Am I Being Used ?

[tamaris]

I have a friend who I do like, although she can be a bit of a snob at times.
She is always setting up meetings for coffee, cinema etc etc and very often will then call and say she can't make it for some reason, it is happening more and more.
She calls me several times a week for a chat. I know she doesn't want to end the friendship.
Another good friend of mine says she is not acting like a proper friend. What do you all make of this, and what would you do ?

[woofgang]

If you are happy, really happy, with the basis of the friendship then keep her as a friend. If you are not happy then don't. Its as simple as that.

[jim360]

How do you feel after these meetings get set up and then cancelled at the last minute? I mean it's possible that there's a genuine reason each time but it sounds a bit bad. If you see her away from the cancelled meetings then I'd be tempted to just let it slide, but only if you aren't being too hurt by it.

[EcclesCake]

Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or for life.

[Cloverjo]

Some people are very selfish. It sounds like this friend is one of them. If you enjoy her company, keep going and putting up with her excuses. If not,tell her you've had enough, and won't be messed around any more.

[askyourgran]

If it is a real friendship and you do like her why not point it out to her. The next time she asks to meet you ask her casually if she definately intends to meet you this time as she gave backword the last time etc. Your other friend maybe jealous of your friendship with her, if your friend rings you for a chat during the week it sounds as if she values your friendship.

[tamaris]

What is your point divebuddy ?

[Nibble]

why don't you just not agree to the meeting up for a while, say you are doing other things? Not making concrete plans doesn't really matter if you are good friends and speak on the phone a lot. You could suggest things spur of the moment, instead?

[tamaris]

Haha Steve 5

[tamaris]

Nibble I think this is a good idea, maybe if she thinks I am not as available, it may make her think about it

[tamaris]

Thanks Ste x

[tamaris]

Thank you divebuddy, put that way it seems clear x

[jim360]

It does sound pretty bad, but I'm wondering if the key word is "often" rather than "always". I'd certainly suggest that you ask her if she can't try being more reliable in future (or words to that effect) but if you do get to spend time with her then I'm not sure that you should be moving on.

[Colmc54]

I agree with Jim 360. Some people really do live impossible lives but yet they still hope to have meaningful relationships. You need to be convinced, one way or the other, of her sincerity.

You can waste too much of your finite life on lies. But you posted the question so I guess you care enough to ask her seriously and directly what is the problem.

If you're not satisfied then we can all move on!

[tamaris]

Thank you , it is a problem, as she can be fiery and I don't want her to take it the wrong way if I mention it.

[China Doll]

Meh.... I've got a very good friend who has done this to me a good few times over the twenty years we've been friends; it just means that if I never feel bad about cancelling on her at short notice either. Whenever I have actually needed her she's been there without fail and that far out weighs any small amount of laziness/inconsideration on her part; she's a brilliant person. And we don't chat anywhere near the amount you and your mate do either.

[happyone2]

I must admit to being someone who sometimes cancels at the last minute, sometimes im tired, sometimes ive over stretched myself and sometimes ive not said no when I didn't want to go and then back out later..................... and I agree because I do it, I don't mind when my friends do the same for their own reasons, I just do something else.

And I also know my friends and I would be there if needed no matter what............so I suppose im saying if you are a good enough friend let it go or perhaps mention that when you book something with me, please feel free to say no if you don't want to come really!!!

Px