Counseling Problems

[IHateIrma]

Me and my live in partner have had some problems because he thinks I’ve been seeing other men when I didn’t. We are having marrige counseling and he is also seeing a counseler himself. I’m fed up that he comes home from his therapy sessions and tells me how “Irma says”. Irma has said how I need help. The other day I found a note from Irma saying “Does IHateIrma see the good and bad in people? IHateIrma to do one to one with Relate about other men. Is IHateIrmas self esteem or self worth based on her sexuality and sex with other men?”.
I wrote to Irma and asked her not to do counseling thru him cos she is not my counseler. Now my bf is constantly saying that Irma says I need therapy to help me “come to terms” with my issues and that Irma and him know what is really going on in my head.
I complained to Irmas work association. They said I cant make a complaint because Irma is not my counseler. He just got back from his appointment with Irma who is very annoyed with me for making a complaint – now he says that the reason I did this is because Irma sees who I really am and I am scared. I tried talking to him but he says that Irma is right and I have to have therapy now. I just donot know what else to do. Irma says I need therapy which will help me deal with the damage I have done but I never did nothing!
I am so angry at him and this person.

[Hypognosis]

Afterthought:

Ask him which "signs your girlfriend is cheating on you" websites he has been reading. Read the page; stop displaying those signs.

Probably unhelpful but eliminate potential causes, however improbable they sound, until you arrive at the real reason he believes what he believes about you.

[ummmm]

If IHateIrma is doing nothing wrong she shouldn't have to adapt her behaviour. That'll be just giving him the power.

[Hypognosis]

Ummmm,

Agreed but I'm only saying that he may have come by some seriously duff advice from a male pal or mischievous faux advice on some website which is designed to attract clicks rather than dispense useful advice. The content only needs to be plausible (confirmation bias again) for them to read to the end.

I doubt most blokes would touch a "10 signs" page aimed at women so I'm guessing maybe women don't read the equivalent pages aimed at men.

If these pages are causing relationship breakups, maybe even domestic violence incidents, then they are sick, malicious and need to be shown up for that.

[ummmm]

They are the kind of things that maybe someone in their late teens early twenties might read.

I'm of the opinion that the majority of people would know, deep down, if their partners were cheating. Some people use the accusation against their partners to control them even though they don't really think it's happening.

[Hypognosis]

@Ummmm

//Some people use the accusation against their partners to control them even though they don't really think it's happening.//

I don't understand how being accused of something you know you haven't done can exert control over you. You know it's false so you shrug it off. Then you hound them down, to try and discover why they've set out to drag you down when you've done no such harm to them.

Then you leave, because they are possibly psychotic, on top of being manipulative.

I was going to suggest paranoia, on his part but irrational thinking is usually full of holes and someone as smart as a therapist would be alert to that. He somehow has The therapist convinced of enough things about his partner that merit "remote diagnosis" and treatment "for her behaviour".

Manipulative, persuasive, dictatorial. Not a good mix. Add charm/charisma and you get…

[ummmm]

Could be paranoid.
Could be a control freak.
Could be simply a nasty barsteward.

In my own personal experience it was B and C.

Leaving someone you live with is never easy. It's not love, it's housing and financial ties. No one would find it easy to get up and leave when they have nowhere to go and maybe no money.

We don't know enough about the OPs situation to be able to advise.