should your husband discuss his finances with you?!!

[scruffbag]

I would appreciate your help please!
Could you please tell me if it is normal for your husband not to discuss his own finances with you?!!
I am from a family where we discuss everything openly.
I find it difficult when my husband will not tell me about his own finances, what he earns etc.
Please help. I would value your thoughts.
Many thanks!

[sn�gs]

What else isn't he telling you...

[KRUSTYMAN]

I tell my wife everything, I have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. I can only assume that he has something to hide? How long have you been married?

[scruffbag]

20 years

[redcrx]

it would depend if it was something that i really needed to know or not. Mr CRX and I dont know exactly what the other one is paid or what we spend, but then we dont need to. We are ok moneywise and trust each other not to be silly with money.

[KRUSTYMAN]

20 years and he's never been open about his finances? Some men might say they are shielding their partners from the worries but that's a very Victorian attitude to take. Why ask now and not right from the start?? I'm puzzled - God knows how you must feel.

[dot.haukes]

has he been not telling you this for 20 years or is this recent, if he has always not told you i think it would be hard to get him to change his ways now.

[albaqwerty]

is this a recent development or has he always been like this?

Mr Alba and I (married 22 years) have always had joint account, joint decisions etc etc.

All the best

Alba x

[scruffbag]

only recently he has not been telling me.

[dot.haukes]

more to the point, have you always told him about your finances? If he knows all about what you earn and what you spend it on then it is opnly right he should do the same, but i don't think he needs to know every single thing you spend it on, that is never quite the right thing to do nor the best idea, donl;t rock the boat just sneak a look at his bank statements then you'll know it all.

[ummmm]

Alarm bells scruffbag.....

[scruffbag]

you are a great bunch of people out there. thanks!

[albaqwerty]

how old is he? could some form of illness be considered?

I don't want to think the worst...

x

[KRUSTYMAN]

If it's only recently, either he has work problems which affect his earning which he might be ashamed of or he might be having insecurity problems for some reason and might be making sure he has a financial 'cushion' just in case - whatever the reason you have to sit down and discuss it otherwise it will always be a nagging thought in your head. If there is a problem it will give you the oppertunity to deal with it before it gets out of hand.

[scruffbag]

50!!

[andy-hughes]

A lot of men of his generation - and mine - inherited their own father's approach to money - he was the breadwinner, gave his wife housekeeping, and she didn;t need to bother her little head with the details.

I think if you both work and contribute, there should be a l\arger degree of mutual openess than seems to be going on here.

I supported my girlfriend - now wife, through college, and we were poor as church mice. She went from being a barmaid to teacher, Deputy Head, head, and now ISI and OFSTED Schools Inspector, so for the majority of our time, she heas earned more than me. We have separate accounts - always have, but no secrets, and money is freely discussed and shared.

If she - or indeed I - suddenly became secretive about our finances, I think the other would wonder what is to hide, and more importantly, why?

I think you need to have a chat with him. Ask him why the sudden change in his attitude, and if he tells you it's not your business, remind him that it very much is, and you want to clear the air. If he gets stroppy, he's hiding something, and you need to pursue it. Nothing will be solved by ignoring the situation.

It may be something innocent, but it may not - and you need to know which it is, and now.

[Velvetee]

Some men feel it's not necessary to hurt our delicate female brains with silly things like finances. I know how much my partner's business takes in every month, but have no idea if he has other things like shares, insurance policies or othe financial plans.

Is there a reason why your husband feels he needs to keep these things a secret?

[sqad617]

Yes......he might die and you should know how to deal with his estate.

[marval]

It seems a bit strange that he suddenly isn't telling you. You need to know beacause it is worrying you, maybe it is work worries. In today's climate many people are losing their jobs, or having to take a pay cut, it could be one of those. He doesn't gamble does he? Any how you need to ask him and voice your concerns, tell him that after 20 years of marriage you should have no secrets. Anyway good luck.

[lil75]

Do you remember the film the full monty? There was a fella in it who was about 50, who pretended he was going to work everyday and really he had lost his job...his wife was booking holidays and allsorts and he was panicking, in the end she found out and left him......dont know why, but that sprung to mind! and after all we are going through a credit crunch!!! If he has looked after the finances for years and is now holding back information, I wouldnt say it was something sinister, just trying to protect you from something obviously, but you need to find out what

[saxy_jag]

I would tend to agree with the others - if he's always told you about his finances and now isn't doing, there's something amiss, I reckon.