dilemma

[sunnydaze8]

before you have a go at me, i know i have done wrong.im in a real dilemma. before we moved areas, i had a friend who i told something to. another friend knew but i told her not to say anthing. the first friend thought she was the only one who knew and said she wouldnt say anything and i believe her. she has now text to say she cant believe i lied saying that she was the only one that knew and can i explain. at the time i was going through hell with my husband. now im not in the area these two friends pal around more together. i knew it would come out in the end. she hates liars, believe it or not so do. i see it that i was being protective. she also advised me not to tell the other friend as she knows she opens her mouth, so i then felt i couldnt say i had already told her. i really dont want to lose my friendship with her. someone has broken my confidence, can you say i have too? i feel so sick, what can i do? im thinking of ringing her but i know she will be furious. if i do lose her friendship then she may blabber to everyone then. im scared. it would mean our whole life there and friends we made there would be over for good as i didnt come clean with them before we left.

[ummmm]

You can tell your secrets to anyone you like. If your friend was a decent person she wouldn't blab. She also has no right to be annoyed....what exactly is she 'furious' about?

[sunnydaze8]

im guessing the other friend must have said something to her or dropped something out then she realised that it wasnt just her that knew. she always said to let her know if i ever told anyone else as she didnt want to look a fool. i think the other one has blabbed to test the water or get more into her confidence.

[ummmm]

What's it got to do with her who you tell? Is she jealous that you told someone else and not just her?

[sunnydaze8]

ive not spoken to her yet but i have lied to her which she hates. i told her she was the only one who knew. she helped me out alot when i was having an horrendous time. i hope she can understand what i was going through back then.

[redcrx]

sounds like she is jealous. Why would she look a fool if someone else knew?
If the secret was yours to tell who you wanted then neither of them have a right to tell anyone or be upset if you tell others

[ummmm]

If she's a good friend she will.....

If you were having such a hard time you can't help but talk about it.

[DEN53]

sunny - it sounds like both these friends can't be trusted and felt the need to gossip to each other. These two do not sound like trusted friends to me sunny.

I have been told many things over the years in confidence and would never every betray that trust placed in me - even to my closest friends.

[sunnydaze8]

but havent i betrayed her trust by making her think ive only told her. what can i say to appease her, i feel so confused. just when i thought things were finally getting back on track, i could easily pass out or vomit right now.

[redcrx]

its your secret, just because you told another person doesnt mean you have betrayed your friends trust. Why on earth didnt she want you telling anyone else anyway? that seems odd.

[ummmm]

You haven't betrayed her trust. You told YOUR secret to someone else. That's up to you. If she has an issue with it she's not a very good friend...!!

[sunnydaze8]

but i should have told her that id told someone else, now ive made her look a fool. i suppose i dont know who or what has been said yet til i speak to her. i think our friendship will be over as she hates liars and our kind of friendship was so strong at the time.

[DEN53]

No sunny - I did'nt mean you betrayed her trust by telling another friend - I mean't she betrayed you, by discussing your secret with the other friend. She is the one to feel guilty, my love not you.

[ummmm]

This is so minor in the grand scheme of things.

[redcrx]

you need to snap out of this feeling of letting her down, you havnt.

she wouldnt look a fool is she just kept quiet about knowing, though i can only think that she would look a fool if she went to tell someone your secret and they said they knew already.

if she takes offence then sobeit, she doesnt sound like a friend

[merciasounds]

You've now moved, think of it this way, new area, new start, and make new friends. Ummmm is right, you can tell what you want to whom you want, if anybody has the right to be angry, it's you for your secret to be broken. Phone your friend if you like, but if she goes mad at you, (which she has no right) say you were fed up, tired, scared, drunk, vulnerble, whatever, and you blurted it out, but that's beside the point, what is she mad for? If she does blabber - will people take any notice now you're not there? Honestly love, people have problems of their own, and the only scenes of what people might think are just often in our own heads. Whoever let your secret out wasn't a friend in the first place. Forget it and get on with your life.

[Mamyalynne]

You are over complicating this Sunny, simply say to her that you are such a good friend, I am sure you will understand that I was at such a low time in my life I also confided in someone else. If she understands fine, if not she's not a good friend and move on.

[sunnydaze8]

i really dont think she would have been one to say anything first. it could be that the husbands have chatted about it as her hubby went round for tea to other friends while she was away. no being funny but men dont think, sorry if you are male and replying. yes i know we women think too much but we are more emotional and i am in particular careful not to hurt others feelings. so how do i start the conversation then, do i apologise, do i ask whats been said? she cant believe i lied to her as i said and hates liars. im doomed.

[Wednesday_Adams]

I don't understand what you feel bad about. It's YOUR secret. you tell who YOU want. End of. If she moans that you made her look a fool politely explain to her that with all thats going on (whatever it is) telling her you had told someone was not on the top of your prioprity list. You do not have to explain to her who you have confided in. stop worrying.

[sunnydaze8]

yes i do wish i could start all over again and not have any connections from this period in my life. once the secret is out other friends will get to know and it will be a snowball effect. we are supposed to be meeting up with some friends from there half way, on saturday, i really dont want to now as they may know by then and we will look liars though we try not to talk about past things too much.

[Greedyfly]

lol the days of being doomed. I think Sunny you have been given some good advice here.