Update to "without anybody stating the obvious"....

[Smowball]

Well I did indeed confront him last night with the statement - he looked so stunned that he didnt even think to ask why it was open. composed himself very quickly then said it was towards his daughters future, then when i said why he has never once put money away weekly in the last 8 years, then chooses the exact month we got into dire financial worries he just wouldnt answer. Just kept repeating he could do what he likes for his daughter with his money. But you know that certain people do a specific thing when they are lying, like not looking you in the eye, or a nervous cough etc, well he has a specific thing that he does and he was difinitely lying. Havent a clue where to go from here now : (

[mumsie_wumsie]

Evian,,,Smowball says money has not been withdrawn, so balance must be mounting up....

[pa___ul3]

Doc, I'm sure you know what male pride is like, he could be in a bit of a mess and too proud to ask for help, it could be anything, but I agree the deceitfulness needs to be sorted out. I thought the idea of marriage was to not just walk away but to try and fix things if it's fixable.

[EvianBaby]

Well then it seems likely that he is just putting money away for his Daughter.

Assuming his daughter has access to the account/statements I very much doubt he would be transferring money to her account if it was to be used for something dodgy. As I already said, he could simply withdraw it from his own account.

[mumsie_wumsie]

I hope they can fix things. But to be able to do so there has got to be trust and honesty. And there I think, we are back to square one.

[Barmaid]

Something clearly isn't right, but leaving him is a little drastic. Smowball needs to get to the bottom of this.

If he was "stashing" with the idea of leaving then he could easily have set up an internet account which is paperless. Doesn't sound like drugs or gambling or another woman because there are no withdrawals.

The daughter must know that there is extra money in her account (how old is she btw?) so she must be complicit in this in some way. Is it possible the daughter is in some sort of trouble. There is an explanation - getting to it is the answer.

[ummmm]

BM, the daughter is only 11.

[EvianBaby]

Exactly Barmaid.

I see it this way, he has his daughter and whilst he might care for your son, he's not his son and doesn't see him in the same way as his own child. He figures it's his money and he'll do what he wants with it. And he wants his daughter to have some of it. But if you knew about it, you would request the same be done for your son and he doesn't really want to do that.

[ummmm]

That's how I see it as well.

[Barmaid]

I see ummm, thanks - I had missed that bit.

Still seems odd that he is putting it in her account - would have been the easiest thing in the world to transfer it into an internet account. I wonder if as the OP has alluded to dire financial worries, he is concerned about going bankrupt and thinks this is a way of hiding money?

[ummmm]

So all marriages are blissful Doc?

No, thought not...

[ummmm]

Speak for myself....I'm not married :-) but lucky you Doc....most marriages have there ups and downs.

[cazzz1975]

hmmm, If he has suggested splitting up in the past I would err to that, I have known a few blokes who have done exactly the same thing before leaving their girlfriends (start squirrelling money away)

I also dont buy the "saving money for his daughters future" especially as he hasnt done likewise for his son.

other issues such as his secretive behaviour and your lack of knowledge about him/his money/the bank accounts is also iffy, marriage is a partnership. its time for you and him to talk honestly, but be prepared for what you may hear.

[ummmm]

Cazzzzz....it's not his son.

[EvianBaby]

It's not HIS son though Cazzz.

[cazzz1975]

sorry ummm, forgive my ignorance, I missed part 1 :)

[Barmaid]

Because only the OP and the OP's hubby are the only people who know what is going on (and the hubby seems to know a good deal more than he is letting on), it is impossible to say whether it is fixable or not.

I'm with Trigs on this one.

[cazzz1975]

does he raise the child, does the boy regard him as a father?