Men

[lulu85]

If a bloke lives far away, and due to living with an ex because of a kid can only come and see you every other weekend, maybe less, but when he comes, totally spoils you, but used to ring you 3+ times a day and send a couple or more texts a day whereas now, 2months on its either 1 phone call or a couple of texts, but they are really nice texts and when hes drunk he says he loves me and cant wait to see me, what should i think?

[sam100]

See what you mean Lulu!...
I would think that if he's a guenuine fella him ringing and txting is more important than what he buys you etc?
You post made it seem though that you tend to be almost a part-time girlfriend (dont mean that to sound harsh!)..
All i would say is make sure and be 100% postive that nothing is going on with the girl he lives with and that you are not being strung along...
If you are having a relationship with him the natural progression is to want to develop this relationship and are you going to get it from this person?
I would also be concerened that he only says that he loves you when his drunk?
If any of this rings true to you it might be a good idea to have a sit down face to face with this person and have a good old chat!!!!
Goold luck to you & i hope it all works out!

[Dolly1308]

Ditch him he's using you ! Get a fella nearer to you and preferably one that says he loves you when he 's sober .

[Pippa68]

Is he REALLY living with an ex...or is his wife living in blissful ignorance?

[lulu85]

From info from his friends and family - who all know about me, the story is that him n this girl were together when they were 20, they split, she rang him 6 months later sayin she was preggers and keeping it, he tried to do the right thing, it didnt work. they sleep in seperate beds, she asked if they'd be together if it wasnt for the kid n he told her no, he left her, she threatened to run away with the kid, he moved back in. This was all before he met me. The bit about saying he loves me doesnt really bother me, we dont know each other well enough. Its that he says all the right things via text and phone and shows it when he's with me, its just the lesser texts/calls and the fact of the whole situation! PLEASE HELP!!! Thanks x

[sam100]

It doesnt sound healthy that they are living together for the sake of the child as the intention may be good but most people say that this will never work! it does sound like she is also being slightly possessive and blackmailing him?
As for your relationship i know i would not be happy with his living arangements! i certainly would not put up with a relationship which is one call a day and the occassional visit as im sure you deserve more!!!
One day will he be moving out from with her to be with you or is this a dead end situation if he wont?
I really think you need to decide what you want from this bloke from the future and i know that rocking the boat sometimes seems hard but i think you shouldnt just seetle for being someones weekend girlfriend???
You have not said how old either of you are???
Theres plenty of fish in the sea...DONT SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST!!!!.xxxxx

[lulu85]

Im 21 and he's 25. She does seem to be taking the 'if I cant have you, no-one can' approach. I know I deserve more, but I really do like him!! He has contacted a solicitor to check his rights, but he is yet to make an appointment - he is self employed which makes it hard. He knows that ultimately staying with her in the situation they are in is not good for the child but he also doesnt want to be an absent father!

[sam100]

I have been in a similar situation of late with a man myself with a mental ex so i sympathise am also of a similar age to you guys...

My own experience has taught me that it is very true the "If i cant have you nobody will.." mentality. Unfortunately if you really like this guy and if you are prepared to stick with him you are in for one hell of a bumpy road as there will be three of you in your relationship me thinks!!!

All i would be asking myself is if he is totally worth it?

You will also need his support with regards to his ex as without it your up s****s creek!

By law he has rights to see his child and if he's a good father nothing will change it. The longer he is putting it off the harder it is going to get and there will never be a right time so may as well bite the bullet and get on with it!

As i said earlier just decide what you want, what your prepared to except and what the long term goal is and stick to it!
I can imagine that at the moment you are watching you phone waiting for him to ring?? (been there!) and i really sympathise with you as you must be tearing your hair out!!! (been there too!)

If he starts to delay and muck you around im sorry but your going to have to be a bit firm or be a dormatt!!

Hugs.xxx

[lulu85]

thank you sam, you have been a great help xxxx

[lulu85]

just to let anyone reading this thinking 'stupid girl' and the people that responded to me (thatnks for the advice by the way) Ive just finished with him!!! Yay for me!!! Hmm, think I may go and chain smoke for a while and eat lots of cakes...

[lulu85]

ok, now i am confused, he's like i was expecting it, but ur really special, blah blah blah. and he's given a genuine reason for the lack of contact, but he hasnt tried to stop it, he hasnt said he wants us to stay together and he says he hopes i find someone that deserves me, NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

[joby1]

erm...Bed? Just a thought :-)

[bird_81]

Find someone who does deserve you!! It sounds hard at the mo, but you will find someone worthy, a cliche I know. Most men, note i didn' t say all, are wan***s!!!!

[BBWCHATT]

Eat lots of ice cream - and make it thru one day at a time - every one that passes makes the next one a little easier. And keep your eyes open for somene with less baggage. I have always told those married guys - your wife and I both deserve better than you.

[sam100]

Fair play Lulu! Probably not the outcome you expected but i think it shows you were wasting your time!

I know its probably really hard for you at the moment but keep your head up, be strong and you can get through it. xxx