Am I overreacting?

[legal girl]

I just wanted some opinions on whether you think I'm overreacting or not. I got engaged a couple of months ago and am getting married in 2010. I made a point of going around personally telling everyone, including my best friend who I've known for nearly thirty years and I also asked her to be bridesmaid. This morning she phoned me and said that she's now engaged. She said she'd tried to "clear some space" in her diary to come and see me but hadn't been able to so told me over the phone. She also said that she's getting married next year and gave me the date.

I feel a bit put out that she couldn't find the time to tell me such happy and important news in person, and also as she's getting married next year I feel a bit like she's peeing on my bonfire if you get what I mean - her wedding will overshadow mine and she won't be interested in my preparations.

Am I just being oversensitive?

[another-view]

Yes.

[Sgt.Rock]

In a word - yes (and perhaps a little jealous).

[redcrx]

yes, i think youre being a bit oversensitive.

you cant expect everyone you know to wait until you are married before planning on getting hitched themselves or even waiting to arrange anything.

and just because you felt your news was important enough to tell anyone personally doesnt mean that your friend feels that she must do the same.

Just be happy for her as Im sure she is for you. Youll have a year after her wedding to ask her for help planning yours

[4getmenot]

yes you are overreacting, just because you made it round to everyones to tell them personally doesnt mean all people have the time. And that last bit 'her wedding will overshadow mine' seems quite selfish, What you going to do stop every other wedding till after year 2010. Be happy for her as you said you've known eachother over 30yrs so that to me says you must be good enough friends to put this to one side and also you should be old enough to be happy for her.

[China Doll]

Oversensitive is one word... 'brattish' is another, (although possibly not in the dictionary.

Weddings are personal things so just because you went around personally to speak to everybody doesn't mean your best mate will. If it were me, I'd be quite likely to call rather than visit with the news as I can call quickly but visiting will take me more time. If it bothers you that much and you've been friends that long then tell her how you feel and get it sorted.

As to her getting married next year... well surely that just means you'll have even more in common and will both understand the different stresses adn strains you're under! You can bond over that and maybe even swap tips and maybe take days out from organising to relax and be normal and have non-wedding preparation days. Again, if you're worried about her participation then talk to her and tell her how important it is that she's a big part of your wedding.

[LoftyLottie]

You should both be happy for each other. Who is getting married first doesn't matter a jot. A wedding is not about being the centre of attention - its about marrying someone you love.

[sn�gged]

Yes you are. There is a year between her wedding next year and yours in 2010... plenty of time for her to be 'interested in your preparations'...

[pips1]

I suppose I can see what you mean, in one way it feels as if she has stolen your thunder, but as the others have quite rightly said, be happy for each other that you have both found 'the one' and you can plan your weddings together.

[sqad617]

Yepp, you are being oversensitive, although I do get your drift.
I would certainly consider you definition of "best friend"....certainly would not fit my definition.

[Jafi]

Yes you are.

Your friend did say she tried to make some space to tell you in person. Imagine how worse you would have felt, had she waited until she saw you before telling you, only for you to have heard the news from someone else first.

Think of the positive, think of all the girly nights you'll both have looking through bridal magazines, choosing venues, catering, honeymoon destinations etc..

[sqad617]

"Your friend did say she tried to make some space to tell you in person"..........big deal!!

[Velvetee]

Yes, sorry Legal Girl, but you're being a bit of a Prima Donna, expecting and wanting all the glory and attention. The same way you want everyone, including your friend to be over the moon for you, you should reciprocate those feelings towards your friend.

So what if she's getting married next year. Your day will be just as special the following year. Perhaps you and your friend can get into the spirit of things and attend wedding fayres together, helping each other with ideas, that way you will both feel involved in each other's preparations.

[sara3]

hey, get together and discuss dresses and flowers and stuff. it's not a competition and surely you want her to be as happy as you are?

it should be fun.....

[barney1966]

Yes.

You sound lucky to have any friends - and probably won't after boring them with every minute detail regarding your wedding arrangements over the next 18 months.

[smudge]

Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding legal girl.

Be happy that your friend is getting married & put any negative thoughts about it to the back of your mind.

Just share all the niceties with her & concentrate not only on your big day, but the future you will share with your new husband.

All will be well. ;o}

[sqad617]

Let's be clear...you have been friends for nearly thirty years, so just guessing that you are both in your 40's and probably first marriages.

"She said she'd tried to "clear some space" in her diary to come and see me but hadn't been able to so told me over the phone"

How far away from you does your "best friend live?
Unacceptable behaviour on her part.

[tigwig]

Aww yes I would say you are over reacting a little but I can understand how you feel. I would be exactly the same! Just think though you can get all excited at her wedding and know it will be you the next year while for her she will have already had her wedding when she attends yours and it will all be over for her!!!
Maybe she delayed telling you in case of your reaction.

[bednobs]

not that i need to add my (same) comments, but i do like the sound of my own fingers typing. yes you are ott - you are having a long engagement so shouldnt expect everyone else to hold off till after you! you want her to be all happy and excited abut your arrangements, without extending her the same courtesy!
as t going round personaly telling everyone - great that you have the time and the means to do this but prehaps she dosent. After all she does have a wedding to plan!