Marriage troubles

daddylonglegs | 11:43 Thu 07th Jun 2012 | Relationships & Dating

64 Answers

I need some advice. I'm in my early 30s and have been with my husband for 16 years. We have three children together. My husband does not respect me as he carries on doing things that he knows I have issues with. Porn, always looking at different women and some years ago he spied on my younger sister whilst she was getting dressed and also sexually asssulted her ( he groped her chest but she never went to the police) and through all of this I still stuck by him. Husband never surprises me, hes never interested in what I say anymore hes either watching films, playing the computer or out golfing, snooker, and football with his mates. Every time he gets caught with the porn we have an argument, he says hes sorry he loves me blah blah blah everything's good for a few months and then it all happens again. Yes I know its my fault as im constantly saying this is your last chance then of course he does it again and then again I take him back. Im a stupid mug with no self-esteem because of this but our kids absolutely dote on him and despite his faults hes a really good dad. Has anyone been through something similar, what did you do? Did you stay or leave? Surely if he really loved me he wouldn't keep doing what he does as he knows it upsets me. I feel physically sick at the moment as I feel like i'm married to a perverted creep. I know that some men look at porn im not stupid but its just something that im really against and he knows it.

Why so all of a sudden?

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ojread2

Advice? Get rid of him
Actually you should have as soon as your sister told you he groped her
What hope there was for you and he then I dont know, but why are you stil with him?
How can you forgive a man who gropes, not just another woman, but your sister?
You have written doormat on your head for him ages ago, so he continues to wipe his feet on you. Do you truly believe your children are better off with him still there? They can still 'dote' on him if he lives some where else. He can be a better dad living else where IMO because he wont be contributing to these arguments
Watching porn doesn't make him a creep or a pervert BUT it makes YOU feel inferior, 2nd best and has whittled away and your confidence and self esteem and THAT is why he should stop
Put up or shut up but do not pretend everything is OK because he does as he is told for a few months at a time

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pizza

Does this doting father ever do anything with you and the kids as a family ??
I'm afraid if he doesn't and you two as a couple don't there is no point in carrying on .
As for the relationship goes well for a few month after he's apologized for watching porn, the whole situation is ridiculous and you really need to be strong and suggest a trial separation, so you can both sit back on reflect on what is best for you both as individuals and what is best for the kids.
How many more years are you going to put up with this situation ? lifes too short and he needs a wake up call !!!

wolf63

Most of my friends are male and all of them admit to looking at porn in some form. It is only a problem if it becomes something that we become obsessed with.

It is completely normal and if you are nagging him and telling him that he is doing something wrong it is not going to help your relationship at all.

welshlibranr

think you already have the answer!...........why put yourself through this?...........not fair to you or your children, one day they're bound to find out about him!..........

Smowball

I have no problem with porn at all, but as for groping your sister??

chattykathy

A few sessions with a relationship counsellor, with or without him, might be beneficial. Good luck!!

friedgreentomato

looking at porn does not make you a pervert or perverted!!

also where did you get your figure of 25% of men look at porn? I have asked the men in the office and it is 63% here!!

pizza

On this site there are amazing people.
These people will give you the best advice and will support you x and will always wonder about you x

Keep us all in touch xx

craft1948

I quite like porn...............it's great whilst knitting and drinking gin.

askyourgran

The gin does tend to dribble a bit craft and I've missed a few button holes when watching it.

craft1948

Man up ayg................I've never dropped a stitch.

askyourgran

did you say man up?? lol

mrsmaveric

get rid just for the fact he groped your sister...good god how much more can he de-mean you??? the kids may dote on him but if you split up with him they can still see him..get your act together and stop being treated like the idiot he thinks you are..the mind boggles...it really does...

EDDIE51

You are making too much of the porn thing. I speak as a man and it has nothing to do with the relationship. ( but I disagree with the 25% more like 95% !) The problem is your lack of self esteem .
I will not mention the groping of your sister as it is in the past and forgiven (as long as nothing like it ever happens again. )
You say he is always on the computer, playing golf, snooker or watching foot ball with his mates. Yet you say he is a good Dad ! When and where does he find 'quality time' with the children ?
Also I have to ask as it is relevent , how is your sex life ? Do you only let him have sex just to avoid arguments? Or is it non existent ? I am almost certain you will say it is one or the other. I would be astounded if you tell us you have normal frequent sex that you both enjoy.
There is another web site called ivillage that specialises in questions of this type . I suggest you look at it and ask the same question there. It is run by women and aimed at women though men can join as guests, they are far more used to dealng with this sort of thing than us on AB, many of us are 'out of our depth'