Jealousy

[christina801]

I've miscarried twice and now my future sister in law is pregnant. I'm the only one who isnt happy for them. I feel really bad because they are just the friendliest people, and yet when the subject is brought up about the pregnancy, I just get so mad. Why am I like this? Is there anyway that I can just forget about this and just move on?

[andy hughes]

I think your reaction is perfectly natrual and understanable. Why should some be given the gift of childbirth, which is denied to others? There is no reason that's going to make you feel better, but time will heal eventually. Have you stopped trying for a baby? If not, hopefully you will conceive successfully, but if it is not to be, these feelings of anger are your way of coping with the adjustment you must make. It feels harder watching someone else progress through a pregnancy, but with time, your anger will fade, and you will learn to accept this difficult situation. In the mean time, try not to dwell on your future S.I.L.'s pregnancy - get a message to her via family members that you;d prefer it if they toned down their pleasure when you are there - I'm sure they will understand.

[christina801]

andy hughes i was trying to get pregnant again after i miscarried last year and i gave up to furthur my education so that i can give my child a better life. and i have told my husband to stop rubbing it my face but he says that i'm just being stupid then he'll snap at me.

[Doolallygirl]

Totally natural to feel angry. Miscarriage is an awful experience to go through but my cousin went through a few before conceiving and she now has two healthy kids. A miscarriage is usually just natures way of saying that something wasn't right for you this time. Don't give up hope. As long as you have hope you have everything. I would sit down with my hubby and ask how he feels and I mean REALLY feels about my sister in law getting pregnant if I were in your position. He may be feeling exactly like you. In which case it would be easier to go and ask politely if your family would mind being a bit more discreet about the new baby. I don't think that there is anyway you can just forget about your miscarriages because it is always such a traumatic experience but I think that you can move on. Time does heal wounds, it does get easier. Let us know how it goes with everything, and good luck.

[Cetti]

Oh, believe me christina the feelings you are experiencing are very very natural!! The advice you have been given is wonderful ... but there is a missing word - and that is bereavement. Your body and mind have been geared up for a baby - then to be taken away again is a dramatic shock to say the least. You need time to grieve before moving on - and move on you will, but not before you have gone through every stage. Anger, resentment etc before arriving at acceptance. Please speak to your husband,family, or a counsellor, but also understand that you truly want to feel joy for your s.i.l. but your emotions are in such a mess at the moment that this is just not possible. Give yourself time to heal and talk out your emotions - don't suppress them, and in time these memories though not forgotten will be filed way back in the depths of your mind.

[andy hughes]

In view of the additioanl information you have given Christina, you need to talk through your feelings, and his, with your husband. As a man I would never dream of saying that I understand the pain of a miscarriage for a woman, but neither would i shut off her reactions, and mine, by avoiding the issue, which is what your husband seems to be doing. Go out somewhere neutral, and public - a restaurant is good - because it prevents a shouting match developing, and you can hopefully explain to each other how these tragedies have affected you both, and how you are both going to move on together. Good luck with this, and stay in touch with us.

[Cetti]

Andy - it's so essential with this sort of traumatic experience to have a man's as well as a female perspective. If only all men had your sensitivity.....how much pain would be saved.

[christina801]

Yeah. I guess the right thing to do is to talk to a counselor. I try to talk to my husband about it, but he always finds some way to change the subject. I know it hurts him as much as he hurts me, but I guess he just has a different way of coping with it. Everytime I try to talk to a friend about my miscarriages, they also change the subject, I dont know why. I guess the just see the pain that it causes me. I like talking about my miscarriages because to me it makes it seem like their still here. I guess the reason why I am mad at my future sister in law is because all the attention that I got during my pregnancy is focused on her and I have no child to show for it.I guess the way I am dealing with it helps. I got a cat, lol. Its not the same but she seems to fill the void. But hey thanks guys for the answers, they really did help.

[Yinzer]

A cat?!! You made me laugh! Your friends probably just change the subject because they think it's better for you not to think about it. But don't fret, my grandmother had 3 miscarriages before she had my mother at age 34.

[christie]

I dont think its jeaiousy i think its a natural reaction i miscarried at the same time my best friend got pregnant at first i was so upset but pretended to be happy for her untill i realised there was nothing i could do to prevent my miscarriage,i had people telling me it was for the best whats best about it i was devestated but at the same time i couldnt take it out of my best friend as hard as it is you do get over it you have no choice it will happen for you again and i hope soon you,ll not always feel so mad its just a natrual reaction,dont be so hard on yourself.