I'm such a mess!

[Sasha13]

Hi All. I have a big problem (or it is to me). I am the sort of person that goes for the players - the guys who mess you about and let you down. I have a thing where guys who are 'nice' bore me and I just don't seem to be interested in them. For example, if they text or call regularly I find myself thinking back off, I want to feel like I have to work at 'getting' you a bit. Ridiculous isn't it? I really want, eventually, to get married and settle down, but at the moment I don't see how I will ever be able to as I just don't seem to be interested in the guys who may be up for that sort of thing in the end.

Can anyone offer me words of wisdom to stop me writing off the 'nice' guys? Has anyone been in this situation before and come out sane at the other end? Any help appreciated would be great as it's really starting to upset me. Thanks x

[RATTER15]

I think this largely depends on your current age, as you mature you male requirements will probably change for a guy that is a little more settled. If you are mature already, then there is no hope for you!!!

[Hellyon]

sasha, I was always similar, flowers and romance made me nervous, and I felt hounded by overly nice guys. I went out with a few 'players' but I wouldn't take any nonsense from them either. It took me a while to realise I'm actually a very independant person I'm not a little woman who needed protecting and that was making me feel stifled. Once I realised this it made it easier to find the right person. Mr Hellion is superficisally a 'bad' boy as he is a musician but he trusts me so allows me freedom to make my own choices, supports me in what I do, doesn't forget my birthday or anniversaries but at the same time doesn't overly romance me or smother me. He doesn't mess me around either as he knows I wouldn't stay if he did.
So be who you are just be patient in finding the right one for you.

[confused79]

I have a friend very similar to you, and with her i think it comes down to the excitment of the 'bad guy' she had a boyfriend for 5 years who was very much into her but shr liked the facted that some 'bad guy's' she liked who were arrogant were accessible to her if you know what i mean.

She in the end got very used and abused, she split from her man later regretted it, and was mainly used for sex by the other men she went after, who did not show much interest in her these were the 'bad' blokes she went after.
In the end she felt so used and did not want to know any men, in the end a really nice bloke went after her and she is happily with a new really really nice bloke who treats her like a princess.

I think it takes a really bad experience to over come wanting a 'bad' guy if you see what i mean and also as Ratter says mauturity helps.
All of us want to feel wanted at the end of the day.
Try and tell yourself that and you shoudl overcome this.

[Sasha13]

I'm 28 so not really that young or mature! Thanks for your answers, definitely food for thought.

[4getmenot]

yes I always went for bad boys and spent the last ten years wasting my time on someone that would never commit to me. But then maybe thats why I liked him. At the same time I there was someone that would have done anything for me and sent me flowers, decalred his undying love for me in middle of pub but I was horrible to him. I am now nearing 30 and want to start thinking about settling down so at beginning of this year I decided enough was enough and that I wanted more. I told player where to stick it and I got together with the other bloke. To start with I was very stand offish with him as have never been treated good or feel I deserved it. 5 months down the line I am really happy apart from the player telling me he loves me etc and what a big mistake he made. But hey ho :-)

[Sasha13]

hey pa___________ul, yeah me again!! that's what I'm hoping I guess - that I'll meet someone who I like so much that it won't bother me that they're safe/sensible etc. Just can't see it happening!!

[Sasha13]

hi 4get - thanks very much. That gives me hope. If I'm honest then my problem is I don't tell them where to stick it and I put up with crap too long so maybe I kind of deserve to be treated like crap.

I feel rubbish!!!! I'm even listening to this!!!!

[Sasha13]

My link didn't work!

http://uk.youtube.com/watchv=91euxMQ0Zyg&featu re=PlayList&p=E139B77A9CBE2E45&index=16

[Sasha13]

My link didn't work!

http://uk.youtube.com/watchv=91euxMQ0Zyg&featu re=PlayList&p=E139B77A9CBE2E45&index=16

[Sasha13]

aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!

[4getmenot]

but thats what I thought, that I didnt deserve it but I had enough friends around me to tell me I did. And everybody is so happy for me now. And I still get to do my own stuff too. So he doesnt smother me at all.

[China Doll]

Oh please.....

Sorry, but I think this may come out grumpier than I intended....

Sasha, there is another perspective to all this actually. Players are easy. They're easy to work with, they're easy to manipulate, they're easy to get in to bed, their games are predictable and by the very definition of the fact they're players you know exactly what you're going to get. A woman who deliberately sets out to 'change' a player is either a matyr or not the full kettle of fish.

'Nice' guys take more work than a player because they don't feel like playing games, they generally won't let you manipulate them (always part of game playing) and because most adult relationships require some form of effort from both parties you will have to pull your weight and give a little too.

Hence, perhaps you should consider you like players not just because they're sexy but because they're actually much easier to deal with, they're as deep as a puddle in the sahara. A relationship with a 'nice' guy takes a lot more work and effort. Perhaps you're not ready for that kind of relationship yet. Which is fine.

[darlingducky]

Sasha im a bit lie you but no in the text way i always end up going for the ar$eholes who treat my like a mat, kinda sick of it now but the worse thing is i get hounded by the ones who i have the least interest in! like for example the one i really like i have known for years have kissed a few times and then he texts i write back and then i dont hear from him for months! what is the deal with that why bother textin at all if your not going to respond i can never understand what goes on in mens heads!!!!

[4getmenot]

but then blokes must like playes too or at least a bit of a mission, otherwise I dont think my bloke would be so head over heels for me if I'd have just handed it to him on a plate.

[darlingducky]

True True i think they all like the chase, sometimes i think i try to hard to give them the chase that they loose interest. watching greys anatomy and you know the one that goes went out with george i really liek what syhe said to him tink it was along these lines " im sick of being chased im ready to be caught" i think men like the thrill of trying to get us although still cant understand there weird and stubborn ways this whole treat them mean keep them keen cr_p!

[China Doll]

I can't answer for all blokes... or indeed any, I lack the necessary equipment. (But I've heard tell blokes like a bit of a challenge).

Also that rather depends on you too; did you consider yourself to be a player?

He may just have liked you for you and realised that you were in a situation but also that if he hung in there you'd see sense eventually?

I don't know. I just know that players are so much easier to deal with because there's nothing difficult about the relationship as there is no real relationship. One of you (at least) will just wander round in circles trying to make sense of what the other is thinking/doing. If you want some drama in your life it's fun in the short term but ultamately predictable and boring.

I actually like 'bad boys,' they're usually a great laugh and good fun. I just have a strictly 'knickers on/don't get involved' policy when it comes to them.... unless I fancy some drama or a bit of a game....