ChatterBank2 mins ago
doesnt even make sense...
8 Answers
okay - a screwed up question, but i really gotta know the answer to this....if anyone actually does...
its the same old story huh - man says his dad, or carer or whatever abused him....so he knows how bad it was, he knows how painful the whole experience was, he knows it can be extremely damaging and destroying - so why then do they go and do the same to their son or daughter, or someone elses son or daughter, and then go to court and say "oh well i was abused as a kid so that makes it okay, cuz i didnt know any better"
what the...? that doesnt make sense to me at all...so why do some people say that? have people actually got away with not being charged or a lesser sentance or something for saying it?
its the same old story huh - man says his dad, or carer or whatever abused him....so he knows how bad it was, he knows how painful the whole experience was, he knows it can be extremely damaging and destroying - so why then do they go and do the same to their son or daughter, or someone elses son or daughter, and then go to court and say "oh well i was abused as a kid so that makes it okay, cuz i didnt know any better"
what the...? that doesnt make sense to me at all...so why do some people say that? have people actually got away with not being charged or a lesser sentance or something for saying it?
Answers
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You're on a tightrope asking this question danny - and abusers'd be on the END of one if I had my way.
According to "professionals", it's quite common for an abuser to've had this happen to themselves. Perhaps, dreadful as it is, it was the only form of physical contact they had with that person, so they think it's normal to behave in that way?
Grrr. You wouldn't want to know what I really think.
According to "professionals", it's quite common for an abuser to've had this happen to themselves. Perhaps, dreadful as it is, it was the only form of physical contact they had with that person, so they think it's normal to behave in that way?
Grrr. You wouldn't want to know what I really think.
There is a definite link between being abused and being an abuser. It makes sense that someone who had overall a good childhood and grew up to be a well balanced and rounded adult is not going to be an abuser. People who do abuse are not emotionally healthy people and they will have experienced traumatic childhoods which they are not appropriately dealing with.
However, and it is a big however, most people who were abused do not then go on to harm others, so whilst there is a link, it is not warrantable justification or an acceptable excuse. Like you say most people who were victims rightly point out that knowledge of their own abuse ensures they would never inflict that sort of pain and harm on anouther.
If someone is found guilty of an offence, there may be mitigating factors taken into account when sentencing, but I would very much doubt attempts to gain exoneration through claiming not to know they 'didn't know any better' would be accepted.
However, and it is a big however, most people who were abused do not then go on to harm others, so whilst there is a link, it is not warrantable justification or an acceptable excuse. Like you say most people who were victims rightly point out that knowledge of their own abuse ensures they would never inflict that sort of pain and harm on anouther.
If someone is found guilty of an offence, there may be mitigating factors taken into account when sentencing, but I would very much doubt attempts to gain exoneration through claiming not to know they 'didn't know any better' would be accepted.
My father beat the sh1te out of me, to the point that I amd heavily scarred and suffered permanant brain injuries and have had a lot of psychological issues and problems with anger management.
However, despite having a undeniably violent streak and having an exceptionally short fuse, I can honestly say that I made a decision very early on, when still a child in fact, that I would NEVER hit or harm my children.I have stuck to this, to the point that in fact I don't even raise my voice to my children. This is, accoordning to a psychiatirst who once assessed me, because I am trying to recreate the type of childhood that I wanted, rather than the rather sh1te one that I had, and is again a form of control as ruby has mentioned.
The anger that I felt was directed outwards from my family to people who were deemed to be a threat to it, sometimes in a very broad sense, and I must admit that there was a time when I found violence immensely soothing, however i can never concieve of a time when I would have found it possible to consider abusing a child, and although we might have cr4p role models, be brought up by psychos', be hot and harmed by those who should protect us, I don';t believe that ever should be used as an excuse to justify the propagation of violence against children. We all have a choice. We must learn to evolve and to excercise it and not hide behind our own misfortunes.
My father has lost any power he ever had over me, because I have not visited that abuse onto my children, so anything he did to me is no longer important, he has no power, he's just a sad man who missed the joys of parenthood, whose rotting in the ground with no-one to mourn him.
However, despite having a undeniably violent streak and having an exceptionally short fuse, I can honestly say that I made a decision very early on, when still a child in fact, that I would NEVER hit or harm my children.I have stuck to this, to the point that in fact I don't even raise my voice to my children. This is, accoordning to a psychiatirst who once assessed me, because I am trying to recreate the type of childhood that I wanted, rather than the rather sh1te one that I had, and is again a form of control as ruby has mentioned.
The anger that I felt was directed outwards from my family to people who were deemed to be a threat to it, sometimes in a very broad sense, and I must admit that there was a time when I found violence immensely soothing, however i can never concieve of a time when I would have found it possible to consider abusing a child, and although we might have cr4p role models, be brought up by psychos', be hot and harmed by those who should protect us, I don';t believe that ever should be used as an excuse to justify the propagation of violence against children. We all have a choice. We must learn to evolve and to excercise it and not hide behind our own misfortunes.
My father has lost any power he ever had over me, because I have not visited that abuse onto my children, so anything he did to me is no longer important, he has no power, he's just a sad man who missed the joys of parenthood, whose rotting in the ground with no-one to mourn him.
What a fantastically well balanced person obNOXious is! Truly misnamed! Would that everyone in the same position could cope in such an examplary way! I think the nail was hit on the head with the words 'My father has no power over me anymore'. It must be incredibly difficult, if not impossible, for a young child to think like that; a child clings to a violent parent because, ultimately, s/he needs to for survival. But it is essential in adulthood to be able to release the power a violent person has had over you and so be able to move on without fear or resentment. Of course there will be regret but it is the other two emotions that would taint the rest of your life - and the lives of those close to you.
Not all people are as strong as obNOXious. Perhaps many become so emtionally and mentally damaged, they don't know how else to behave? I was involved recently with 10 year old delinquents, whom the police are already excusing for their antisocial behaviour because they are treated so badly at home!! What hope is there!!!
Not all people are as strong as obNOXious. Perhaps many become so emtionally and mentally damaged, they don't know how else to behave? I was involved recently with 10 year old delinquents, whom the police are already excusing for their antisocial behaviour because they are treated so badly at home!! What hope is there!!!
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