Too forward or me just to scared?

[leecamowol]

Hi,
After coming up to 6 months since I split with my one and only girlfriend (I'm 24, we spent 3 years together) and coupled with the completely crushing news that she has contacted me to tell me she has been seeing someone for the past month ... but I've had an offer from match.com.

This girl emailed me via the site and asked whether we could chat on MSN so I did do last night ... no I'm new to online dating and generally dating!! As me and my ex didn't do the whole dating thing as we were living together before hand but I'm a bit taken aback by this girls forwardness she seems nice but she asked me every question under the sun last night (so I asked her the same), she kept insisting on me sending any pictures i had of myself to her and shes wants to meet up later this evening. Now is this normal, I mean with the whole online dating I imagined maybe 1 or 2 emails before a date but what scared me even more is when I asked her where she would like to go he first response was your house followed by LOL then she named a pub. So I asked her was she being serious about my house (as it freaked me out a little bit) and she said she doesn't mind where we meet up!!

Also she kept asking for reassurance through the whole chat "do you like me then?" etc. So as I'm new to this game, and not the most forward guy I'm not sure if this is normal or she is a nutter!! LOL She's got my number now too as she asked for it.

Hopefully someone can give me advice before this evening! Thanks guys!

[leecamowol]

Just a little addition ... I've just received another text from her, it read:

morning you. you ok? what time did u get up?



Am I right to feel scared ... I'm feeling likes she a bit of a bunny boiler at the moment! Help?

[leecamowol]

OMG! I know I should wait for an answer first but shes just texted me again:

you know 2nite. where shall we meet? my dad can bring me,



I'm not meeting the relatives already am I! I'm very scared now!

[Suzyboo]

She does sound a bit full on for such a short acquaintance but since you liked her enough to agree to meet her, I think you should go ahead with it. After all, you have to start somewhere. I would try to avoid telling her exactly where you live or work though just in case you decide you don't want to see her again so she can't stalk you! If you get there first and wait inside then you won't have to see her Dad when he drops her off either.

[Suzyboo]

Forgot to say 'Good Luck!'

[caz247]

hiya
not sure if i can help but personally i think she
sounds a bit full on. i have been on a dating site for about seven months and only met one person and that was after
about a month of e-mails ,msn and texts.
all i can say is go with your gut instinct
good luck

caz x

[havinmysay]

yeah she does sound abit keen you must be really good looking,lol

You should be more careful about meeting someone as soon as this as they could be anyone.

Maybe she's insecure thats why she's ''smuthering'' u already and asking for compliments.

You gotta decide soon whether u do wanna meet,dont leed her on all day then let her down at the last minute
I agree with the above dont tell her where u live,work or go out,have a good night hun let us no how u get on xxx

[leecamowol]

Thanks guys for the responses. I've made the decision to not meet her and I have let her know. One reason is the obvious that I'm a bit sceptical about her over eagerness but the most important is I am not by a mile over my ex and I just feel that it would be bad of me to lead someone on knowing I don't feel ready for anything at the moment.

In fact I've taken my profile down from the dating website temporarily ... I just feel I'm hurting too much to consider anything ... to be honest I wondering if I need to seek help as I'm sceptical about reading conditions on the internet and fitting your circumstances to fit them but I have been contemplating suicide off and on recently along with unusual moods of ultra high so I'm wondering if I've got something worse than just heartache wrong with me?

[leecamowol]

Plus I'm thinking I might have had a lucky escape to be honest ... all I've had since I told her I;m not coming is text message after text message asking whats wrong with her? .. etc

I'm sorry I know I'm a novice but I'm guessing shes not the person I want anyway judging by this.

[havinmysay]

leecamowol go see your gp asap it sounds like the whole break up thing has really got to u dont be embarrased in talking to your gp i think u really need help maybe anti-depressants.
tell this girl to leave u alone and ignore her after that she will prob get bored after a while.

never feel your life is over,yes uv split up with the girl u love but there will be others it just takes time.
when i split with my ex after nearly 4 yrs i to thought my life was over my gp put me on anti-depressants a few months later never gave my ex a second thought.
good on u to remove your profile if your not ready
im thinking of u hun! x

[avityesboy]

Hi Mate

I feel for you as i was once in the same position, i split up with my first long term girlfriend when i was 26 we had 4 years together and it hurt a lot to say the least, so i went down the route of on line dating and took it seriously to start but once i had met up with a few and realised they were not for me (or vice versa) i chilled out more and just treated meeting with them as just a meeting with a mate and just to see how it went, over time the meetings got a lot easier and the further down the line you can get away from your ex the better. I eventually met up with a lovely girl who is now my partner and mother of our son and i couldn't be happier. The key to it (in my opinion) is keep telling yourself that your ex is an ex and you will find somebody better suited in the future, if you keep telling yourself she may come back etc etc it will hurt you even more and at the end of the day you split for a reason and that will only split you again if you were to get back together. Another thing is to not sit and stir your mind about your ex but go out with mates and enjoy this bit of single life you have as if like me you do meet the right person once you have a baby you will wish you had more nights out in the past!
Nige

[jump79]

just read the text msgs above, lol. Good call for putting it off, i'd have done the same, she sounds a bit desperate and very clingy, if she's like that (asking Q's nonstop) on the phone, & hasnt even met u, can u imagine what she'd have been like in person?

[888sally888]

You def did the right thing - her behaviour is not normal, trust me!!

[Sasha13]

havingmysay - the guy doesn't need antidepressants - he's just come out of a long term relationship and is feeling a bit low!!!!! That's not to trivialise your feelings leecamowol, but 6 months isn't a huge amount of time to get over a 3 year relationship. You've done the right thing not meeting up with this date tonight, she was far too full on. But don't feel bad about getting out there and meeting new people - it's one way to help yourself get over your ex. As long as you don't lead anyone on (which you didn't do by cancelling your date) then you're fine. One way to do this is make sure you have contact with someone, emails, phone calls etc for a little while before you meet. It sounds to me that you're handling your break up in a sensible and constructive manner - well done you! Good luck!!!! x

[Sasha13]

SORRY - I take it back - I didn't read the post regarding suicide and feeling ultra high sometimes. They could be symptoms of manic depression and are worth getting checked out by your GP.

[StudentGal]

Well close escape with the internet stranger, she sounded like a bit of a bunny boiler.

As for you weird mood swings, I think it's probably all getting used to routine and life without someone. After ii broke up with a serious boyfriend about 3 years ago now, I was convinced it was the worst thing in the world, I would never be happy again and that I would revolve in a worrld of perpetual misery for eternity. NOT TRUE I an pleased to say. 6 months later I felt free as a bird and was throughly enjoying being me on my own! Slog on through mate, it will get better

[smiley07]

im scared off her arghhhhhh..........wish u all the best in finding miss right

[leecamowol]

Thanks guys ... I've got a doctors appointment tomorrow morning.

I've been feeling so suicidal these past few days and I also had thoughts about killing the ex's new boyfriend. I also will seek help on that too, as someof you may remember back in December the night my ex moved out I strangled her for a few seconds (which I deeply regret) and I promised (on many people's advice) to go to the doctor then but I convinced myself I was over that.

Are you sure the doctor won't just tell me to get on with things and make me feel stupid?

[leecamowol]

Well guys I went to the GP at 8.30 this morning. Explained everything: how I was feeling, what I had done and I get very upset and she asked me to go and wait while she rang the mental health crisis team to come and assess me. Then she told me to go home and wait for the duty worker to phone me, which he did. We talked for half hour just like I'm talked with friends and family about things and he concluded that I was likely just "unhappy" rather than suffering from any illness. He also suggested I sounded okay (but this is my problem my mood swings from one extreme to the next) so he's said someone will phone me on Wednesday to arrange a referral on Thurdsday. He thinks my GP was being OTT. So now I'm feeling weird as okay it's good to know you're not ill but now I feel worse as I thought my behaviour was an illness and not just me!

At the very least I was expecting some kind of medication to help me get through the real low times because I don't want to feel like this for a week let alone enough time to "get through it".

[smiley07]

hiya hope u r feeling better............hoestly it is not necessary that you need medication....why dont you try something herbal go to pharmacy calming tablets whenever you feel down.......... i used to work with individuals with severe mental health problems suicidals drugs.all sorts............because your ex girl friend is seeing someone else...................think there is a reason for everything...........maybe this was best maybe so much happiness is around the corner for you .im sure you will find someone lovely.....time heals.......................besides prescribed medication has so many side effects honest you might not wanna go there...however if you feel you mmay do something aggressive etc then u need to speak to someone........................helpline???????
hope u get better quick......and loads of happiness around corner for you.......and that you become a calmer person in your self
all the best
let us know hpw u get on
take care