probably a silly question but here goes.

[Jenarry]

Is it normal for the woman of the house to do the lion's share of the work around the house.
i've lived with 3 partners and although they have been different personalities types it always seems to be the same set up once we've moved in together. Namely me feeling overwhelmed with the chores I have to do for me ,my partner and my son.I'm in my 40's now and i'm proper hacked off with it now. I've always worked and so have my partners but it seems to fall on me to look after a lot of the house chores as well...with very little help.
I try to cut my current bf some slack because he does do a very physical job but my patience really runs thin when after work i'm trying to get tea for my son,fix us some food, get school bags ready for the next day,washing up, putting bins out.etc,etc!!! aaargh.
insult to injury is that i know my bf was very particular in his house.. up at the crack of dawn at weekends washing bedsheets etc,his house was immaculate but that has all stopped now he's living in my place and i feel like the flipping maid once again!!!!
it's probably added stress of christmas preparations but i feel so fed up right now and i keep thinking that i would be better off livng on my own again (with my son )and i can't shake the feeling off. :O( :O(

[grffindoor2011]

I've always insisted 50/50. At the dating stage, it's one of those questions for me that pops up into conversation. 'what do you think about sharing chores'

There are some lazy people around, but....each relationship is different. My ex wife worked shifts. I would certainly do my share when she was working 48 hours over 4 days, but we both knew that when she was off she did a pro rata share.

You need to talk to him. I suspect he has got used to you doing it all without you overtly complaining. The longer you leave it, the less he will do.

I would though mention it when things are relaxed. No kid screaming or bringing it up during an argument. Treat it as general conversation and not a personal attack.

[atrollope]

Men become lazy very quickly..youve got to put your foot down...you probably let him get away with slacking at the start,and now he is blissfully unaware that you are running around like a Blue ass Fly...sit him down,and spell it out..get him cooking,shopping,cleaning,bit at a time..it will soon become habit..I wish you good luck Jenarry...and dont back down..it worked with mine :-)

[atrollope]

And it was in no way a silly question...as grffondoor says..pick a quiet time..and have a relaxing chat about things domestic...maybe with feet up and a glass of wine each....let him know how tiring current arrangements are for you..xxx

[Buenchico]

Yes, it's probably fairly 'normal' (because there will be millions of similar households), but that's not the same as saying that it's 'right'!

Perhaps you need to know 'where I'm coming from' (horrid American phrase!) with my post. Back in my college days I was incredibly tidy and well-organised. (When the college bursar wanted to show the Lord Mayor's wife a typical college bedroom she chose mine because she knew that everything would be immaculate). But as the years have gone by I've simply decided that housework is pointless. (I've not touched my vacuum cleaner in over a decade, for example. I've even been known to tip all of the washing up into the bin after it's been sitting there for over a year!). But if some nice kind lady would like to come into my life and do the cooking, washing, washing-up and cleaning (as well as providing me with companionship and sex!) I'd probably be very grateful!

I suspect that your partner is slipping into the same mould as me. In my house it doesn't matter. (I live on my own and I'm happy in the knowledge that my house could take a starring role in any TV 'grime' programme; I positively enjoy living this way). But your house is very different. You need to put your foot down with your partner (while possibly still questioning the necessity of some task, such as regular dusting or ironing underwear - there are some jobs that neither of you need really do!)

Chris

[Jenarry]

ah thankyou both. i had a talk to my bloke in the past that life during the week wasn't much fun for me :O( but i need to broach it again i think. i just feel burnt out most days and don't get sat down til well past 9pm whilst still thinking that i should be doing jobs a,b and c . :O(

[atrollope]

good luck Jenarry..and get on his case...soonest!! :-)

[Jenarry]

i'm not that sort of person buenchico. it does come down to jobs that MUST be done .making dinner for us all after our busy days ,emptying a full kitchen bin.washing up from breakfast and well as pots i've used making dinner. putting bin out on appropriate night else binmen come so early in the am they get missed. the odd bit of emergency ironing of uniforms otherwise everything else can wait til the weekend...and i'm getting fed up of the lot. why do i have to go through life being in charge of the house. can't someone else do it for just a little while. :O(

[missprim]

The only way to solve this is to talk to your partner. Ask him why he doesn't help more around the house. Do you think it's because he moved into your house and feels you have a way of doing things your way.The only way to get round this is to have it out and tell him how you feel. If he says he doesn't want to help then just look after you and your son.Don't cook for him, wash or iron his clothes, and withhold his demands in the bedroom too until he gets his act together.I totally agree with atrollope, the longer you leave it, the worse it will get. Good luck x

[jno]

it is 'normal' but it isn't right. Duties should be shared. This doesn't have to involve rigid 50-50 splits with both parties clocking in and out. If one partner enjoys the cooking and the other enjoys the driving, for instance, shrer them out that way.

But if you're genuinely overburdened, it may be time to take a Christmas break from your work!

[atrollope]

The quiet relaxing chat seems to be a good approach..who needs confrontation when the matter is so serious to you...if partner begins to throw up his arms and protest..well thats the boy/lazy man in him...gently quieten him,and say...Look,I have chosen this time to have a quiet,gentle conversation..I want you to know,be aware that I am,almost all the time,completely worn out,run ragged...and Im asking you what you could do to lighten my load.

[Frostie74]

If your both working its a 50/50 thing surely. Years ago it was the ladies who ran the house (hardest job ever) but they didn't traditionally go to work. Crack that whip, a happy relationship is an equal one!!!

[woofgang]

Sorry and the other posters are right in their advice but IMO the common denominator here is you.....so is it anything to do with how you go into the relationship and your expectations? Please give this some thought before you react.....often people treat us a certain way because of the signals we give off about how we expect (not want, expect) to be treated.

[beso]

No it isn't normal. Lions just sit around and let the females do the hunting then get up and demand they get first go at the food.

Sounds more like women do the lionesses share of the work.

[VHG]

If you are doing the lions share of the work it is only because you LET yourself do the lions share.

If people know someone else is going to do it they wont bother.

Stop doing the washing, stop tidying up, stop buying the food, stop doing other jobs, just do stuff for YOURSELF. See how the rest of the family feel when there are no clothes to wear, no food to eat, no plates to eat off.

Then they may start to share the chores.

[bednobs]

its 70-30 in our house (he does 70 i do 30) Just this morning he got up, put the clothes away, stripped the bed, put the washing on and emptied the dishie and walked the dogs - all while im sitting on the sofa in my dressing gown.
however, your partner isn't psychic, so if you want him to know he has to do more you have to tell him

[Old_Geezer]

I'm unsure 'normal' is the relevant thing here, what is important is that an agreement is reached as otherwise there is a possible breakdown of the relationship.

It is my belief that generally the male of the species is happier leaving things longer and putting up with the consequences than forever keeping on top of everything. The female tends to like things done and tidied, so it is usually the female that opts to do stuff and then complains.

The short answer is that if the present situation doesn't suit you then talk to your partner about it. Come to an agreement, or else give the relationship up and find someone you are more compatible with.

[ummmm]

How old is your son?
Do you have a dishwasher?

Streamline the chores. Why are you doing separate food? Why can't your son sort his own school bag out? If the living room needs a tidy get them to do it while you're cooking dinner.The bins only go out once a week....ask them both to help you.

[mccfluff]

i share a house with a fat lazy slob who does bugger all apart from fart

seriously Chris? your house must stink!

[NOX]

How much is done by each partner depends very much on how busy each is at any given time. When my wife was working I did most, when I wsa she did, when we both were then we hired someone if we thought we were going to be too busy. Alongside that all the kids had chores and did them because they knew they were helping to keep pandemonium at bay in the house.
If you are feeling taken advantage of then tell him and get it sorted because if it festers then it'll be the end of you.

[ummmm]

I think it is festering because putting the bins out takes less than 5 minutes. Most people do that without even thinking about it.