Quizzes & Puzzles10 mins ago
The 'uncommitted Relationship' Stage!
35 Answers
Hey all.
Been wracking my brains over this one n thought I'd get the opinions of people that don't know me. More impartial maybe.
Sooooo been dating a guy since the beginning of Oct. All going well. He's currently separated from wife (just 8 months though). We've discussed this and in all honesty that doesn't play on my mind. The thing for me I guess is I'm being very mindful and understanding of the fact that's he's 'newly single' and allowing things to develop slowly. However, how slow should I take it? I really do like this guy....and want things to develop but I'm worried if I apply too much pressure he'll get scared n go in the opposite direction. At the same time not getting any younger n want to feel settled.
Such a frustrating situation. Just wondered if any guys had any pearls of wisdoms or indeed any females having been in a similar situation?
I guess I don't want to get so frustrated I end things cos it's 'easier'.
Thanks everyone.
Been wracking my brains over this one n thought I'd get the opinions of people that don't know me. More impartial maybe.
Sooooo been dating a guy since the beginning of Oct. All going well. He's currently separated from wife (just 8 months though). We've discussed this and in all honesty that doesn't play on my mind. The thing for me I guess is I'm being very mindful and understanding of the fact that's he's 'newly single' and allowing things to develop slowly. However, how slow should I take it? I really do like this guy....and want things to develop but I'm worried if I apply too much pressure he'll get scared n go in the opposite direction. At the same time not getting any younger n want to feel settled.
Such a frustrating situation. Just wondered if any guys had any pearls of wisdoms or indeed any females having been in a similar situation?
I guess I don't want to get so frustrated I end things cos it's 'easier'.
Thanks everyone.
Answers
Best Answer
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For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.And this is where I don't get guys! I very gently (fairy like) broached this subject with him over Xmas as basically I needed to know where I stood. He said we were on the same page but his actions don't really back it up. I know I sound like a proper girl now. Am I being paranoid? For me, I just don't wanna waste my time.
I split up with my wife about 35 years ago and got into another relationship quickly.
However with two children involved, and all the hassle of a divorce, and finding a new place to live, I found it hard to get too committed to this new partner.
Our relationship was on and off for many months (she would live with me for a while, then move back to her parents, then come back to live with me).
In the end she fell pregnant after we had been seeing each other for about 4 years and we got married.
So it was about 4 years between me meeting her and getting married (we are still together after 28 years of marriage).
However don't underestimate how difficult it is to split up from your husband / wife, and how much it affects you life. For a long time you feel a failure and are scared to get too deep into another relationship.
You have only been seeing this guy for about 3 months or so, which is nothing really, so you should not even be THINKING about your long term future, just enjoying your time with him..
I have to say if you start putting too much pressure on him you will drive him away.
So back off from the pressure, make life with him FUN, try to make him forget his failed marriage, and maybe when all the divorce etc. is over he may think about settling down again.
But it may take him a couple of years.
However with two children involved, and all the hassle of a divorce, and finding a new place to live, I found it hard to get too committed to this new partner.
Our relationship was on and off for many months (she would live with me for a while, then move back to her parents, then come back to live with me).
In the end she fell pregnant after we had been seeing each other for about 4 years and we got married.
So it was about 4 years between me meeting her and getting married (we are still together after 28 years of marriage).
However don't underestimate how difficult it is to split up from your husband / wife, and how much it affects you life. For a long time you feel a failure and are scared to get too deep into another relationship.
You have only been seeing this guy for about 3 months or so, which is nothing really, so you should not even be THINKING about your long term future, just enjoying your time with him..
I have to say if you start putting too much pressure on him you will drive him away.
So back off from the pressure, make life with him FUN, try to make him forget his failed marriage, and maybe when all the divorce etc. is over he may think about settling down again.
But it may take him a couple of years.
\\\\He's currently separated from wife (just 8 months though). \\\
Yeah! right.
If he is now a "free agent" he will be playing the field and you will not be the only "contestant."
He will choose if your relationship has any future.....not you.
Are you having sex?
The best that you can do is to look good, smell good and perform on the stage when given the chance.............then you might...just might, be the chosen one.
Yeah! right.
If he is now a "free agent" he will be playing the field and you will not be the only "contestant."
He will choose if your relationship has any future.....not you.
Are you having sex?
The best that you can do is to look good, smell good and perform on the stage when given the chance.............then you might...just might, be the chosen one.
Too soon, Sarah, much too soon. A relationship split takes time, 8 months is very little time. Don't push it, just enjoy it for what it is at the moment. You've known him for half the time he's been separated from his wife (and he is still legally married to her, so no way is he making long term plans yet, too much to deal with before that can happen). Just go with the flow - what do you expect to happen after so short a time?
Thank you very much VHG for sharing. It's good to get another perspective. I also understand what yore saying about feeling like you've failed as that's very much the impression he gives.
It's difficult cos you feel stuck between a rock n a hard place. You've met someone you really like but circumstances mean things are sllooooooow! Reasons for the split was that he wants a family and she didn't so he broke it off. He's quite open in saying that as she didn't want the things he did, he's gonna go out there and find someone that will. Simples.
In terms of me being the 'only contestant'....I'm honestly not that naive. I don't imagine for one minute that this guy has split from wife and I've been the only one he's dates HOWEVER, doesn't mean I have to like it! I don't think most guys would like to think the girl they are 'seeing' is also 'seeing' other men.
As I said previous tho I just don't wanna get so frustrated that I call time.
It's difficult cos you feel stuck between a rock n a hard place. You've met someone you really like but circumstances mean things are sllooooooow! Reasons for the split was that he wants a family and she didn't so he broke it off. He's quite open in saying that as she didn't want the things he did, he's gonna go out there and find someone that will. Simples.
In terms of me being the 'only contestant'....I'm honestly not that naive. I don't imagine for one minute that this guy has split from wife and I've been the only one he's dates HOWEVER, doesn't mean I have to like it! I don't think most guys would like to think the girl they are 'seeing' is also 'seeing' other men.
As I said previous tho I just don't wanna get so frustrated that I call time.
\\\\sqad, not every man has rampant loins, believe it or not as you will.\\\\
boxy.......have have I said that? Just look at some replies in this section and it is clear that "some men's" loins are purely secondary.
I give my opinion from my experiences as everyone does, I would assume.
Perhaps it would please you if i didnt post in Relationship and Dating?
boxy.......have have I said that? Just look at some replies in this section and it is clear that "some men's" loins are purely secondary.
I give my opinion from my experiences as everyone does, I would assume.
Perhaps it would please you if i didnt post in Relationship and Dating?
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