bereavement

[coccinelle]

Society wise, how long is bereavement? It's only been 4 1/2 months since my husband died and I feel people around me think I should be now 'moving on'. Is this for their own sakes so they can get on with their lives? I'm still in shock and trying to come to terms with it all and not ready to move on at all but should I be now 'snapping out of it' so friends and family can in fact get on with things???
Anybody in the same circumstances or family members in these circumstances would be welcome to give advice. I'm a bit lost to tell you the truth.

[lardhelmet]

It'll take as long as it takes you cocci. My son died nearly 20 years ago and it's as raw today as it was the day he died. The plot of Eastenders isn't helping a lot either.

[DTCwordfan]

everybody is different on this - and also bear in mind you will have days where you feel you have moved on and days where its depression or two steps back. Up to 1 year is typical and family anniversaries and Christmas can be very hard.

useful to have someone to talk to,. either family or outside.....

[ummmm]

Way too soon....4 1/2 months is like yesterday. After my Dad died I didn't start to get over it for about 2 years. How people cope with the small amount of time they are given off work is beyond me.

I'm sorry for your loss. Take the time you need....you have to, for both your mental and physical health xx

[Dris]

That no time at all :( Im so sorry for your loss -I remember reading your posts.In my opinion you never get over losing a dearly loved one you just learn to live without them.I think its way too soon for you to even think about that -take your time and take baby steps in the other direction your lifes path is going.You family and friends are well meaning but he didnt have the same impact on their lives as he had on yours.Just roll with the punches at the moment as each day will bring different emotions then they will in the fullness of time even out to a degree.Thats the time you can start to envisage your ife without him -im so sad for you but life will trundle on and you will smile again (((hugs))) x

[Rosetta]

There is no right time scale for this, it will take as long as it takes. Four and a half months is no time at all and its no wonder you feel lost. Sometimes family and friends give the wrong impression, it may be that they are worried about you, and in trying to support you they are over compensating and being falsely positive, to be strong for you. One of the great fears is talking about the person you have lost will cause too much pain, whereas in reality the opposite is usually true.

[~Wingnut~]

The worst thing you could do is try to move on when your not ready to. 4 1/2months is no time at all to have come to terms with your loss.
Take each day as it comes, cry if you feel like it, laugh at happy memories but you move on when your ready.
Sending hugs your way xxx

[bednobs]

hi, i'm not in the same position as you but my daughter died 5 months ago. I only feel now like i can take even the smallest bit of interest in things, but even now it's not huge interest. I am going back to work next week and absolutely want to shout and scream that i'm not ready.

[ljdksa]

I'm really sorry. Take the time you need. The people around you are just concerned and want to reassure themselves that you're coping. Can be very hard. Take one day at a time and you'll get there. x

[starone]

My husband died in November 2009, over a year ago, and it's still as bad as ever, sometimes worse. I think of him all the time, but I try not to let others know. I talk to him as if he was still here - mad I know. Now you all know, it is difficult putting your thoughts into words. But I also think of that old saying laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone and so, usually I keep it to myself.

[237SJ]

Everybody`s different coccinelle. A few years ago I had three bereavements within 13 months. One of my bereavements was my sister`s husband. She ( like you) must have had a terrible time coming to terms with her situation but eventually she managed to live her life and find happiness. Like all of these things, they take time but the human spirit is very strong and you will be OK

[ethandron]

coccinelle, four and a half months is absolutely no time at all in coming to terms with your loss. in my experience it takes at least two years to begin to feel anything like 'moving on', or to be able to really allow yourself to think about the person without feeling a huge sense of loss. everyone is different and deals with death in their own way and although people can empathise with you, they really don't know how you feel unless they too have experienced the death of someone so close. you have to do this in your own time, in your own way, there's no easy way to 'snap out of it', it just has to be lived through.
cry when you need to, don't bottle it up or feel as if you shouldn't because other people tell you you should be 'getting over it'. one of these days, somewhere down this road you're on, you'll wake up one morning and it won't be the first thing you think about, you'll be able to remember your husband and smile instead of just remembering the grief.
xxx

[Mamyalynne]

Coccinelle four and a half months is but a blink of an eye, you take your own good time, others around you may struggle, but that is their issue.
I am two and a half years down the line and it is still hard, but try to let others think I am doing okay.

Take care my love
Mamya ♥

[welshlibranr]

four and a half months is nothing!..........you're still mourning!.........takes time!...........

[coccinelle]

I'm very touched and you've all made me cry by your sensitivity and caring; I realise that 4 1/2 months or even 6 months or even a year is still too early to move on; my so called friends are probably wanting to get on with their own lives... Thankfully I've got caring family who I can connect to.
Lots of love and kisses to you all xxx

[pastafreak]

coccinelle.....have you considered CRUSE bereavement care?
They are trained to listen...you can choose whether you have a male or female to speak to,they visit in your home...and the service is free.
it helped me immensely when I lost both my mum and sister in the same year.

[crisper]

Dear Coccinelle... as everyone else is saying ..take your time do it your way.. when your ready.I have/had 3 best friends.. my mum.. brother and hubby... My mum..and brother died within months of one another.. I still have my hubby.. he's my bestest bud... but I feel your loss! You won't get over it.. but in time you'll learn to live with it!
Hope your ok and feeling a bit better
Take care god bless x