Me confused over ex

[Rosenicola]

Hi Guys,

I have a bit of a situation.

I split with my ex of 5 years last year because we were arguing over silly things and he was pressurising me into doing things I wasn't ready for i.e. moving out and renting a property and it was causing a lot of arguments

He was also quite boring and the only time he ever went out was to get drunk with his friends even though when we first met he wasn't like this. Any time I mentioned doing anything with me he was either skint or didn't want to.

We tried again at Xmas and I changed my mind about trying as I was scared of the same thing happening all over again. He says he still loves me.
We have kept in touch as friends, but last night I had a dream that he was with someone else. This someone else is a girl who has been trying to get with him for the last 5 years and the thought of them two together really sickens me. Maybe jealousy, I'm not sure. But she is still trying to get with him now and he likes her too, but said he wouldn't get with her as she sleeps around a lot.

Now I can't stop thinking of him. Is this jealousy or is there a part of me that still wants him. I'm so mixed up and don't want to make the wrong decisions again as it's hurting PPL's feelings.

Any advice xx

[Kaylz1988]

I think you are still hung up on your ex. Me and my BF went thru a similar situation. When we first met wasnt to keen on him so I broke it off coz he was really into me kinda scared me. Then we remained friends. Then he started seeing someone else and it killed me. I realised I did love him. Thankfully it wsnt to late. And were 2gether now. Maybe you should talk to him b4 u decide anything. Say if u2 do get bk 2gether u both need 2start doing things as a couple and he needs 2stop forcing u2 do things u dont want to. Gudluk xx

[4getmenot]

If you�ve tried more than once then it isn�t happening and its not fair on him to change you mind. My ex wanted me back and I�m with him now but if we split up again then that would be it, he only gets one chance, Looks like you�ve had many, you can�t mess with someone�s heart like that.

[Rosenicola]

Why do i feel like the bad one and he's the reason we split to start with. I'm just explaining why we split up..

He's the one that needed the chance after what happened.

I'm just saying, would it be worth another go based on what i've said..

Anyway, it should work out in the end..

Thanks

[4getmenot]

Why did he mess up? he could have easily said that you messed up because you always wanted to go out. I think you are just different, it would seem you want to go out whereas he wants to stay in and chill, and you cant change a person. As you said you�ve tried once, I don�t think you should try again. As I think the only way you would be happy is if he started going and doing what you want. I�m not saying you�re the bad one, he just wont give you what you want and visa versa. Move on and find someone that will, when you are happy it wont matter that he is with someone else.

[Rosenicola]

I know.. I am happyish - I have moved on, i think it's just seeing him and stuff..

Don't think i will go back as everyone splits for a reason and i know deep down it would be pointless anyway..

Be nice to keep him as a mate anyway.. and if i just got back with him too much damage will be done if it messes up and we might not even stay friends..

[4getmenot]

thats good :-) But really you do what you want at end of day :-) Didnt mean to diss you I just know how much it does hurt when someone who you did want a future with and they didnt then says they still love you. I do still feel upset when I see him with anyone. good luck. xx

[lizzydrippin]

I think you already know that its not what you really want (to get back with him I mean). It will stir some uncomfortable emotions in you when you do see him with someone else to begin with but trust me, when you start seeing someone new yourself those feelings will immediately change from feeling jealous to feeling really relieved that he is also seeing someone and you don't have to worry about him. Its always hard to break up after such a long term relationship but once the dust has settled you'll both be really happy with the 'special' friendship you'll always share. Look forward to your exciting future, it'll be great!

[lady_p_gold]

However much we might deny it, sometimes we all have selfish thoughts and think unreasonable things. I think this is a case of 'I don't want him but I don't want anyone else to have him' which eventually will fade. I think that he is not right for you and you really know this, and because he might hook up with someone else is certainly not the reason to entertain trying yet again.

[nutgoneflake]

Five years is a long time to be with someone, and you won't get over it overnight. I was in a similar situation quite a long time ago, and my Dad said something which has stuck in my mind ever since. He told me I never had to 'make do' with someone who made me 75%, 85% or even 95% happy, because there would be someone, somewhere who would crack the 100% mark. Anything less is selling yourself short. When THAT one comes along, moving in will feel right, you'll enjoy the same things, and you won't have to do any soul-searching again.

A bit over-romantic, perhaps? Maybe, but you'd have your pride and self-respect intact that way. Don't just give it another go to see if it's any better next time - neither of you will have changed, and you'll end up miserable again.

You need a clean break and not to see him at all for a bit, in my humble opinion. Wishing you a 100 per center in the future! xx

[Rosenicola]

Very nice Nutgonrflake

I like that one and i agree its very true

Thanks everyone else too..

xxxx