lying

[leanne_1987]

my partner is in the army based abroad, last night he text to say he was off to bed and said goodnight got a drunken text at 2 o'clock ( would be 4 in morning were he is based) this morning saying he loves me asked were he was and said he was in the casino; think he forgot that he had told me he was going to sleep! I didnt say anything to him about lying as didnt want to cause an arguement. Tonight the same thing as happened, he'd gone out to watch the boxing and the England match and at half 7 he said he was back in his room but for some reason i think he is lying to me again, do you think i should say something, i have no problems with him going out and enoying himself its the fact that he feels the need to lie about it what is getting me mad, this one lie has made me completley question our relationship and i am so angry! 3 days ago he was asking me to try for a baby with him even though we havent been together that long, i am so confused...any opinions or advice will be listened to

[B00]

Well for a start i'd forget the baby making idea!

What a ridiculous suggestion, not known him long and already theres talk of children? Awful, awful idea.

[ummmm]

he was going to bed, bumped into some lads who were heading out, and changed his mind and went with them...

Wow...that makes you question your relationship?

[leanne_1987]

i know that, I have told him it is no going to happen, dont worry

[mrs_overall]

I agree with Boo 100%

Also, if he is going to lie about minor stuff, you can bet your bottom dollar he will tell porkies about major things as well

[leanne_1987]

thing is i completely hate people who lie and he knows this, he has been quiet and talking differently all day, its as if he think i will go mad at him if he tells me what hes doing but i would never do that, he needs a life while he is over there

[ummmm]

Is there no such thing as changing your mind then?

Does it mean that everytime someone changes their mind they become a liar?

[sherrardk]

Do you go out often? I am only asking as he might be thinking that you stay in all of the time (because he is away) and he doesn't want to look like he is enjoying himself too much.

[leanne_1987]

no not at all, but i asked him if he wanted me to ring him earlier and he said he is in bed but hes texting every so often ust not how he normally talks, i think its is a gut feeling that i think he is lying about something

[ummmm]

He probably has looked at his sent messages and is waiting for the third degree...

[Prudie]

You've only known him a couple of months haven't you and he's been posted abroad most of that time. He's probably just trying to not upset you by implying he's pining in his room every night! This seems like normal lads behaviour to me, probably his mates said come on out and most guys wouldn't say no.

[leanne_1987]

no i dont go out that often, so yeah it could be that, i like being at home with my daughter for her bath and bedtime but i go out with friends in the week when i'm not working whilst she is at school

[boxtops]

leanne - I wouldn't keep questioning him, if I were you. I remember your early posts where you wanted to know more about where he was stationed, etc. - it really is better just to let him tell you what he wants to tell you.

If he's out at night with the lads, that's because it's what they do. They don't want to spend the night sitting around in the barracks, they go out - and remember that there is very little to spend their money on out there, all food, accommodation etc is paid for, so they enjoy themselves when they get a chance of a night off. My OH is ex-Forces so I know where he's coming from.

What difference does it really make where he is when he contacts you? He thinks enough of you to keep in very close touch, just take comfort from that. You have to give him some rein you don't know - nor, believe me, do you want to know - what sort of stresses he may be under "on the job" and that he is not allowed to discuss.

The talk about babies shows how much he's missing you - but you are a long way away, it makes people sentimental and yearning, and he's got plenty of time to think. When he comes home, he's got to get back to life in a civilian setting, which looks very much different from where he is at the moment.

If there are still people on here with husbands/sons/lovers stationed abroad, they will know that this is difficult. It sounds as if you honestly are behaving as if he's living up the road and you need to keep checking up on him. Please don't - you need to trust him. If he's been out with the lads and drinking he won't remember story 1 by the time he tells you story 2. He's only out getting some light relief from the day job.

By the way if he's in Europe he's an hour ahead of you, not 2 hours behind you.... so 1 am's not that unreasonable. Give him some slack.

[leanne_1987]

oh i dont question him at all and he is the one who texts me first as i dont like to as i dont know what hours he is working, he is actually the first man i have trusted fully but its silly little lies that i dont like, i tell him to get him self out when he says he is staying in his room. i'm not one of these possessive partners that needs to know what he is getting up to every minute of the day, if anything hes the one doing it to me lol

[boxtops]

He's probably trying, then, to give you the answers he thinks you want - and he's forgotten what he told you first time round. I wouldn't be unduly bothered about it.

[ummmm]

Errrrr....you've been with him 5 weeks.

[leanne_1987]

yeah it has been about 5 weeks, i have told him no to babies! He has already he told me he loves me and i said to him we need to slow down a little but you can't help who you fall in love with, i think we know everything about one another and get on brillantly, think ive read too much into as this relationship is moving to fast

[boxtops]

It's ever such a new relationship - you're his link to home and nice things. He's still getting used to the idea of having a girlfriend back home - it's a bit of a culture shift from being a lad on his own.

[ummmm]

< i think we know everything about one another and get on brillantly,>

How many weeks out of the 5 have you actually spent with him?

I'm sorry, but it sounds like you need a reality check. You can't possibly know everything about someone in 5 weeks. And if you did know everything about him, why are you questioning your relationship?

[Sqad]

Well....with that degree of suspicion based on such flimsy evidence....my advice is for HIM.

Get rid of HER.

[Brenden]

My advice to you leanne is wait for that little gold band on your finger before thinking of babies.