I've lost the one i love....

[Heartbroken]

I'm off work now and have been put on anti-depressants as i just can't cope, i know i'm gonna have to go back to work soon but just can't face it as sooner or later i will bump into him, above all this i reduced my hours at work which he fully encouraged me to do and now i have all my finances to sort out wondering how i'm going to cope.

I know everyone says it takes time to get over it and i need to get back to normal but i just can't do it as i still love him very much, i can't bear to think of him having any relationships in the future as my heart aches so much for him i just want to feel his arms around me again and i'm finding it so hard to accept the situation.

[maggie2708]

it sounds to me like your not ready to give up on your man yet!!!! if you can't let go yet maybe you should talk to someone like a councillor or a friend.
to give yourself a confidence boost why not have a therapy day hair, make uyp, get your nails done have a wax get a whole new look.There is nothing so unattractive then a lady who is moping about a man. pick yourself up,hold yourself high you don't need a man to e beautiful, show him what he let go. love maggie x remember you are beautiful

[Llamatron]

I kind of know how you feel. I wish I could think of something helpful to say to help but I can't so instead I'll share. Maybe that'll help.

I became somewhat infatuated with a girl I work with. I knew nothing could ever come of it but that couldn't stop how I felt. I have never felt anything so intense before or since

My days were a rollercoaster. When I talked to her I'd be on cloud nine but later I'd hear something about her that reminded me she and I would never be and I'd come crashing back down to earth and abject misery. Then I'd see her smile and I'd be back up again.

She knew how I felt and was completely wonderful about it which only made things worse. I remember when I figured out she was seeing someone. It was eating me up so I had to ask her if there was something going on. She said there wasn't but I knew she was just telling me what I wanted to hear. When I told the only person I'd confided in about it I was fighting back tears. I was a mess.

The obsession had taken over my every waking thought and I knew one day she'd come into work and announce that she was pregnant and it would probably kill me.

The only way I could get over it was to find someone else (not going to happen) or cut her out of my life. I actually moved into our server room for 6 months just to avoid her. It's sort of worked.

It's been five years now and I still see her a couple of days a week and only very briefly. Even now I can't bring myself to even look at her let alone talk to her. I still feel something but nothing as intense as before.

And she's still completely wonderful about me clearly ignoring her.

It's all so pathetic and I hate myself for it all.

[Llamatron]

Do you think there's a chance that you could get back together? If so you should certainly try.

Otherwise I'd suggest trying to cut contact down to zero. But I understand that working together makes that rather difficult.
For me it was the only way to at least try to get over her. She was the only girl I'd ever 'loved' (I'm still not sure if that's what it was) and I went through the most intense emotions I'd ever experienced so getting over her was going to be difficult anyway.

The only words of comfort I can offer is that the pain will fade with time but seeing them every day makes it oh so much harder. Hence why I still feel something for this girl where I work.

I wish you luck and you have my deepest sympathy.

[laurence2]

Heartbroken,
I've tried to read and digest your posts, but all that is standing out to me is he's used you, i'm sorry to sound so harsh but he see you on the rebound after being in a relationship for 9 years, with all the best will in the world, very rarely does a person come out of one relationship straight into another, i believe he knew what buttons to press with you, the wine & dine & meeting your daughter was only a natural thing to do when hes trying to impress you, all to often work & relationships don't go, i'm not saying they can't work, the majority just seem to fail.

It worrys me why someone in the same job as you actively encourages you to reduce your hours, WHY?

Now you have the burden of making ends meet financially, i can't make out for the life of me why you done this, unless he was willing to contribute towards the Bills etc, in which i believe you have learnt a harsh lesson.

What was his reason for ending his relationship in the first place, after all 9 years is along time to be with someone then it ends all of a sudden, you also said he had a very busy social life what you did'nt object to, maybe his previous partner did, because maybe he wasen't as up front truth wise as he is letting on.

I apologise if i have hurt your feelings, but their are two sides to every coin, He may well of come across as your knight in shinning armour but i suspect that when push comes to shove, he led you into believing what you wanted to hear then once the talk of wedding bells etc came along, that was his excuse to bail out so to speak.

Try not to get yourself to down, i understand it must be difficult for you going back to work etc, but the sooner you get back the better, if nothing else think of your little girl

Hope all turns out fine

[Heartbroken]

Thank you very much for your responses, it's comforting hearing other peoples points of view, however harsh they may be.
Laurence2 - i can see exactly where you're coming from but i can't honestly say that this guy has just used me, as far as i know his last relationship was at the end and i think it just so happened that i came along at that point and unkowingley to me i probably made his decision to finally finish with his ex a lot easier as we would discuss our problems at work. It was only recently in a heated argument that he said he left her - for me (great) which yes i know it sounds like a rebound thing but i honestly believe their relationship was over a good while before this anyway. Looking back i think i just got carried away with all the wining & dining and then he just moved in far too quickly. I've also found out that when he was with his ex he went out a lot and she didn't particularly like this either! but then he would just turn up with a bunch of flowers and all was forgotten. She was his girlfriend from school and i think he'd just had enough.

I say we work for the same company but we don't do the same job, whilst i'm based in the office he is site based but also works in the office from time to time too. The reason i cut my hours was due to childcare arrangements and also the fact that i took up a new position which would mean it wasn't a full time job anymore, if i hadn't taken up this position i would have been looking for another job, he told me to go for it as i had him now and i needn't worry about money. We split the rent and bills down the middle so i was finally able to save a little for things like xmas etc.

[Heartbroken]

I did say to him before he left that he wasn't ready to settle down and he said no, because i can't do the things i want to do, which kind of makes me think that he just wants to be totally independant and just do the lads thing.

The thing i'm most annoyed about is that he got it so wrong, i just can't handle the way he's done this, it would be less harsh if it was just me but to do this to my daughter aswell is so frustrating and he's said he still wants to take her out (even though she's not his) but he owes her nothing and i need to protect her from further heartache.