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Should she be in a home?
37 Answers
Should my elderly next door neighbour be in a residential home?
She is about 80, lives on her own, in a two storey hosue with not stair lift and in the last month has had two serious falls.
A few weeks ago, she dislocated her hip whilst getting out of her chair, Lukily she had guests round who phoned for an ambulance.
A couple of days ago, she fell whilst in the garden and pressed her panic button. Somehow this lead to my mum being phoned up who investigated. The lady was in the back garden, with the front door and garden gate locked, so the ambulance man had to clamber over the gate, who inturn dislocated his wrist, but managed to unbolt the gate and he should be fine. But the lady had broken her knee and had sugery today and is staying in for a couple more days.
We are worried about her, and know that if she goes into a home, she won't be visited much, but we don't think she can carry on living how she is. What if mum hadn't been at home and could find her? what would have happened, she has no relatives within about 100 miles and we rarely se people visiting her.
She is about 80, lives on her own, in a two storey hosue with not stair lift and in the last month has had two serious falls.
A few weeks ago, she dislocated her hip whilst getting out of her chair, Lukily she had guests round who phoned for an ambulance.
A couple of days ago, she fell whilst in the garden and pressed her panic button. Somehow this lead to my mum being phoned up who investigated. The lady was in the back garden, with the front door and garden gate locked, so the ambulance man had to clamber over the gate, who inturn dislocated his wrist, but managed to unbolt the gate and he should be fine. But the lady had broken her knee and had sugery today and is staying in for a couple more days.
We are worried about her, and know that if she goes into a home, she won't be visited much, but we don't think she can carry on living how she is. What if mum hadn't been at home and could find her? what would have happened, she has no relatives within about 100 miles and we rarely se people visiting her.
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I used to volunteer in a hospice and it shocked me that some of the people had family who would just never bother to visit.
She could have another 20 years left in reality and if she is all there I can't see the prospect of being in a home being particularly welcome to her, especially the state of some of them.
My great nan was still very active well into her nineties, we would often go round to find her doings bits in the garden and all sorts. I think her finally going into a home was what made her give up in the end. Even then though she used to escape and they'd find her a few miles away, often up a hill, having just fancied going for a walk :)
I have to say, the one my nan was in when she developed dementia then had a fall and developed MRSA in hospital was fantastic (my uncle lived with her until then). She died there with a lot of the family having been round her bedside constantly and a number of us being with her when she finally passed away. She had developed pnumonia and sceptacemia and wasn't conscious at the end but her room, bedding and even herself was always spotlessly clean and very well cared for and the staff were fantastic especially as there were so many of us.
I think the spare key idea is a great one. A few weeks ago I noticed some police cars and an ambulance outside my nextdoor neighbour but one's house. The poor guy had died and been there up to two weeks. He kept himself to himself but a lady from his church called the police when she hadn't seen him and they came and broke into the house and found him, so very very sad.
A local volunteer bureau may also be able to help. One I was a part of used to find people to help with things like shopping and company.
She could have another 20 years left in reality and if she is all there I can't see the prospect of being in a home being particularly welcome to her, especially the state of some of them.
My great nan was still very active well into her nineties, we would often go round to find her doings bits in the garden and all sorts. I think her finally going into a home was what made her give up in the end. Even then though she used to escape and they'd find her a few miles away, often up a hill, having just fancied going for a walk :)
I have to say, the one my nan was in when she developed dementia then had a fall and developed MRSA in hospital was fantastic (my uncle lived with her until then). She died there with a lot of the family having been round her bedside constantly and a number of us being with her when she finally passed away. She had developed pnumonia and sceptacemia and wasn't conscious at the end but her room, bedding and even herself was always spotlessly clean and very well cared for and the staff were fantastic especially as there were so many of us.
I think the spare key idea is a great one. A few weeks ago I noticed some police cars and an ambulance outside my nextdoor neighbour but one's house. The poor guy had died and been there up to two weeks. He kept himself to himself but a lady from his church called the police when she hadn't seen him and they came and broke into the house and found him, so very very sad.
A local volunteer bureau may also be able to help. One I was a part of used to find people to help with things like shopping and company.
As has been said, it is entirely up the old lady concerned. It is her life and must be a decision only made by her. Unfortunately, my mother spent the last year or so of her life in a home and she was desparately unhappy, but she knew that there was no way she could cope on her own. She was physically disabled and had dementia problems as well.
Just continue keeping an eye out for her.
Just continue keeping an eye out for her.
My mum lived on her own and had several falls before she could be persuaded to move. She did not want to go into a residential home so we set her up in a ground floor maisonette where she managed quite happily, with a bit of outside help, for about another 15 years. Unfortunately after suffering a stroke she did have to go into a nursing home, but we picked one near my brother's home and her 3 grandsons used to pop in and see her on their way home from school each day.
It must be dreadful being shoved into a home miles away from your family.
It must be dreadful being shoved into a home miles away from your family.
If there is a chance of this then she needs a proper assessment.
I've fallen over a few times in the last week, I forget to put my bins out and forget things when I go shopping...I'm 31 and not quite passed it yet! I'm not saying there isn't something but don't write someone off just because they can be a bit ditzy sometimes. Behaviour that might put her at risk is more worrying, leaving a cooker or heater on unattended etc...Proper assessment is needed.
I've fallen over a few times in the last week, I forget to put my bins out and forget things when I go shopping...I'm 31 and not quite passed it yet! I'm not saying there isn't something but don't write someone off just because they can be a bit ditzy sometimes. Behaviour that might put her at risk is more worrying, leaving a cooker or heater on unattended etc...Proper assessment is needed.
Yes but she'll write something on a list, then forget to take a pen with her. by the time she's got a trolley full of stuff she can't remember whats she's got so gets more of some things than she needs and completely forgets other things.
I just remembered, that jsut afetr christmas, but before new year, she did something to her wrist aswell. I think she must have badly sprained it or broken a bone in her hand or wrist. She's getting rather accident prone. That's why she got the panic button.
I just remembered, that jsut afetr christmas, but before new year, she did something to her wrist aswell. I think she must have badly sprained it or broken a bone in her hand or wrist. She's getting rather accident prone. That's why she got the panic button.
She sounds just like me!! Actually, these things happen as you get older, just normal ageing, not necessarily dementia. You ought to see me in a supermarket. I forget things, rush back to the aisle where I know the things are and by the time I have got there I have forgotten what I want again.
All great fun!
I would rather be doolally in my old age and live perhaps a shorter life in my own home if possible, than be put in a home for years and years just waiting to die.
All great fun!
I would rather be doolally in my old age and live perhaps a shorter life in my own home if possible, than be put in a home for years and years just waiting to die.
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Unfortunately ummm, my poor Mum who was an extremely intelligent, outgoing and charismatic lady, suffered from age related vascular dementia in her final few years and she was also aware of it. She was so, so unhappy and had to go into a home for her final year. She hated it. Although she had dementia to a degree she still loved intelligent conversation and the worse thing about the home (which was a very good one) was that the staff, although well meaning, seemed to treat the old people as if they weren't very bright. In fact she was a lot brighter and had more about her than most of the staff.
I dread going into a home!
Nice to hear about your Nan, ummmm. Happiness is so important.
I dread going into a home!
Nice to hear about your Nan, ummmm. Happiness is so important.
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