Toilet noise problem - don't laugh!!

[PinkFizz]

Now I have to admit I did laugh when my friend told me this, but she really doesn't find it funny!

Basically, she has been married 4 years, loves her man to bits - apart from one thing he does which is driving her mental and slightly putting her off him. Every morning without fail he wakes up, goes into the bathroom like all people do, but the noises he makes are absolutely awful. Now my friend is still laying in bed and all she can hear is what she describes as either the worst case of wind ever, or dreadfully noisy number two's, or both!!! This can go on for 5-10 minutes, when she then hears him wash his hands and come back to bed. The major problem now is that on the weekend when he comes back to bed he wants to get all amorous and all she can picture and hear in her head are these awful farting, plopping noises which are nor turning her right off.

So as you lot are so helpful do you have any suggestions??

TIA XX

[4getmenot]

Ear plugs

[crete]

two toilets,

[PinkFizz]

lol - did I not mention that he also farts in bed constantly in his sleep, while he snores away, oblivious to his botty noises .

[4getmenot]

then why dont girls do it as often as men do Pa__ul, blokes say, I cant hold it in it hurts, but woman are very capable of doing it

[redcrx]

sounds like hes eating wrong stuff, either get him to change his diet or build an outside lavvy

[curlyperm]

divorce (well i would hehehe)

[PinkFizz]

Bless her, she hasn't got the heart to say anything to him incase it embarasses him but he surely must know she can hear. I'm so paranoid about anybody hearing me in the loo that I always go upstairs if he is downstairs and vice versa.

[redcrx]

ok she doesnt have to tell him. perhaps if she turns on a radio at high volume as he goes into the loo. He should get the message fairly soon.

[4getmenot]

I run the taps or if I have someone to stay always go while the baths running. :-)

[~max~]

Hi! If she's been been married to him for 4 years, surely she should be able to talk to him about ANYTHING???
That's longer than I've ever spent with a boyfriend, and , after about 6 months, I've always been comfortable enough to talk about anything that bothers me (and vice versa), even if it's normally considered "gross". I remember being in Paris once with Bf of 4 months, and I got a very nasty bout of food poisoning (basically needing the toilet every 5 minutes....). Well, believe me, after seeing me in that state (and not being able to always "hide" the noises" lol), we could talk about anything without being embarrassed.

[PinkFizz]

Lol - I think the problem is that she will then make feel under pressure whilst in the loo to try and be quiet when he may not help what he is doing - is it just a man thing?? That they are more noisier??

[wiggal]

I find it disgusting when my fella farts in bed, especially if hes awake, & i tell him that regularky, but apparently i do it just as much in my sleep!
But with my stomach, i dont really get much say in when it happens!

[Skreecheeboy]

I just have one thing to say on the topic; It is a sad a*se that never rejoices!

[joko]

get him some charcoal tablets from a chemist and take before bed