Cognitive behavioural therapy

[tinkerbell23]

Has anyone had this or know about it....

If thought alot recently about attending xx

[rowanwitch]

If you know what your problems are...and where they have originated from it can be very effective but hard work...as you have to do a lot of exercises until new behaviours become healthier habits or become engrained in your thought processes
Supposed to be starting soon ...after a long series of other counselling type therapies if you go ahead good luck

[tinkerbell23]

Yeah i knw exactly my problem...and i know why i act certain ways!

Pinki just what ive been posting about recently troubles with my mum, and shes never going to change ...i feel the prob lies with her....but she wont change so i need to learn how to deal with it properley because one day i fear ill do something ill regret x

[rowanwitch]

Like tinks a lot of my issues stem back to how my mother behaved towards me as a child...and how partners have reinforced a negative pattern....I have taken about 4 years to get to this point and a lifetime of depression and relationship difficulties
It's scary...knowing that all your ideas...your world view is damaged/faulty but nothing worth having ever came easily

[tinkerbell23]

Its from childhood till today, weve not spoken since saturday...which suits me cos im getting peace!!!

Shes never going to change and im getting nearer and nearer the egde. I worry about when or if i have kidsor get married how shes going to try to control like she does now and i fear ill never meet anyone because hownshe acts, my ex hated it...and ill need someone who will put up with it!

So i forsee all these things, and i think one day ill hit the point of no return and this is why i think CBT!? I absolutley know why i react certain ways xx

[squarebear]

Do you still live with her?

[tinkerbell23]

Yeah xx

[squarebear]

There's your solution then. Move out. Her house = her rules I'm afraid.

[rowanwitch]

When you have a life of your own she will lose some of her power ...don't worry about that...its wanting approval that does it for me...and you will be a better parent for having her example... but CBT might work for you...if you can't change a situation you can change how you feel about it and that will help a lot..

[tinkerbell23]

Im a student..i did move out and lost my job and had to move back. Its not rules, its complete invasion of privacy xx

[rowanwitch]

Practical things.... arrange for mail to go somewhere else....
New mobile she doesn't find out about
Lockable box for anything you want to keep private... little ways of taking back a bit of privacy....

Tell her as little as you can get away with
But enough to let her feel she can trust you are safe etc

[tinkerbell23]

Im 24, i hav pin code on computer and phone, however she somehow acessed my facebook which i deleted, then couldnt live haha so i blocked her and changed my p/word and asked my mates to block her.

I have lockable boxes, ive sent mail elsewhere. When i moved out she was told in no uncertain terms to appear without calling first.

Now im back, she would love to tell me what to wear (once i was told i was a mess and my mates are all like models)

She freaks if i stay in at weekend, ive caught her listening to calls...i hav not used house phne for a number of years!! She used to think nothing of callin my now ex, or his mum whos number she got off a system at work!! Call mates, text em to c what im doing or not doing and why. People always comment that i tell her nothing. And i know its because i clutch at info.

When i was little i had to go out to plau even if i didnt want to id be dragged and thrown out the front door with shoes after me and door locked. She would do the same today if she could x

[rowanwitch]

She's the one with problems its not you..... Wish I could adopt you ....hate to think of what should be such a really great time in your life being spoiled by someone who sounds pretty dysfunctional....but I know it hurts like hell, and being angry at mothers makes us feel guilty too...CBT may well help you deal with your feelings
soon you will be qualified and will be able to rebuild your life I suggest you look for jobs a long way away...you will soon make friends....her loss

[tinkerbell23]

Yeah ykno i feel guilty cos shes my mum but i posted in family how at a point, when she stops being a mother and just two adults who disagree . She cant be correct just cos shes my mum and her behaviour is not motherly.

Outside looking in.....you would see that i have everything, i always have had- clothes shoes toys you name it and same in adulthood but it dosent make up for thinhs.

I feel horrible as auntys do sympathise with me but maintain that i shouldnt be cheeky or rude to her, thing is that i dont even know i am or i cant help it!! My back goes up and i lash out. Its sooooo deep ingrained in me through years of it that i mjst come across as hostile- to her and only her...as im NOT that person by nature.

Funny how we chose to care for people isnt it as a profession xx

[rowanwitch]

just because she is your mother you don't have to love her or even like her... if she was some one you met socially and she behaved like that you wouldn't like her I suspect and would probably avoid her company... But cool respect might serve you better so you can't be accused of making things worse that way you keep the aunties and others on side....won't be around for a few days but back monday if you want to let off more steam

Rowan

[tinkerbell23]

Great rowan thank you for the chat. It helps. Ive been going on on here for days and to friends you will all get totally sick of me hehe!!

Thank you...take care , speak soon xxxx

[woofgang]

Be careful with CBT and NLP. I know someone who was slightly weird before she started it and is now so far around the bend that she is out of sight and accelerating.