Weird behaviour

[Sade]

I've asked about this before but since it's still happening I thought I'd ask again! For several months I've had a fun and friendly email exchange with a colleague- he was my teacher at Uni but we are the same age. I've kept in contact via email hoping we could work together as we both do the same creative work. Emails are funny and long and frequent. However, in person he won't make eye contact, will only speak to my (male) friend and generally avoids me. I don't know why!!? It is not a flirty relationship. It's as if he is scared to speak in real life. I'm not sure what to do without challenging him and making it into an issue. Any thoughts?

[Jemisa]

Well Sade if you're such good friends and talk a lot via email can't you ask him about it diplomatically of course?. or perhaps drop a few hints. He talks quite openly via email he may just open up.

jem

[Sade]

He doesn't really talk about personal stuff, Jemisa, we talk about kinda intellectual things- art and music, and send silly and funny youtube links. So, not friends as such!?

[happyone2]

Im wondering if he realises its you hes having this fun exchange with ?? Is it clear from you email address thats its you ??

[cathfromsaron]

i was wondering of someone was having fun at his/your expense?

is it *really him*?

or does he send the messages only when he is drunk?

[Sade]

He definitely knows it's me! And he replies sometimes from work and sometimes from home, so yes, sometimes sober, sometimes drunk, probably!It is absolutely not a confusion issue!

[bednobs]

perhaps he has some sort of illnes (autism; aspergers syndrome) that makes it hard for him to relate in "real life" to people?

[Sade]

He was fine as a teacher and is fine with other people. It's just me. I'm concerned he is worried I fancy him and he doesn't like me, so doesn't want to 'encourage' me by being nice in public. I know he is a shy person but functions better in 'work mode' where everything's above board. I just don't know whether to give up- stop emailing- sod him and his weirdness, or stick with it and hope there is a reason, or try and say something ?

[boxtops]

Quite possibly - some teachers have got into serious trouble over inappropriate relationships with students. Perhaps he doesn't like talking to women - some blokes don't. I'd give the email correspondence a rest for a while if I were you, and see what happens.

[DosAmigos]

Perhaps he just doesn't fancy you.

[Sade]

Dos- I'm sure he doesn't fancy me! But surely that would make it easier to just be friendly in person rather than not making eye contact and avoiding me altogether! Boxtops- yes, true- but we are 40+ and it was a postgrad course which ended last year, and I now work at the college too in a different department!

[Sade]

I should also point out that we had a couple of tutorials (completely professional one to ones) which lasted 3 hours- it was like talking to a good friend, so I know he is perfectly capable of being friendly. I just don't know what's changed, and if he wants me to back off, why does he keep emailing? Sorry for this being so confusing!

[Brinjal]

Perhaps he does fancy you but is too shy to speak to you in person.

[Sade]

Brinjal, I know I have felt like that in the past about men I've fancied- I can speak to their friend but not to them! I would of course be amazed if this was the case, but I wish there was a way to find out. He is not flirty and has made no effort to come to things he has been invited to by me/mutual friends. I think he prefers his own company. I just don't want to spoil a potential good friendship by getting his signals wrong, and embarrassing myself and him!!