :o)