jealousy

[jelly head]

I am extremely paranoid and jealous with my boyfriend. I've tried hypnotherapy and had some counselling to find out why but nothing so far has worked. I feell like i'm going crazy when i see someone attractive walkling by or he mentions a girls name (innocently) and i'm sure he fancies them more than me. I try not to think too much but it is uncontrollable. Any ideas???

[Greedyfly]

It is hard... have you had any problems with confidence, depression, stress before? Sometimes things like this can make us very irrational. I don't often say this as I don't like it but I am a Manic depressive and this drives me to do the most irrational things. (I am not for one second saying that you are) but from my experience I know I am jealous of everyone who go's near my B/F even his sister and it drives me insane. I too have been for hypnotherapy and it worked wonders - I am not saying I am cured butit helps so much. I have a tape to listen too everynight b4 I sleep and it calms me and makes me feel safe and secure. What sort of Hypnotherapy did you have? - I just slept in my sessions - no asking of questions or probing about in my mind. Just a relaxtion thing, maybe it would help to try this? Does your B/F show you enough affection? - maybe that is the problem? The easy thing to say is don't let it get to you and ignore the feelings but if you feel it is as bad as that then maybe you need to talk to someone. But somone different. Not all therapists are the same and they don't all have the same technique. I feel I have babbled and I apologise. But I hope you get this sorted soon.

[colinsvan]

i don't know how long you have been with your b/f and how serious it is etc... but would suggest that you seek counselling together? it may seem a bit radical but (anecdotally) appears to be effective. good luck

[Casey]

As Greedyfly said, does he show you enough affection? Maybe he does for his liking but does he do for yours? Try doing nice little romantic things just the two of you, this could help. And it may help if you text or phone each other a couple of times a day with a 'just to say I love you' message! This may sound corny I know, but reassurance is what everyone needs in a relationship. Good luck

[country_boy]

I used to be a nightmare for jealousy until I got a "last chance" from an ex. I knew she really meant the end if I carried on. Certainly gave me the incentive to sort myself out cos I didn't want to lose her. I just had to bite my lip and after a while the feelings seemed easier to deal with. It all came down to trust in the end and putting yourself in the other person's shoes. We got together through an affair so that really didn't help the trust thing, but if he has put up with so much of this from you, then he must really be into you, take heart from that.

[Hellion]

You've been given good advice, ultimately you must remember you will drive your b/f away. I know I had a very jealous boyfriend, I lost all my friends and came close to losing my job because he 'haunted' my every move. I ended the relationship to save my sanity!

[zeus]

I think jealousy is a result of certain variables. (1) lack of self esteem. (2) amounts of physical and psychological affection shown to you and others by your partner (ie bahaviour around other the other sex (3)past experiences. Sometimes it is benifical to start a training programme that will Inevitably improve your self esteem and give you a feeling of confidence. It would be even better to include your partner in this.

[jelly head]

THanks for all your emails they really do help. I think my BF shows me alot of affection at home but not outside. He's quite old fashioned. I know i will drive him away if i keep on and on. The hypnotist i had tried different things to try sort it, she even took me back in my past life which was very strange, as i was a French man?? Anyway after about 7 sessions she said she couldnt help me any further. I did have a tape to listen to but not sure it did work. Im seeing another counsellor on Monday through the NHS. I met her once and she thinks she maybe able to help?

[stevo_steve]

everytime you start to get paraniod, or jealous just relax and forget about it, all you will do is push him away if you freak out about it/ try to contol him. mabey you need to get out more, do you yourself get out enough? just hang out with your girlfriends?