Gun To Your Head - If You Had To Choose...
Music0 min ago
Silly little pet hates?
57 Answers
Well, what are they? Mine are newsreaders who attempt to come out with a funny little quip at the end of the news - just read the damn news. People who use the words 'proactive' and 'synergy'. And probably my biggest - the fact that politicians are incapable of giving a yes or no answer.
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People behind you in supermarket queues who try to intimidate/hurry you by staring/sighing loudly.
Rude people with pushchairs who think they own the street.
People who make no effort whatsoever to speak softly into their phones in a public place. SO annoying!
All whiney children - especially those with timid, harrassed parents who're too scared to shut them up.
Everything by The Streets.
And I'm perfect :)
-Tourists who glare when I walk through the back of their photo. I LIVE HERE.
-People who say 'please don't do that darling' to their children who they can't control, particualrly when they're doing something which could endanger either themseves or someone else.
-can openers that will not open cans on some sort of principle, which just sabotage the can irreparably to flummox any other can openers willing to have a go.
- hecklers who aren't funny.
-'You can see this screen because you did not turn your computer off properly last time....' I TURNED YOU OFF BECAUSE YOU CRASHED!Over competitive fathers wo have to beat their six year old children at everything.
That will do for now. I'm going to go and brood menacingly.
Oh scubaboy, we pedants are in for a field day here. I have compiled a list that is headed "Just as swear words demonstrate an inability to use the almost infinite variety of the english language, I suggest that the same should be said of the use of the ridiculous words and phrases which have become to permeate the language of "management". I therefore advocate the avoidance of the following. (Some have, unfortunately, found their way into some dictionaries.):-
Touch base
Holistic
Scoping
Overview
Joined-up
Task (as a verb)
Wash up session
Flag up
Head up (why not just "head"?)
Train up (why not just "train"?)
Free up (why not just "free"?)
(what is this tendency to put "up" after every verb?)
Pro-active (there you go scubaboy!)
Singing from the same hymnsheet
Chanting the same mantra
Out-of-box
The big picture
Over-arching
Unlock the value in (to sell!!)
Broad brush
Critical path
Synergy (again scubaboy!!)
Mission statement
....and a classic:-
"Best value is a coat-hanger on which to hang joined-up governance"
Re-engineer the process
Mind set
Level playing field
Oranges with oranges, apples with apples
Impact (as a verb)
Share some thoughts with you
Twentyfour seven
Closure
Brainstorming
Roll-out
Ahead of the game
Process mapping
"I have liberated the standard conditions of an unsuccessful tenderer" i.e. pinched
Ramp up
Fixed on where we need to be
Bring up to speed
Leverage (as a verb - leveraging! What's wrong with levering?)
Down-sizing
Right-sizing
Overtrading
Makeover
Multifaceted
Engage the customers
A big (hard/tough) ask
Skill-set
Handle (as in "get a better handle on what we're doing")
Recommend (as a noun)
Chair (for chairman)
Right, that's purely my dislike of managementspeak (aargh!! that's got to be added to the list.)
I'll have to rest now and come back with my Room 101 candidates!
Volvos. And lorries overtaking other lorries on the motorway. Drivers in the wrong lane on the A12. People braking hard when they approach a lower speed limit. People forgettin to turn the indicator off when changing lanes on the A12, and people who dont indicate at all! Nervous drivers. People who cut me up and blame me. Cyclists and other bunny-huggers. And gary-boys with clapped out ford escorts with go-faster alloy wheels. Motorbikes who have their lights on full beam. BMW's. YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!! That feels better!!!
Cyclists (why shouldn't they have to pay road tax and take a formal test??)
People who go up at their sentences where intonation is not needed
People who TRY to be 'philosophical and deep' - like Dan on Big Brother
People who let their children cycle alone on the road with no cycle helmets
Jailed people, i.e. Ian Huntley sponging off the tax payers - a self contained flat and 3 appointed helpers..?!?!
The guy on the 'Pi adviceline' advert - really low voice, terribly ugly - BORING
Esure adverts with Michael Winner URGH!
I could go on - but it's late...
1. People who didn�t vote for Stuart Wilson to win Big Brother 5
2. People who didn�t vote for Scott Turner to win Big Brother 4
3. People who didn�t vote for Alex Sibley to win Big Brother 3
4. People who kept on voting to evict various other people in Big Brother 3 instead of evicting Jade Goody at the earliest opportunity
5. People who falsely try to pretend that Big Brother is anything other than a very important and highly cultured intellectual and sociological phenomenon
6. People who walk slowly along the middle of the pavement or corridor without moving to one side to let people pass
7. People pretending to be polite by smiling artificially with their mouth closed, like Bob Monkhouse did
8.Adverts or TV programmes which have the trickling sound of drinks being poured into a glass, especially with ice cubes rattling
9. Television programmes in which a telephone incorrectly goes �ring ring pause ring ring pause ring ring pause� instead of correctly going �ring ring pause pause pause ring ring pause pause pause ring ring�
10. People who falsely try to pretend that Christopher Parker on �EastEnders� is more attractive than James Alexandrou
11. People who phone in to local radio and start off by saying �I�m not racist but�� and then say something racist
12. Supermarket checkout staff who start putting my things into plastic bags without giving me the chance to pack them in my own re-used bags which I have brought with me for the purpose
2. People who didn�t vote for Scott Turner to win Big Brother 4
3. People who didn�t vote for Alex Sibley to win Big Brother 3
4. People who kept on voting to evict various other people in Big Brother 3 instead of evicting Jade Goody at the earliest opportunity
5. People who falsely try to pretend that Big Brother is anything other than a very important and highly cultured intellectual and sociological phenomenon
6. People who walk slowly along the middle of the pavement or corridor without moving to one side to let people pass
7. People pretending to be polite by smiling artificially with their mouth closed, like Bob Monkhouse did
8.Adverts or TV programmes which have the trickling sound of drinks being poured into a glass, especially with ice cubes rattling
9. Television programmes in which a telephone incorrectly goes �ring ring pause ring ring pause ring ring pause� instead of correctly going �ring ring pause pause pause ring ring pause pause pause ring ring�
10. People who falsely try to pretend that Christopher Parker on �EastEnders� is more attractive than James Alexandrou
11. People who phone in to local radio and start off by saying �I�m not racist but�� and then say something racist
12. Supermarket checkout staff who start putting my things into plastic bags without giving me the chance to pack them in my own re-used bags which I have brought with me for the purpose
13. People who write �it�s� or �who�s� when it should be �its� or �whose�, or vice versa
14. People who say �you and I� when it should be �you and me�, or vice versa
15. Homophobic people who can�t tell the difference between love and sex, and who condemn gay people on the basis of the sexual preferences of a minority of gay men
16. Racist people who think that �black� and �British� are mutually exclusive
17. The weather, because it is still hot and sweaty and uncomfortable here in London, and because all the lovely thunderstorms went elsewhere
18. Media people who refer to hot weather as �good�or �nice�
19.Innumerate people who pretend that there was a Year Zero and who falsely try to pretend that the new millennium started in 2000 rather than 2001
20. People who try to pretend that Nadia is a man and who don�t understand what the word �transsexual� means
21. People who set quiz questions without checking the correct answers properly
22. For example: people who think that Jupiter has 12 moons, who didn�t notice the vast amount of publicity for the Voyager Space Probe in 1979 which discovered a whole lot of new moons, who haven�t noticed the subsequent discovery of several more since, who use reference books which are 25 years out of date, and who think that Jupiter still has only 12 moons instead of 60
14. People who say �you and I� when it should be �you and me�, or vice versa
15. Homophobic people who can�t tell the difference between love and sex, and who condemn gay people on the basis of the sexual preferences of a minority of gay men
16. Racist people who think that �black� and �British� are mutually exclusive
17. The weather, because it is still hot and sweaty and uncomfortable here in London, and because all the lovely thunderstorms went elsewhere
18. Media people who refer to hot weather as �good�or �nice�
19.Innumerate people who pretend that there was a Year Zero and who falsely try to pretend that the new millennium started in 2000 rather than 2001
20. People who try to pretend that Nadia is a man and who don�t understand what the word �transsexual� means
21. People who set quiz questions without checking the correct answers properly
22. For example: people who think that Jupiter has 12 moons, who didn�t notice the vast amount of publicity for the Voyager Space Probe in 1979 which discovered a whole lot of new moons, who haven�t noticed the subsequent discovery of several more since, who use reference books which are 25 years out of date, and who think that Jupiter still has only 12 moons instead of 60
23. Or for example: people who think that Saturn has 10 moons, who didn�t notice the vast amount of publicity for the Voyager Space Probe in 1981 which discovered a whole lot of new moons, who haven�t noticed the subsequent discovery of several more since, who use reference books which are 23 years out of date, and who think that Jupiter still has only 10 moons instead of 31
24. Or for example: people who ask �who was the fourth Marx brother?� without realising that there were five not four, and who don�t specify whether they mean in order of age or in alphabetical order
25. People who refer to �Christian name� rather than �first name�
24. Or for example: people who ask �who was the fourth Marx brother?� without realising that there were five not four, and who don�t specify whether they mean in order of age or in alphabetical order
25. People who refer to �Christian name� rather than �first name�
26. People who instinctively denounce anything that they disagree with as �political correctness gone mad� rather than giving proper reasons for their opposition
27. People who forget that �political correctness� (e.g. anti-racism, anti-bigotry, mutual respect, etc.) is a good thing in moderate proportions
28. The Countryside
29. Foxhunting
30. The person who deleted the website on which I posted a list of 44 of my pet hates about 2 years ago, thereby making it necessary for me to spend ages thinking up a new list instead of just copying it from that one again
31. People who think that we can solve complex social problems by simplistic kneejerk reactions
32. Republicans
33. Marxism
34. Leninism
35. Stalinism
36. Maoism
37. Kimism
27. People who forget that �political correctness� (e.g. anti-racism, anti-bigotry, mutual respect, etc.) is a good thing in moderate proportions
28. The Countryside
29. Foxhunting
30. The person who deleted the website on which I posted a list of 44 of my pet hates about 2 years ago, thereby making it necessary for me to spend ages thinking up a new list instead of just copying it from that one again
31. People who think that we can solve complex social problems by simplistic kneejerk reactions
32. Republicans
33. Marxism
34. Leninism
35. Stalinism
36. Maoism
37. Kimism
38. Hoxhaism
39. The government of North Korea
40. Western apologists for the North Korean government who refer to North Korea as �democratic� without any sense of irony
41. Robert Mugabe
42. People who refer to homosexuality as �unnatural� thereby showing that they do not know the meaning of the word �unnatural�
43. Wasps
44. Moths, especially the ones who ate my old suit and made it necessary for me to buy a new one for my sister�s wedding
45. Dust, for arrogantly and impertinently accumulating after I�ve hovered, thereby making it necessary for me to hoover again later
46. People who falsely try to pretend that opponents of the European Union are �anti-European�
47. People who can�t tell the difference between �Europe� (45 countries with 740 million people) and �European Union� (25 countries with 450 million people)
48. The European Union
49. People who refer to the Liberal Democrats as the �Liberals� or the �Liberal Party�
50. People who think that �liberal� and �do-gooder� are terms of abuse or criticism
51. Peanuts
39. The government of North Korea
40. Western apologists for the North Korean government who refer to North Korea as �democratic� without any sense of irony
41. Robert Mugabe
42. People who refer to homosexuality as �unnatural� thereby showing that they do not know the meaning of the word �unnatural�
43. Wasps
44. Moths, especially the ones who ate my old suit and made it necessary for me to buy a new one for my sister�s wedding
45. Dust, for arrogantly and impertinently accumulating after I�ve hovered, thereby making it necessary for me to hoover again later
46. People who falsely try to pretend that opponents of the European Union are �anti-European�
47. People who can�t tell the difference between �Europe� (45 countries with 740 million people) and �European Union� (25 countries with 450 million people)
48. The European Union
49. People who refer to the Liberal Democrats as the �Liberals� or the �Liberal Party�
50. People who think that �liberal� and �do-gooder� are terms of abuse or criticism
51. Peanuts
52. The treacherous politicians from the Lib-Lab-Con-trick parties who are hell-bent on sacrificing our nation�s sovereignty and democracy to the wasteful, inefficient, expensive, corrupt and undemocratic EU
53. The extra 537 people in Florida who voted for George Bush
54. Newspapers which don�t report the results of elections properly
55. Hot weather making me itchy and sweaty
56. People who post questions about �tucking blanks into blanks�
57. People who refer to tanned skin as �healthy�
58. Golf
59. Anybody who is opposed to a society in which there is mutual respect and tolerance for a wide range of beliefs, cultures, religions and lifestyles
60. Anybody who dares to disagree with anything I think
61. Morons who falsely try to pretend that people never went to the Moon
62. People who think that Lee Harvey Oswald did not kill JFK or who think that he did not act alone
63. The jurors who acquitted O.J. Simpson of murdering his wife and her friend, even though he was obviously guilty
53. The extra 537 people in Florida who voted for George Bush
54. Newspapers which don�t report the results of elections properly
55. Hot weather making me itchy and sweaty
56. People who post questions about �tucking blanks into blanks�
57. People who refer to tanned skin as �healthy�
58. Golf
59. Anybody who is opposed to a society in which there is mutual respect and tolerance for a wide range of beliefs, cultures, religions and lifestyles
60. Anybody who dares to disagree with anything I think
61. Morons who falsely try to pretend that people never went to the Moon
62. People who think that Lee Harvey Oswald did not kill JFK or who think that he did not act alone
63. The jurors who acquitted O.J. Simpson of murdering his wife and her friend, even though he was obviously guilty
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