Update to "without anybody stating the obvious"....

[Smowball]

Well I did indeed confront him last night with the statement - he looked so stunned that he didnt even think to ask why it was open. composed himself very quickly then said it was towards his daughters future, then when i said why he has never once put money away weekly in the last 8 years, then chooses the exact month we got into dire financial worries he just wouldnt answer. Just kept repeating he could do what he likes for his daughter with his money. But you know that certain people do a specific thing when they are lying, like not looking you in the eye, or a nervous cough etc, well he has a specific thing that he does and he was difinitely lying. Havent a clue where to go from here now : (

[Mamyalynne]

A clear breakdown of trust is happening and is not going to be easy to resolve. I hope others can be of more practical help.

[andy-hughes]

I would not be willing to let this go.

The defensive attitude - he can do what he wants with 'his' money - doesn't really cut it if you are going to be a couple.

I would open some deep discussions about what this behaviour implies for the future of your relationship.

[mazie]

Morning Smowball. I think there's a lot more to this than meets the eye! I personally don't think it's anything to do with his Daughter. Should his Daughter want to withdraw from this account, who has to sign for it? Whatever happens, I hope you sort this out soon x

[China Doll]

Weigh up the cost (as in emotionally) of what it means to you to know he's lying or just carry on as is and make a decision from there. If you can't live with it then simply tell him that you know he's lying and if he doesn't begin to tell the truth then you will have to walk away as his treatment is unfair with regards to the other child as well as disrespectful to you. If you decide you can live with it then don't raise it again as an issue and put extra money yourself in to the other childs account. Only you can decide.

[Sqad]

Like i tried to say...........he did it unbeknown to you as he knew it would cause a rumpus.

Simples.

[mumsie_wumsie]

Did you ask why he had this other bank account that you didn't know about and where the said money is transferred from? Sounds as though he is definetly covering something up. needs more investigation me thinks!!!

[Sqad]

Deep discussions, don't let it go ....etc etc could lead to the breakdown of your relationship.

If you are prepared for that.....then carry on digging.

[Smowball]

Hi guys , thankyou so much for all your comments so far - it is helping me keep sane! no I dont believe for a sec its for his daughter. I remembered her bank card was kept in her room so i checked and it was missing. i asked him if he had it and he said yes so i said " ok then so she can have the card at the weekend and take out whatever she likes?" he said yes but but looked quite ill when he said it. I havent a clue what he is up to and i told him I dont believe a word he is saying and he just said well we may as well split up, and he didnt utter another word to me all eve, he didnt come to bed but slept on the sofa, and left for work without me even knowing he had gone. Dont know what to do now

[Sqad]

///my OH has been lying to me about something (no, not a woman!)///

Really?

[mumsie_wumsie]

Sqad, they are a married couple, and as such should have no secrets about their monies. They both go out to work and so contribute to the running of the house. If as he is saying, he is putting money away for HIS childs future, then surely money should also be put aside for Smowball's son. And she 'knows' he is lying,so until this is sorted (IMO) there will not be any trust in their marriage.I do so hope that this gets sorted out, for all their sakes....

[ummmm]

Sqad - they are married.

I don't know what to say. I certainly wouldn't let it drop. He should be treating the children equally.

[Sqad]

mumsie....why point the finger at me?

[Smowball]

months ago he decided that his salary should go into a separate account and he would then transfer it over weekly to OUR account. He said this was just so he knew exactly what he was earning(yes a stupid answer I know). I said it made no sense but he did it anyway and does indeed transfer money weekly. But seeing as I now have no idea what he earns, as I have never seen a payslip, he has clearly been also transferring another amount into his daughters account. and he has only started doing this when the new account opened so he obviously thought I would never find out.The more I think about this the worse it all looks.

[mazie]

As I said earlier (in my opinion) this isn't about money he wants to give to his Daughter.. He's up to something he wants to hide from You and I don't think it for your benefit Smow

[Sqad]

mumsie/ummmm.....surely you are not telling me that "married" couples are immune from "skeletons in the cupboard"

[ummmm]

Not necessarily...surely he could just keep the money in his own account.

[Smowball]

sqad, it may be a woman, I just dont think so, although he's already proven to be a blooming liar. he isnt going to change his story though, once he says something he never back tracks