pervert husband

[tlc777]

a girlfriend of mine is always complaining about her pervert husband. for her this is embarrising and she never gets the chance to get horny herself because he is already trying to move in, which is a total turnoff to her. anyone w/this problem? how can she get him to back off so she has a chance to feel like she wants to have sex .

[smudge]

Why do you call him a pervert? I would say he sounds impatient & selfish. She needs to sit & talk to 'him' about it rather than you. If she can't do that, then how will he know how she's feeling?

[tlc777]

she has told him many times how it makes her feel to be fondled in front of company(me). Icall him a per. because all he ever talks about is sex,sex,sex. There are young children around. When she speaks to him about this she does it when they are alone. she talks to me becuase we have been the best friends for 15yrs, over half our life. how does she get around his impatience and selfishness?

[flashpig]

I utterly agree with Smudge. Plus, looking at other peoples relationships there are subtlewties which an outsider misses. Lets own up to it now, there is no friend. How is your husband a pervert?

[flashpig]

I must have been typing at the same time as you. Anyway, talking about sex isn't perverted. It's what you are doing with your 'friend' and what you are doing with us now.

[tlc777]

I dont understand? what im am doing with my friend and you right now. she thought this might be a good way to get advice for her problem.

[smudge]

Well, since you've elaborated on this, I can see why you feel he is a pervert. If she has already spoken to him about fondling her in front of you & whilst young children are around & he still does it, then I think I'd be inclined to give him the boot, that way he may see the error of his ways. She could then give him 'one' more chance, but if it happened again - well bye, bye!

[Wisebird]

Needanswers, I am sure it is your friend you are talking about and not yourself. Flashpig, women do talk to their closest friends about very intimate things, much more than men do apparently (according to my husband. I still think pervert is a rather strong word to use. As Smudge has said she really needs to sit and talk to him. Perhaps he could be persuaded that his love life could be so much better if he were to be more suttle and romantic.

[Wisebird]

Sorry, I meant subtle and romantic!

[tlc777]

my advice to her in all their problems is just what you are saying. when she says that he doesnt listen i say put your foot down make yourself be heard. i like her husband. he has a good heart. and is a good friend. i gave him a book a year and half ago. ideas on how to romance your wife. maybe pervert is a strong word to use. im not there so i dont know what she sats to him, but how can she make him understand that she needs him to be more subtle and romantic. she wants him to be more serious about it. what can she say?

[Wisebird]

needanswers: There are a lot of fellas out there like him. Perhaps if it continues like this she would be wise to say goodbye - but this is far from easy when you have small children, and especially hard if she loves him. Keep on being the good friend to both of them, and as he is a good friend as well, give him another talking to and make it quite a strong talking to. Best of luck.

[smudge]

I can't believe you bought him a book on 'how to romance your wife'. That is a very personal & intrusive thing in my opinion. You now agree with me that 'pervert' was a bit over the top. Now you say you like him & he is a good friend, with a good heart. This is getting rather confusing. I reiterate what I said earlier, I think you should leave it up to them to sort out their marital problems, beacause if he finds out that you have been meddling, you certainly won't be 'his' friend any longer. I know you're only trying to help, but beware!

[tlc777]

he has asked me what her problem with sex is. so he brings me in on the issue. i dont know how to romance your wife so therefore the book. she didnt know i gave it to him until he told her about it.

[smudge]

I'm even more confused now. I have been married many years & I know for a fact that my husband wouldn't dream of discussing our sex life with my best friend, or indeed a member of my family. Women are slightly different, in that they find it easier to confide in their 'best friend'. There is absolutley nothing 'you' can do to bring them closer together. They need to either go to marriage guidance & if that doesn't work - then maybe they're not meant for each other.

[smudge]

*absolutely

[Wisebird]

If he fondles her in front of you, express your feelings, tell him he is disgusting and walk out. This might have more affect then all the gentle talking that has been taking place. He will hopefully not do it again.

[flashpig]

In my experience there are very few men who talk honestly and openly about their sexual life. Maybe that is why porn is so poular with men, maybe that is why porn is so tutted at by women. Maybe women have, through their discussion with other women they know what is normal and what is fantasy. I would never wish for women to stop discussing their lady stuff, it probably is a whole lot more meaningful than what men talk about (on the whole - I don't want a whole load of guys saying I was giving them a bad name - but they deserve it). But the discussion of relaionships is subjective and highly irrational. One person may not understand what another put up with, yet and ideal couple might be going through hell. Maybe this is why he asked you for guidance about whether anything was up with your friend. Maybe your friend really does have a problem with sex. So maybe there is a problem with your friend. Just maybe. She has stayed with this man to the point where he is a husband. Maybe subjectively he is a problem to her, but this isn't to say he's abnormal. Your question suggested he was. The fondling may be a problem to you and to her, but, unless he knows about what is up he can't change it. As Smudge said. Okay, maybe suggesting you were your friend was rude, but why are you talking about your friend? But what do you want us to say? "Break up with him"? I have a feeling this is what you want us to to say.

[flashpig]

What is fondling? A heavy cuddle? Up the top stuff? Down the pants? Subjective. Fact.

[tlc777]

my girlfriend, not me. i am a happy newlywed. wanted to have an idea on different ways to approach her husband on being so bluntly horny, which does make me uncomfortable when he grabs her boob or talks about nailing her in front of me. she doesnt have a computer and we now live two hours apart so she wanted me to post this question for her. i personally suggest therapy for them both.

[monkeychoo]

Flashpig, youre really not helping, you keep making up questions that you feel needanswers is trying to ask rather than concentrating on the question she keeps sticking to. Sorry, dont mean to be rude. I think youre right needanswers, I used to have a boyfriend who would grab my boobs whenever we were out, I used to want to hit him whenever he did it! In all other respects he was a lovely guy but came over all pervy when we were in company. In the end I made him stop by telling him that if he did it when we were out, then there would be no sex when we got in, and if that failed Id sit him down for a serious chat to tell him how degraded it made me feel and how embarrassing it was for our friends, and that he didnt stop we'd have to seriously look at where our relationship was going. Therapy would be good as they can converse with each other in a stable atmosphere with a therapist to ask the right questions. I hope that helps.

[Robinia]

Smudge is right, I think you need to take a step back & let them sort this out with some kind of counselling. If anything goes wrong you could end up taking some of the flack. I think we've all known or known of men like this. In my experience it seems they use this behaviour to 'prove they're a man' in front of others, but actually they're very insecure about something. Let them sort out the problem, your friend will understand if you tell her that this is too much for you to be involved in.