No hope.....

[smudge]

My Aunt has been admitted to hospital for an emergency operation on one of her lungs. I've just rec'd an email from my cousin to say that they started to operate, but found that she has advanced cancer. She woke up to be told that there is nothing they can do for her & she will be sent home to await her fate.....

My sis & me are going to visit her next week, but as I'm bawling now, I know I'll probably do the same the minute I see her. I just don't know what to say to her to make her feel better.

How do you think you would face this very painful, sad situation.

[cazzz1975]

What a horrible situation smudge!, your poor aunt, I think just being there for her would be a good thing, I would certainly not want to spend time alone after hearing that kind of news.

[tufty7]

not good news for any member of any family to recieve, All you can do is be positive dwell on positive things even if she is gloomy, have positive thoughts , words can never be enough at this time support, hugs and comfort is all you can give and the feeling of being surrounded by your family is far better than drugs.. ...... best of luck to her

[yinyang]

Oh, smudge, what a dreadful thing for your family to go through.
I wish I had some great words of wisdom to offer you but..
There is no right or wrong way to react, no harm in crying when you see your aunt.
Take your cues from her, i think, she may want to talk it all out or she may want to just try enjoy the time with her family for what it is.
I'll be thinking of you in the times ahead, smudge. take care of yourself.

[Lonnie]

Hi smudge,
I really feel for you, your Aunt and your family,
As cazz says, just be there, her knowing your there, will help her cope with it, and its really all you can do,

[weeal]

aw smudge, sorry to hear that, I had to do the same for my dad and I managed to hold it together and be there for him despite bawling before and after, you will be stronger than you think you can be
xx

[Ice.Maiden]

Terrible news smudge. If it was me, I'd let the initial upset lie for a few days, and then spend time talking to your aunt - about all the things you've ever wanted to know (maybe about the family, or friends). Let her lead the way. She'll probably just want to come to terms with her illness at first, so hold her hand and give her lots of cuddles. x

[smudge]

Back again...

Thank you all for your reassuring answers - you're all so kind.

It was such a shock to read the email form my cousin tonight, as we all thought my Aunt would have the op & soon be well again. I wouldn't mind, but she's never smoked, so seems even more unfair.

Although I'm dreading it, I'll take a deep breath before I visit, then do as Ice has suggested & take her mind off things by asking about family & life in the 'olden' days. Thanks for that Ice.

Thanks again all - I'll let you know how things pan out in the coming days, weeks...... -xx-

[Ice.Maiden]

You're welcome - and yes, please let us know how things go. x

[Ice.Maiden]

Very thoughtful, IaP - and although it might not be of comfort to smudge and family, a friend of ours passed away with exactly the same condition about 6 months ago. With administered medication, she passed away very peacefully and without any pain. Not much - but I hope that helps a bit - x

[smudge]

Thank you, I will Ice. -xx-

Also, I'm so sorry you had to go thro' that with your Dad too, bless you. I'm sure like you, I'll manage to keep it together once I get there. It was the initial thought of visiting & not knowing what to say to her, knowing she has no positive future. -xx-

[smudge]

Sorry - my last para was for weeal. -xx-

[Ice.Maiden]

Your aunt knows it as well smudge. I'm sure she'll be aware of how awkward people might feel - so just go in and hold her hand. Ask her if she's comfortable and if there's anything you can get her/do for her. The conversastion should go on from there. x

[smudge]

Ah, bless you Pickle - you're one of the best.

Very kind of you to think of posting those words. We are a very loving family & have lots of cuddles to give to each other. So yes, you & the others are right, love certainly helps. Thank you & take care. -xx-

[smudge]

Thank you again Ice, such reassuring words too.

I can't begin to imagine what's going thro' her mind now. She still has so much more to give in life, only for it to be cut short. -xx-

[shaneystar2]

I am sorry to hear this Smudge .Bit different for me, not a close relative but a very old and dear friend of mine is in the same boat at the moment .No hope for her either so I know how you feel. I'm sure your aunt will have lots help and support .My friend has the Macmillan people on hand and they are marvellous .It's all you can do really, just give your support . Just chat to her and try and be as normal as possible. ... Life is very cruel .I am sorry .
Best wishes to you .

[shivvy]

I am so sorry that you have received this terrible news smudge.
It might help to try putting yourself in her shoes and thinking about how you would feel if you were in her position.
I think if it were me who had received that devestating news and was about to receive visits (possibly last visits) from family and friends, I would like them to be as honest and as 'normal' as possible. What I mean is that if I had a friend/relation who was an emotional sort normally then I would want/expect them to be tearful. But if I had a very straight, matter-of-fact relation, I would want them to be able to ask the straight forward questions that maybe others wouldn't ask. Also, some family members are natural clowns and it would be weird for them to come and visit me and be able to naturally deal with the whole sitaution without a joke or a laugh (if maybe a nervous/sad one).
What I am trying to say is that I reckon your aunt would want you to be just who you are - and the same with your sis.
If you need to cry, then cry - she will understand. You are sad and she doesn't expect you to try and pretend that you are not. I have been with a lot of people who are terminally ill and my experience is that they learn 2 things at the same time ie how to deal with it themselves, and then how to help other people through it. As much as it has been a horrible shock for them, they are aware that they will soon be falling asleep (often relieving horrible pain) but that they are leaving behind many many people who's hearts have been broken.
I wish you, your aunt and all your family the very best.
Take care.

[mycats]

Not much more I can add Smudge, my heart goes out to you and your family. Take care x

[banned-dot]

My auntie went through this last year, and you would be amazed at how calm yours will be, my auntie just said she had had a good life, and she was missing her Bill and wanted top be with him again, she was quite prepared as lonmg as there is the care to avoid any distress or pain we have to accept these things. It's tough on those having to deal with the visiting and the arrangements.