Domestic violence

[peppy]

A serious one. I know, but if you grew up in that environment, how are you coping now?
And if you got, or are getting help, how and from where ?

[Fee_B77]

Mornin Peppy

Well, what a place to go befroe 8am!! <gulp>

My parents had a very volatile relationship, often violent. Always noisy, threatening, scary, tense. I cope by dealing with the fact that I'm out of there. I'm a grown up and nothing scares me anymore. I have no respect for my father although I do have a good relationship with him. I simply feel sorry for my mother that she went through that and wasn't strong enough to get out. As a result I am uber strong, like I'm talking super hero proportions. Well, I am on the outside anyways. It's caused me a bit of confusion as far as living happily ever after and I've got it wrong a few times. I'm coping by learning by my mistakes and providing a loving, happy, stable relationship for my own child. It's working. I can safely say that she'll never experience that fear or worry at such a young age. Help has come in many different ways. I went to see "The Professionals" who wanted me to role play and talk to an empty chair (and they were saying I was the one with the issues, aye right) that didn't help funnily enough. So, I got through it by making mistakes. Finding what was right for me and going with the flow. There are some traces of that scared little person inside me but I've accepted that's simply who I am. I have a beautiful, spirited, funny, smart child and a partner who loves absolutely everything about me, without question. Even the scared little person inside me so I guess I'm cracking it slowly but surely, 30 years on.

I'm not sad about it, I don't cry about it anymore. I fixed it for myself. Life is good, regardless of the foundations.

not sure if that helps peppy but I wish you luck and love with it if you're dealing with it yourself. If it's for a friend I wish you luck and patience. It's a tangled web!!

Much love

F x

[melons]

Hi Peppy,
This is a very deep one isnt it.
My husband grew up in a house when domestic violence was a way of life. His Dad used to beat his Mum black and blue. Often they saw it happen but as they were so young could not do anything to help. He must have watched it happen evey weekend for a month! I sometimes sit a talk to him about it as he cannot understand why a man would do that to someone. I suppose that the emotional scares of it all go a lot deeper.
He had to get out of the house as well he actually ended up moving away and joining the services. I think he copes by having no contact with his Dad, i think that he blocks it out and trys to forget all the things that he saw and happened. I must saw though that when they start drinking a lot of things come out and you can tell that it still hurts.
He hasnt ever had help(?) in so many words not proffesional anyway.
People have different ways of dealing with things dont they? some people block it out and bottle it up while others need to let it out and talk to people.
Not sure if this has helped or even answered your question. Hope it helped a little bit! xx

[nat_84]

Morning Pep,

Me and my brother grew up with my dad's constant threatening and VERBALLY abusive attitude towards my mum.

Unfortunately one of my youngest memories was when i ran down stairs to "help" my mum after hearing him shouting at her and i saw him grabbing her by the throat.

Believe it or not they're still together but live seperately (my mum stays with him half the week though) and they work together for my dads company.

Funnily enough my dad can be the nicest, funniest man ever when he's off drink and drugs, but i suppose that goes for most addicts.

Its strongly effected my opinion of my dad and some things my brother and myself have said about my dad are just dreadful...but seeing my mum upset is the worst feeling in the world.

She says they stayed together for me and my brother's sake - but admits it was the wrong thing to do and would certainly turn back time if she could.

I think personally its made me stronger but had the opposite effect on my brother (who's 2 years older than me). My dads always put my brother down and my brother has suffered a severe lack of confidence in almost everything he does.

My boyfriend and mum think for some reason my dad's scared of me...maybe it's because i'm the one that actually stands up to him more than anyone else in the family. My dads rarely critises me but is completely abusive to my brother and my mum still...

Neither my brother or myself have seen anyone about my dads behavior.

Unfortunately i dont think much will or has changed and it wont until he wants to help himself and is strong enough to get off drink and drugs.