Ex at funeral

[Whickerman]

Hi Guys

My gran's funeral is tomorrow, and I just found out my ex will be attending. I haven't seen her in 12 years, but it was a bitter break up. My friends will be attending too, and when I mentioned her they were - to a man - appalled. But leaving behind the whys and wherefores, how should I react when i (inevitably) have to speak to her? (Naturally, my wife and daughter will be there too)

[bednobs]

take the high road and be polite but dont engage

[jackthehat]

Just say, " My grandmother would be pleased that you came.", if you believe that to be true.

That way you keep how you feel entirely out of the frame...........

[Beads]

I think she has a bit of a cheek turning up if you broke up that long ago....I'd steer as clear as possible from her and should you bump into her be polite as possible for your gran.

[cruella]

I really think it is bang out of order for your ex to be attending.
Still, it is water under the bridge, so just be polite and say hello, introduce her to your Wife if you have to and don't allow yourself to be alone with her. Saves any ill feeling.
After all, I am sure you are very happy now and she is just a part of your past that you have no interest in now.
Good luck for tomorrow.

[dot.hawkes]

as mad as it sounds, seriously, listen to the lyrics of the song and take the point!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v9bCOUSx-d3g

unanswered prayers

[chitchat]

What a flaming check she has - I would ignore her unless she spoke to you directly. Then I would be polite but nothing more.

[China Doll]

Well I guess she'll probably come up to you as that's what I would do and offer condolences. I just think be civil back and thank her for coming to pay her respects.

She may be feeling as uncomfortable as you and also wondering what she should say and do,

Just don't loose sight of what the day is about, be polite and cordial and I'm sure it'll be fine.

I hope it goes as well as these things can.

[sunflower71]

I'm sorry that your gran passed over.
I think you should embrace that your ex still thinks of your gran so fondly even after all these years.
Remember its your grans day not yours, your ex's or your wifes.

[Pippa68]

I agree ~ keep it civil.

I doubt you will have to get into a long conversation with her anyway..there will be others to do that with.

I would also like to offer my condolences, Whickerman. Take care x

[wolf63]

Maybe she kept in touch with your gran. Even if only to speak to her in the street.

Don't read too much into her going, she is there as a respect to your gran.

As the rest have said - be civil and don't engage in any conversation. It is always an emotional time and the last thing anybody wants is something to be said that would spoil the day.

Take the day one step at a time.

[bigmamma]

I think any family disagreements should be shelved when attending your grandmothers funeral , out of respect for her.
If you do have to talk , even if just to acknowledge that she has come to pay her respects , then keep it polite and civil ,
just as others have already said.
I am sorry for your loss xx

[Whickerman]

Thanks to you all - sound advice there. I'm pressed for time so please accept three stars each via this message.

[China Doll]

Heya, hope it went well.

http://static.flickr.com/44/125499524_8d8d1636 b2_m.jpg

^^^ In case it didn't.

Take care pickles.

[Whickerman]

Crikey China Doll - you really do have the answer to all my woes - are you sure we've never met????

Ok, just back from the funeral. As you may know, Irish funerals don't stop at the cemetery, there's always a bit of a 'do' afterwards. This time there was a sit down meal with as much as you like to drink after. It went really well! It was a great ceremony - nan would've been really chuffed - and the other one and i nodded to each other before and after and that was it. Thanks to all of you for your sterling advice - I know where to come in future!

[Beads]

Glad all went well Whickerman.
God Bless.
Beads.

[Kleiber]

Glad you all gave your Gran a good send off. I'm sure she's looking down now, thinking about how much everyone cared. Hope you're OK, whickerman. K :0)

[China Doll]

Good to hear.

Rest up and feel better soon.

[wolf63]

I always thought that Irish funerals were like Scottish ones. But we always seem to have a punch up or some other disgraceful show connected to excess alcohol.

I am glad the day was not the nightmare you thought it would be.

The day that we spread my dad's ashes in Loch Earn was like an episode of Father Ted. I look back on it and laugh, it was just me and my brother and dad in an urn!