Heartache

[goodgirl]

Its an awful thing heartache but I want to know if I feel it unecessarily.. My fella loves porn and I've caught him looking at porn a million times but worse he is signed up to a (sexual) meet people website. In his profile he said he wanted to meet someone but when I asked him, he put his profile on there out of curiosity and you have to pay to interact. Can pictures and words alone justify so much heartache as when I look at it in black and white, thats all it is..

[Greedyfly]

Although not opposed to porn or to trying new things - this would bother me slightly. Not so much the curiosity but the fact that it is a sex site and not just a regular meet people sight. Question him! Ask him why he feels he needs to chat on such a site, make it known you are uncomfortable and don't like the idea. But don't push to hard or boss him - as I am sure you know, they just won't listen.

[buchanan]

I don't think an interest in Porn is, in itself something to worry about. So many men are into it - they are just so much more visually stimulated than women. His desire to take it further than just looking sounds a bit concerning - button him down on that one.

[xxlizziexx]

heratache is a painful thing. im only younge so i dont no how horrible it can be but its hurts me before. i no this isnt an answer to your question but i just thought i would say that for me i write alot of things out, poems, songs or just write all the pain away well try it. for me it works. just an idea.

[evolution]

xxlizziexx, that is great! Not the heartache of course but the writing! i used to do that when I was a teenager but have completely stopped now, so keep it up. If it helps to clear your head , great but it's wonderful to be creative about things too.

[andy hughes]

It's not the pornography that's bothering you - it's your boyfriend's response to the fact that it bothers you. The fact that you have caught hin 'a million times' indicates that he makes no effort to take note of your feelings, and access these sites when you are out, or asleep, or doing something else. I would agree that looking at porn per se is not an issue to worry over, but your partner's unwillingness to address your concerns is something you need to talk to him about. He may be embarassed, but tell him, if he'as adult enough to be in a relationship, he's adult enough to discus its issues, and they are not always happy discussions. If he refuses to discuss your thoughts, you need to think seriously about where this relationship is going. Good luck.

[monkeychoo]

Like the others I dont think looking at porn is a problem (just as long as he shares some o good stuff with you!) Id be more concerned that if he is looking for others to participate in flirting/sex/cybersex etc he cant be honest and tell you straight. If its merely an experimental thing, you two need to discuss which is more important to him - your feelings or his curiosity. We'd all like to pinch the bum of that really cute guy in the pub for example, but we dont as it would hurt and embarrass our partner and make it look like we have zero respect for them. Its the same thing, we cant always have what we want, and if its just harmless fun for him, he needs to curtail it until you both find a compromise

[Yinzer]

I think andy is right, atleast that was the issue with my husband a little while ago. No matter how insecure or inferior it made me feel, no matter how many times I asked him to just chill for a while until I'm feeling more self-confident, he just got more and more sneaky. Eventually I got more comfortable with it, but I still have a sore spot from the simple fact that he was so inconsiderate. I don't know about this wabsite, there's a difference between thought and action. And it sounds like he's crossed it. Although at the same time, an unfulfilled sexual fantasy can have a lot more power over a person when it is denied than when it is occasionally indulged. Talk to him and see if there's anything you can do to pitch in. If not then, well, I don't know... chop his penis off and throw it into a corn field.

[dorisday]

I agree with part of what Yinzer says, I would talk to him and see if you can get involved. I also think that providing he doesn't leave the house and he just 'plays' on the net, I can see no harm. But you do need to talk to him about it.

[Miss Zippy]

Unless I've misunderstood something, it seems to me that the bottom line is, he's looking to meet people he can have sex with. He may be saying it's just curiosity at this stage, but we all know where curiosity can lead us. If he does go ahead and fulfill his fantasies, he's putting you at huge risks. Is this really the sort of guy you want to waste yourself on? Call me old fashioned, but what he is up to is not compatible with an exclusive, loving relationship.