Can you help me help my best friend,any advice or useful websites you reccommend?

[pillj123]

Briefly,my best friend discovered within her second marriage that having children was not possible.In the midst of all that sadness,their sex life dried up,and both decided they didnt want IVF or to adopt.
Sadness and this deterioration led her to have an affair...with a close friends husband,whos own marriage was beyond help.My friend fell in love with him and his 2 kids.
Eventually confession happened...several months later.Her own husband,too nice to chuck her out....simpley withdrew...separate rooms etc.Nownearly 2 years later,he is wishing that things could go back to when they were both happy together....yet neither know how to progress in unravelling how this is possible....There is an awful lot more to this....but how should they heal things,and is it possible to have sexual feelings and passion return,when so much has happened to destroy it.?

I should add her husband still thinks about having a happy marriage joy kids,good sex,every time he sees old friends in this happy circumstance.How would he know if it is right to leave the marriage,and start again ?

[shoota]

Go to Relate.......they're the experts.

[sandyRoe]

Could these people help?

http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html

[dave50]

Give it up as a bad job and move on. Go out and meet someone else, a fresh start is what's needed.

[pillj123]

I think the husband has tried to get my friend to have counselling,as she was the unfaithful one.....but my own feeling is ,he needs help in reaching a decision .I just thought I would ask you lovely lot before I get back to my friend...thanks!

[pizza]

I personally think when a relationship does deteriorate and one partner starts an affair there really is no going back.
I am not saying it never works but the relationship may have broke down due to sadness and their sex life drying up, yet your friend wasn't too sad to have an affair with this married man.
Once there's been someone else involved all the feelings of trust go and things can never be the same.
Your friend and her husband both need to move on they owe it to .

[pillj123]

interesting...2 responses for counselling,and 2 suggest moving on to a new life.
Interesting too that the couple in question have stayed 'together'for 2 years,and yet still the wound hasnot healed.I know she still loves both men too!
I will write a careful e-mail for their attention........
Thank-you so far for chipping in!

[pizza]

Sorry pillj just realised I missed the end off my answer, should have read owe it to themselves.
Your friend is lucky to have such a thoughtful friend like you and I hope she and her husband find the happiness they are looking for in life x

[pillj123]

Thank-you Pizza for your kind words....its a bit scarey raking over someone elses turmoil,and trying not to give direction....but to make them think for themselves,and reach an adequate solution.

[pizza]

You're very welcome pillj x