The 'uncommitted Relationship' Stage!

[sarah-london]

Hey all.

Been wracking my brains over this one n thought I'd get the opinions of people that don't know me. More impartial maybe.

Sooooo been dating a guy since the beginning of Oct. All going well. He's currently separated from wife (just 8 months though). We've discussed this and in all honesty that doesn't play on my mind. The thing for me I guess is I'm being very mindful and understanding of the fact that's he's 'newly single' and allowing things to develop slowly. However, how slow should I take it? I really do like this guy....and want things to develop but I'm worried if I apply too much pressure he'll get scared n go in the opposite direction. At the same time not getting any younger n want to feel settled.

Such a frustrating situation. Just wondered if any guys had any pearls of wisdoms or indeed any females having been in a similar situation?

I guess I don't want to get so frustrated I end things cos it's 'easier'.

Thanks everyone.

[Dee Sa]

h has only been separated for 8 months, the break up is probably still raw and he wont want to commit so soon, maybe he is hoping he will get back with his wife, its much too soon for him to begin a new relationship and he also may want to play the field a bit, leave things as they are for now or you will frighten him away, in the meantime don't make him the centre of your universe go out with your friends etc don't sit at home & wait.

[ummmm]

To be fair we don't know anything about his marriage. His marriage could have been over for years before he left. Not many people walk away from a marriage when they still have romantic feelings for their spouse.

[sarah-london]

The marriage was over long before they split. Having been in a similar position myself (minus the marriage but being engaged and living with fiancé) I know how hard it is when you first split, even if you've been the one to break it off. I agree it is too early for him to be in a serious relationship with me. Maybe that tells me what I need to do!

[ummmm]

What are you going to do?

[grasscarp]

You havent been seeing him very long. You want things to develop but you have to let him do the running. Dont always say yes when he asks to meet. Do still see other friends. Men enjoy the chase and you have to not try and lead. At the moment he is not even really available in that he is still married. Best of luck.

[browntrout]

This thing about men always up for it. I read about a female film director filming a sex scene. the male actor said "what's my motivation here". the director replied "you're a man aren't you." that just about sums it up.

[pixie373]

What do you mean by "pushing things along"? Do you want to spend more time with him? Move in with him? I don't really see why there's a problem when you're both happy to take things slowly. It doesn't matter what your friends think.

[ummmm]

Not all men like the chase, especially as they get older.

Do you just want him to confirm that his intentions are that this is the start of a long term relationship.

[sarah-london]

I think 'pushing along' for me is just starting to spend a little bit more time together. That's it. I'm not asking for him to declare undying love for me. I'm not asking to move in, hell no. Just know it's the start of something that could potentially go somewhere. I'm not sure if I need to back out entirely and let him have time to himself and just be? I dunno. I think that's my best plan. It's not what I wanna do but hey ho x

[pixie373]

Do what you want to do. You can't really second-guess him, so make suggestions for when you want to see him and see what happens.

[sarah-london]

Thank you pixie. I called time. Clearly he isn't ready and we've talked it all out. It's all ended nicely. A lovely guy just not ready. Both agreed it's sad we didn't meet 6 months down the line. Gutting but hey what can ya do?

[Peter Pedant]

Agree murraymints - early days....

[joko]

what kind of relationship do you have?
are you his fnuk buddy?
or do you go out on dates?
or do you hang around the house just chilling, watching tv etc?

do you only see him once or twice a week?
how often does he ring you?
does he only invite you to his late in the evening?

i think you need to look at this, as if you are not really clear that he is really into you, then chances are hes not...

8 months is short and he may just want to have some uncomplicated fun and sex for a while, before hes ready to get into anything serious again - he may still be hung up on his wife

i left my ex of 5 years and he was a mess - but now hes chasing other girls just for sex - he admits it freely that hes not ready for anything serious, and just needs to be single and free to do what he wants for a while - until he sorts his head out

maybe your man is in the same frame of mind?

[CokeTulip]

Good luck Sarah.. I was going to say - you know the answer deep down yourself and what about you? What you describe sounds like a drag.

For what its worth, I would not entertain going out with anyone "separated" or recently divorced and I cant add to that really.

In what woof and sqad say, I completely get where they are coming from.