a new start

[bubbles4920]

when you have left your partner, how hard has it been to pick yourself up, i may be just about to do this and im petrified, topping myself at the moment seems an easier option. i cannot believe that i will have to start again from scratch as i currently live abroad. what has kept you going through the dark, hard times? was it worth going through and are you a happier person now?

[bubbles4920]

its just so scary though realising you are never going to be with that person again when you have shared so many good things aswell as bad, the good outweighing the bad but the bad being something unforgiveable this time, its making me ill and the thoughts are torturing me. it was the same woman each (3) times and even the counsellor said that it i did leave, she would be here even though hubby denies it! she wanted to come in my place when we moved abroad for hubby's job and she is still chasing him mainly with sexual emails, she doesnt seem to have any self dignity.as the counsellor says too, it wouldnt last long maybe anyway, affairs that then become 'reality' are never the same though im sure they would both have a fantastic life here as its new and novel, we were until i found i had been living a lie all along. he hasnt seen due to being on two different continents but she pesters him and says for him to come and get her and take your head out of the sand! would i just be giving into her/him/it?
we are trying to work something out re counsellor but it seems it is making me realise just what i have let him get away with before and there are so many reminders including him!

[MustangLady]

Bubbles I sympathise with you honey... I was in the same situation last June. After 18 yrs I split with my partner, i was devastated, didn't know what to do, where to go, how I was going to survive luckily for me I had no children to consider in our relationship).... Now 7 months later, I have my own place, more positive with myself and can see a future. I am happier. Though we loved each other, we couldn't live together, we wanted separate things out of the relationship and couldn't compromise. I could not have done all this without the help and support of my family & friends. They all rallied around when i needed them and kept in the background when i need 'my space'. I'd be lying if i said i wish things had been different with me and my ex, i wish it had worked but it couldn't. I'd also be lying to you if i said i don't have days when i feel sorry for myself, but that doesn't last for long. I wipe my eyes and find something to do, call or visit friends/family... who know me very well and they are a great 'pick-me-up'. These 'sorry-days' are becoming less and less now. I've found new hobby (dance class) and adopted a cat for companion. If you feel its something you need to do .. do it. You will come out the other side feeling better and stronger,believe me. Keep family & friends close by, and tell them how you are feeling,don't keep it bottled up. Find a new hobby to occupy yourself, you'll discover new friends along the way too. Believe in yourself and you will be happier. I wish you Good Luck .. ML xx

[MustangLady]

Bubbles, I omitted to add that my ex also had two affairs during our time together (early part of our relationship)... both times I took him back and forgave (though couldn't forget). The final straw though did not involve an affair, we just drifted apart over period of year. I am not involved with anyone else as it's too soon for me, but i do hear that he already has a new partner (he got with her 2 months after we parted) so maybe our 'relationship' didn't mean as much to him as it did to me. That's what hurt the most at the time I found out. But like i said, I have come through the worse part and getting stronger each day. I am certainly happier, as I have only me to consider now. I can come/go as I please. If I want company I have only to call on friends, where I can go stay for a bit or they'll come to me. Let us know how you get on.... xx

[jukie]

Bubbles - I never told you last time the reason I had to leave my husband!! Whilst I was in hospital having our daughter - when she was just 3 days old he came to me on the ward and asked for a divorce because he had been seeing someone else, not only recently but since we got married. I did not know which end of me was up - especially after giving birth and also being away from home (N.I.) as I had moved to Manchester when we got married.
My mum had gratefully came over to stay for a few weeks to help me as my ex was out working, and when she heard what had happened that day, she near went daft!! My ex was to take my mum home to our house, but instead he left her in the hospital carpark not knowing where to go or how to get to our house. Not only did he do this, but he followed her up the driveway of the hospital in the car and tried to run her down! (dirty B). anyway, my mum got in touch with my grandad and she stayed with him until she could get a return flight home again. I was sooooo devastated, but think I can now prove you can be happy without someone like that and also as a few have already said - not all men are the same, although you may think so.

I am extremely happy now with my life and you can be too - if you don't do it now then you never will and he will just keep on cheating on you - no matter about the distance, and taking advantage of your good nature. Please don't me a mat for him to walk over.

Take care x

[lil123]

I was with my ex husband for nearly 20years before I finally left him 2 years ago. He was very abusive.
I came to a city I knew no one or had nothing apart from the clothes I had on and my car.
What kept me going was how I visualized my life how I wanted it to be. That's what kept and keeps me going now.
Write down your goals and look at it often.
BELIEVE in yourself and you will do it.
I am prof that it can be done

[bubbles4920]

the situation seems hopeless, if i stay i will be miserable, if i go and will be very miserable too, i cannot see where where this situation can ever be resolved without pain.

[Eve]

There may not be an easy way out but it doesn't mean that once I've done the initial thing and gone through the crap that you won't come out better and stronger and discover a fab new life though.

You will probably appreciate it all the more because of it as well.

[cazzz1975]

you have to adjust and granted that takes a while, once you have adjusted to your new found freedom you will wonder why it took you so long.

your self esteem has taken a battering which is why you believe you will be very miserable if you leave, it will be tough for a while because you will have to regain your sense of self and remember what it feels like to please yourself, once you have got used to it you will gradually start living again.

you have to ask if you want to be in the same position in 10 years, whether you will still be debating whether you are strong enough to leave or not in 10 years

time is precious, you have to toughen up and work out what is best for everyone

[Velvetee]

I was with my ex for over 8 years and ended the relationship, when I found he'd been up to no good.

I don't know how you feel about your partner, but I felt mine relationship with my ex had died yeas before, so it was the right thing to do. It was hard adjusting to not having my other half and lonely at times and everyone reacts differently to the end of a relationship.

I always feel it is better to be unhappy alone for a time, than spend further years unhappy with someone else. It won't be easy, but try to busy yourself, don't stay in dwelling and moping and really don't contemplate "topping" yourself. There will be new horizons and new people to meet, once you have picked yourself up.

Good luck.