Help

[Dissolute]

I am a 39 year old man abused as a child mentally, physically and sexually. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. I finally got away from my parents aged 28. Since then I've somehow managed to hold a few jobs that pay an average wage and I thought I was coping with life despite my drinking problem, depression, social anxiety and stress. I live on my own, have no friends and speak to no one. I was made redundant 3 months ago and I think I'm finished. The drink is out of control, I live in sh*t and I'm too stressed to claim benefit . My GP says it's down to me to do something about it.. I CAN'T do anything, too stressed, too stupid through depression and alcohol to cope. No one takes me seriously, no one gives a sh*t weather I live or die. I think this is my curtain call and I should do the decent thing, take a bow and quietly disappear.

[ummmm]

You know your options. If you don't want to bow out then your only option is to sort yourself out.

One thing at a time.

[tamborine]

Your spelling, phrasing & punctuation and use of language is v.good - so you're not illiterate. You're aware of your frailties and only you can get them under control. What's past is 'water under the bridge'!

Start with cleaning up yourself and home - take pride in your yourself & surroundings. Communicate with shop staff regularly to build a network you belong to. Soon the net widens when they trust and respect you. People will open doors for you and show you a life to enjoy.

[oldmegan]

Well, I'm not a really religous person, but you could try praying. Sometimes miracles happen. If you really feel that bad, what have you got to lose? Maybe it could help. Sometimes people who are really in deep trouble have a 'Road to Damascus' experience. Go for it!

[brenda]

Dissolute-- in the main you will find on this site people you can , if you want to , talk to.The majority will try to help.

Now you have many problems and can only progress if you tackle these one by one.

Your Gp is right it is
down to you but , you are not going to manage without professional help. so go back and ask for counselling help .

Join AA and get your drinking sorted.

Set yourself short term goals , and don't try to fight all your demons on all fronts at the same time.That is the way to fail'

You remember as well that there are people in much worse situations than yourself , You have a very precious gift of life , treasure it and make it work for you.You say that no- one cares for you , well here is some news no- one cares for for thousands of other people -- so what , no big deal.
You might begin by getting your depression sorted see a different Gp if you have to.But do something about it.

Depression is an illness and is treatable , so go for it.

Going to finish now don't want to lecture you , but every life has its share of grief , tragedy and despair and you are no different , keep in touch if you want to , you will find support and help on AB, but not unless you are prepared to do your share.
best of luck Brenda.

[rov1200]

If your physical health is OK you should stop whinging. Blaming others for your inadequacies is a cop out. We all have problems with our lives but we have to knuckle down and solve them. When was the last time you felt for anyone else who is in a worse position. That is your problem, too self centred. Get a life and put some thought into those incapacitated.

[annie911]

hello Dissolute. must say your very articulate. so you have come along way. The thing is to remember there are so many like you now or were in the past . So hope is not lost. get yourself down and sign up for your entitlements first thing . Dont loose out its your own money your claiming. no shame in it. Plus drink is a depressant so thats not your answer. go to your doctor and they can give you med to wean you off it . and put you on right road back. We cant change our pasts but we can try and learn from it. Maybe help others. BUCK UP a bit .{i mean that in a nice way}. There are people out there dying to live. Life is a gift . GOOD LUCK. You can do it .

[midgie]

Dear Dissolute, it will pass, it may not seem that way at the moment, through the bottom of a bottle, but it will pass. You can grow stronger, millions have.

[pinktwink]

the first and most important person that needs to care about you is yourself. Have you spoken to your GP. Try councilling or a local support group there are many others like you. Take heart in the fact you have been able to speak out about your past.
What about taking up a new hobby or interest to meet new people or do some voluntary work.
Believe in yourself and look to the future there is one waiting there for you
good luck

[chinadog]

http://www.eyecatchers.com/survivors/

Myabe you could join this group Dissolute? Good luck.

[123-abc]

Look, what happened to you was completely wrong and unfair. You've been able to get yourself away from the people who did you wrong. You've already taken the first step towards getting better. Honestly, therapy is what needs to be done next. Perhaps turning to prayer and meditiation would also help. But yea, therapy can help get to the root of all your problems. Remember, there is always someone else who is dealing with something even worse. I know you are going through a lot of difficult stuff, but that doesn't mean it can't be helped. Please think about this seriously.

[nohorn]

To Dissolute: I hope you can see the 12 people have taken the time to care about you. This is the nice part of AB, you received kind thoughts from persons from all parts of the world. Perhaps they haven't walked in your shoes but they care. You can take baby steps and make changes in your life. I grew up under similar circumstances, my immediate family is very loving and I'm OK now. But I still fight with depression. You have to show the bottle who is boss over your life, and make little changes each day in your life. Your GP was right only you can do this. Everyone has their troubles, and everybody has to deal with the cards they were delt. You sound articulate, you have done the first step by reaching out. Socialize, socialize, reach out, communicate, you can choose your friends but not your relatives, and the bottle is not your friend although it might seem like it. How about someday getting a real friend like a pet after you get your act together, when you can take care of it! Best Wishes, let us know how you are doing.

[Dissolute]

Thank you all, except rov1200.

[Dissolute]

I'm surprised and overwhelmed with the support that's evidently here in AB. A lot of good advice from good people has reinforced my belief that sensible, genuine people post here. I'd like to thank all who replied but I'm being careful not to rise to the occasional idiots. Just because I have issues it doesn't mean I haven't had an education. Does rov1200 have any standing here?

[Dissolute]

His comment is designed to evoke anger.

[Dissolute]

That's something my stupid father would have said

[Scarlett]

I recently have had mobility problems and was coping on my own, or rather NOT coping. I emailed enquiring about Meals on Wheels and explained my situation. Suddenly social services were on the phone, sending me a shower stool, a new walking stick and someone to come and cook for me every day in the evening. BLESS THEM. And that's what they are for. I would not have dreamed that I would ever need the help of social services, but they are just normal people wanting to help you. You could go to citizens advice and ask them for help- who you could go to. Your doctor should have referred you for couselling. It sounds as though you are depressed so maybe some medication will help in this instance. If you are low on seratonin, you need some put back into you!

None of this is your fault but a crappy childhood needs to be put in a box and thrown out. It is hard, but you can move forward and have an enjoyable life. Are you on facebook? It sounds silly, but it is a good way to meet new friends and join new groups, albeit virtually, to start with.

This is a dip in your life, but there are plenty of amazing and fun times ahead for you. It is hard to see out now, but try bit by bit, to do small things to help yourself. Make a list.
See Citizens advice and tell them what you told us.
Phone social services for the same reason.
See a different doctor about your depression, alcohol use and get some counselling.
Work out what makes you happy. What do you like doing? There are lots of people out there who like to do the same. Find a group. Get chatting. Meet some people. Maybe even join a college course if you are temporarily out of work.

[rov1200]

"" I think this is my curtain call and I should do the decent thing, take a bow and quietly disappear.""

If you do decide on this please keep it to yourself and don't get others involved in your actions.

[brenda]

rov1200----




You are of course entitled to your view,but if you could remember these few lines it may help----

Never laugh at the man who limps , as he stumbles along the road
Until you have worn the shoes he wears , and until you have carried his load.

Brenda