am i being unreasonable?

[peason77]

my bf came around to my house tonight. For the first 30mins all he did was play on his phone. I've since found out he was playing on facebook, accepting his ex's friend request. I'm slightly insecure of her, i've told him so in the past. She is also a mate of mine, and he said he couldn't give a crap about her and wants a future with me. He obviously accepted her friend request whilst he was sat next to me on the sofa but didn't say anything to me. I wouldn't have minded had he have said 'oh i'm friends with Sarah now' i know i can't chose his friends, but the fact he said nothing, knowing how i feel, seems a bit odd to me. I'm not the really jealous type, i don't know whether i have a right to be miffed or not. I wouldn't have minded if he'd mentioned it,but to be sat next to me whilst he accepted her as a friend makes me feel weird. Do i just forget it?

[pizza]

From your post you need some reassurance and although I have no idea how long you two have been together but from you have said I certainly don't think you are being unreasonable.IMO this relationship isn't right for you because he's so secretive

[ummmm]

"I wouldn't have minded if he'd mentioned it"

I doubt that...

There is nothing wrong with not being comfortable with that.

[peason77]

yeah perhaps 'i wouldn't have minded' is slightly incorrect. I would have, but less so. He know's his ex is a hard issue for me, especially as she is a friend of mine. I think i'll talk to him about it in a polite, mature and dignified manner, and just let him know how i feel. I'm frightened he may go in the huff with me, but i guess i'll have to cross that bridge.........if he does throw his dollies out of the pram i'm not going to chase him.

[karenmac60]

You said he knows you are insecure of her. Surely that is exactly why he didn't mention it. He probably thinks he was sparing your feelings by keeping schtum.

[welshlibranr]

sorry!.....I would have minded!...........she's supposed to be his ex!.......why does he want to be her FB friend!.....is he keeping his options open?........I wouldn't trust him at all!.........sorry!..........

[ummmm]

I'm 'friends' with a few of my ex's. My OH doesn't bat an eye. If he did, I'd delete them.

Tell him how you feel...

[micmak]

Evening Welsh. Long time no speak. I still see you love you ....... though ♥

[welshlibranr]

Evening to you too mik!.........hope you're good!........

[ummmm]

Welsh, not all relationships end badly.

[Jemisa]

Get rid, peas, asap.

jem

[welshlibranr]

true ummmm, but if he was open and honest about wanting to be friends with his ex, there wouldn't be a problem now!.....It's all about being open and honest, which he wasn't...........why?......

[lady-janine]

i'm with jem on this.

[ummmm]

Don't listen to the 'get rid' advisers.

We know 1 issue about your relationship. ONE 1 issue!!!

For all you know Jem, she could be talking about Prince Harry!!

Take it easy with your nonsense advise!!

[welshlibranr]

Oh ummmm, I'm not saying get rid, I'm saying be careful!........you and I know surely that some guys will hedge their bets, and have a poor girl to fall back on!............hope this is not the case here, but it does happen............

[starone]

I'm with jem and lady-janine too. You are wasting your time with this man.

[lady-janine]

i agree it is possible to stay friends with an ex but . . . . . . .
who is his girlfriend you or sarah, his ex?
did he say "oh i've just had a request from sarah to be her friend on fb"?
did he tell you when he had accepted her or did you find out through a third party?
what sort of bf comes round to see you and then spends 30 mins playing on his phone?
bye bye bf.
you need to find someone who appreciates you not his exs.

[sinderella]

i think you should not jump to conclusions about his actions...........................
BUT if i was ignored for half an hour by a boyfriend coming to visit me he would have spent the next hours having the phone extracted from his orifices!

[peason77]

ha ha thanks guys and gals for your answers. I only found out he'd become friends with her because i logged into my account and he is a friend of mine so on my status update it said Andy is now friends with Sarah ....... and the time corresponds with the time he was sat with me. So no major detective work done! I'm not going to get rid but i am going to talk to him about it. If he gets cross with me and doesn't understand where i'm coming from then then is the time to consider 'getting rid'. Does that sound reasonable? x

[NOX]

Not really to be honest. I am friends with ( we have the word 'friend' to distinguish platonic associates form partners you know?) 99% of my ex's. Me being friends with women who have shared something important with me has never been the end of any of my relaitonships, but cloying suffocating insecure girlfriends have on some occasions. It's not healthy to be so worried about something which is to be honest a total non event- he's friends with his ex, he knew you'd know because Facebook would inform you. He's not up to no good, he's just happy and relaxed about it because there isn't anything untoward going on. Try to relax, he's less likely to leave you for an ex than to run a mile becuase you're so needy. You deserve somthing nice in a relationship so allow it to happen without getting a drama going, you'll be seriously doing yourself a favour.

[boxtops]

TBH, being friends on FB is not significant to me at all - just means you can see each others' posts and keep in touch. why shouldn't they?