Update to "without anybody stating the obvious"....

[Smowball]

Well I did indeed confront him last night with the statement - he looked so stunned that he didnt even think to ask why it was open. composed himself very quickly then said it was towards his daughters future, then when i said why he has never once put money away weekly in the last 8 years, then chooses the exact month we got into dire financial worries he just wouldnt answer. Just kept repeating he could do what he likes for his daughter with his money. But you know that certain people do a specific thing when they are lying, like not looking you in the eye, or a nervous cough etc, well he has a specific thing that he does and he was difinitely lying. Havent a clue where to go from here now : (

[pa___ul3]

I know I said we shouldn't speculate, but of all the speculating I think Barmaid's makes sense about the bankrupcy.. i.e if his money's in his daughter's account, it can't be touched / accounted for. The idea of bankrupcy to a proud and closed man would make him snappy if confronted, especially if it would threaten you / make you worry. He could have opened the separate account to try and manage bills you don't know about.
If that is the case, would it be better to open a separate account for yourself in case?

[Smowball]

lol I wanted to have snowball but it said it was taken so i changed it to smowball!

[Smowball]

Hmmm, the bankrupcy thing could be a possibility I guess, I do think whatever it is , is more along those lines than anything else.

[albaqwerty]

Whatever his reasons/excuses, I'm sorry this is happening.
A dreadful place to be, both emotionally and mentally. I wish you much strength to cope x

[pa___ul3]

I was just thinking if it is that, and he is the stubborn / closed type, it may mean your approach may need to be different.. i.e. 'listen, I know there's something going on, and I'm worried, if it's something serious I want to be able to help you' as opposed to the all guns blazing. I'm kind of that type and it's instinctive to throw up walls when faced with stuff like that, but I'm sure if you've been married to him for however long, you've got a good idea of how to approach it!

[Smowball]

There was an incident a few months ago that had me worried that he was seriously in trouble workwise and in fact I now know for a fact that he had done(in fact it may be connected, hmmm) and I did exactly that- I sat him down and said was there anything wrong, and that it didnt matter what it was, we would sort it out - and he just looked at me and said there was nothing wrong. Oh, I am soooo fed up

[mazie]

That's the Key Smow...You are not on your own you're a couple and that should work both ways. I agree with you I dont think the money is for his Daughter either, otherwise he would deposit it in an high interest account for her future.Why a cash card for a child of eleven. There's so much I would want an answer for. If I was you I would sit down and write down all the things that are bothering me and ask for explanations. If he refuses to give you answers then something is very amiss. At least you'll know though

[Smowball]

Thanks mazie. Re the bank card, banks do automatically offer the child a cashcard when they reach 11 yrs old - well ours does anyway.its just for the cashpoint, they cant use them instore or online. The prob is that he will not change his answer once he ha said it - its for his daughter and he wont go back on that. So its a stalemate. Am blooming dreading the atmosphere this evening.

[sallybb]

Fairs fair Smowball, you have had to work extra, so that he could put that money into her account. If he keeps insisting its for his daughter (even though you doubt it). You are perfectly entiled to have half of it for your son. It wasn't needed to increase the family finances, that is very clear.
By insisting he gives your son half, may draw out the reasons why he has done this. Good luck, Ithink its true to say that we all, will be thnking of you tonight.
xx

[Smowball]

aww thankyou. Just wish I could toughen up a bit. Im a fairly outgoing person but when it comes to confrontation I just avoid it at all cost. He knows this as well . Dont know whether he thinks im just stupid or whether he is just being incredibly arrogant to think that I would never find our any of this or question it. Yet I was just looking for something upstairs and found the birthday card he gave me recently, and the words he wrote were so lovely. How can he be two different people?

[ummmm]

Because he's doing something wrong....doing things wrong doesn't usually sit well with most decent folk.

[Nosha123]

When will you be seeing his daughter again/... can you tell her in front of him how lovely her dad has been and hes opened her up a banks account.. and that you thought it might be a nice idea if you and her (or him and her) went shopping for the day and bought her some nice new clothes...
Then if she knows about the account - and how much is in there he is then deceiving her as well as you if he is lying! (as in.. Oooh look my dear.. your daddy has saved up £500 for you already!!!! Wow... thats a lot of money isnt it... why dont you ask daddy to take you shopping and treat you... he did say the money was for you and that you could withdraw it anytime you like!)
Force him into a corner.. something really isnt right here and he is treating you like a muppet. You have proved you are smarter than that as you have sussed him out this far!

[DTCwordfan]

Have a controlled freak-out, Smowball you need to lance this one, get all the sordid pus out on the table.

Phone a friend and ask if you can spend the night there (ha bagpack or take ne around earlier).

Sit him down and ask him "honestly what is going on."

If he does not own up, throw a controlled paddy at him, get up and storm out - saying that you will return when he is honest with you and then depart.

Leave him stew for the night and then try again.....he will be some what mortified and far more contrite and this time you may get very much closer to the crux of the issue.

And enjoy your evening away.

[Nosha123]

I think this could be linked to the work thing you suspected a while ago (in your earlier post)... timings are the same.... asking you to do extra jobs too... He's hiding money from someone... hmmmm.. could tax man be after him with a big bill? vat? any suppliers? loans?

[DTCwordfan]

do not know what is happening with my keyboard. it should have been "Pack a bag and ideally take it around early"

[Smowball]

lol I understood what you were saying. he is actually meant to be collecting daughter after school tomorrow to spend half term with us. Ive still got the bank statement, I may well give it to her, after all it is in her name : )

[Smowball]

in case I havent already said it, thankyou all sooo much for all the support the last 2 days - its made me realise that I have been turning a blind eye to too many things and he is just pushing and pushing how much he can get away with. You are all impartial and so have a clearer view on what is going on. You're all great.

[brenda]

I think your OH is seriously troubled and very anxious about something. So serious in fact that he is unable to talk to you about it. Maybe he fears if things are revealed you may leave him-- I don't know.
His actions may have been carried out in desparation about the anxiety he has.
It may well be work related,or something a bit dodgy .
I would not involve the child , she is not responsible for Dad's actions , and it could add further to his stress.
Really do wish you well with this, and urge that you get to grips with it as far as you can, but hope that you are able to do this with care because of the children.All the very best.