Could Someone Please Help Me Find The Right Words?

[Credulo]

My boyfriend is not contributing anything to the relationship and has family issues so I want to say in a firm but not confrontational way that I think we should be friends until he can contribute equally to the relationship. That sounds a bit harsh so any other ways to put it? TY

[woofgang]

"You know you used to be my boyfriend?......"

[gness]

Cred....if you get help on here it will be a rehearsed speech I think.... you know him.....it might be better to find your own words.....using our words could inadvertently hurt.

[Credulo]

This is by text, bad as it sounds he lives at the far end of the country and we are currently only texting. I am bad with words so would appreciate some other versions of what I wrote so I can find the right mix.

[Peaspeculiars]

Credulo - could you not call him instead of text? surely it would be better for him to read some of the emotion in your voice than by a flat text?

[Credulo]

Yes I suppose ringing would be better, but I didn't want to upset him as he has so much going on. I still need help with the words though :)

[Peaspeculiars]

Credulo, how about getting yourself a pen and paper and sit down and write what you would say to him if he were sitting in front of you right now.
Think of the reasons why you love him and include these, then think of the reasons that things aren't quite right at the moment.
Then read it back to yourself. How does it sound? too long? too short? a bit blunt? or too wishy-washy? and then cross out the bits that you think don't need to be in there.
As with all relationship questions on here, only you know the person - so have a try that way first, then come back to the post if you need help editing it. Having time to really think of what you want to say to him could help to clear your mind and de-stress you too.
All the best :-)

[Peter Pedant]

'I am going away by myself to think about things.... ' ?

Really there is no nice way of demoting useless boyfriend to friend....

[pixie373]

If he lives at the other end of the country and you're splitting up with him, i doubt you'll really remain friends. At least ring him and speak to him, as peas says. Be honest, but kind.

[anneasquith]

you and this boyfriend are only txting each other ? in what way would you like him to contribute more to the relationship, ?

[black_cat51]

"Yes I suppose ringing would be better, but I didn't want to upset him" what you mean is that YOU are too much of a chicken to deal with his upsetness then??
i don't get why you can't say what you have put here