Complicated relationship, pregnancy, and I'm scared for me

[chimpanzee]

I wrote a post a while ago, it's just got so much more worse. I really need your help.

See below...

[chimpanzee]

The original post is http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/R elationships-and-Dating/Question372802.html

I found out that I am pregnant, I told him, expecting him to be over the moon. But he wasnt and I was devastated. I was in the pub, his girlfriend came over and slapped me, started a fight and he didn't even stop her. I cried so much, I couldnt believe he didnt tell her it was wrong to fight me.

So I thought Id just cut him off for good fair enough he's the father but I have my daughter to consider and she doesn't deserve to be surrounded by this violence. Ive brought up a child single handedly before so I thought I can do this again.

It was all quiet until she approached me and apologised (fairplay) but then said that her and the father would like to adopt my baby when it was born. They offered me a lot of money. OK i Know this sounds like something off Eastenders but I swear it isn't - they're my age (21) and they aren't rich. I said I'd think about it but inside I was disgusted - how can I even consider
selling my baby? I wouldn't for ANY amount of money. But I can't deny the thought didn't cross my mind to take the money then keep the baby, just cos I'm so hard up.

I told her no and that was it. But then he came round to my flat and told me he loved me and that he was ashamed of his girlfriends behavious in the pub. He said he'd leave her to be with me when the babys born and I really want to believe him, but I don't think I do. He comes round every so often and we end up in bed, but though I hate myself for it, I can't stop myself. I just want to feel loved and he's the only one that makes me feel special.

Sorry for the long question but I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore, I'm so confused and it's making me depressed and really

[chimpanzee]

consider ending things, and I would if it weren't for my daughter and this baby.

Please help.

[redhead23]

GOD

WHERE is your self respect ? am i right then in the fact that this man has a girlfriend ? has got you pregnant

sleeps with you and her at the same time

are u not worried about S.T.D'S ????

[chimpanzee]

I just want someone to love me and I thought he did. I didn't know he had a girlfriend when we started having sex. Then he said he'd leave her but it was too late I was already pregnant, I just didn't know it.

Don't judge me, I need help, not telling off. I know I've been stupid but I really thought he was 'the one'. More fool me.

[redhead23]

ok fair enough i dont mean to sound harsh chimp - but you do have to think about other issues like s.t.d.'s as well and HE LET HER HIT YOU ??/ do u really want to be with this guy ?

[redhead23]

u say he said he will leave his gf when baby is born , yet his gf has offered u cash for her and him to adopt the baby ??? i dont get it

does this not prove he is lying to you both and making you both hear what u want ?

[chimpanzee]

I know, I got tested for STD's and all was clear thankfully. We used protection, cos I insisted, but obviously this baby wasn't planned. I'm just really confused, hurt and I don't know what to do. I'd move away but I can't afford to. I'd end it all, but I can't do it to my daughter. I'm just a mess to be honest and I can't see things getting any better.

[chimpanzee]

I know you're right redhead, my best friend knows and says he's a rat, but she's not here right now and I really needed some help.

I know I should just forget about him, move away but I don't have the money. But everytime I tell myself I'm not doing this anymore, he turns up and makes me feel wanted. I have to be stronger when he's about but I can't help it, I LOVE him so much it hurts :(

[redhead23]

t6hings will get better but you must become strong first
letting this man treat you like this is not helping you , you say you will never be loved like this again ???
that is not love its a man getting his leg over , playing two girls off one another and letting her hit a pregnant woman .

you should mabye see ur doctor and get some antidepressents
and start standing up for yourself a bit more
you are letting him treat you like crap
this is not a good basis for a child to be born you know that dont you ? x

[redhead23]

you sound to me chimp like your so desperate to feel wanted you will put up with anything

yes you are wanted but by a RAT
do u want that
we all get lonely but there are loads of good men out there that will treat u better , your friends tell you this too !!!
that is not a good enough reason for letting him treat you like this

honestly chimp can u see yourself being with him in the future??? do ur parents approve ???

i think you should cut off all ties with him in a realtionship sense but let him see his child when its born

does he live with his gf or you ???

[chimpanzee]

He lives with the other girl. I wish he lived with me.

I know I'm stupid, and I know you make sense. It's just so hard :(

[redhead23]

the answers are all in front of you , he LIVES WITH ANOTHER GIRL

Chimp please take my advice and stop this

[xJx]

sounds similiar to the whole dawn/rob/may storyline in eastenders

[chimpanzee]

Yeah like I already said J, it's not the same.

Helpful post *rolls eyes*

[redhead23]

OI CHIMP

answer some of my questions please wat u guna do and why is he living with his gf so who are u in his life then ? just the girl he got up the duff? wat do ur parents think

[chimpanzee]

Sorry redhead your questions.......

honestly chimp can u see yourself being with him in the future???

I can see me being with him in the future somehow. I LOVE him, I've never felt like this about anyone. He makes me feel special, loved and wanted. I've never felt this with anyone. Now we're having a baby together, we have something to share. His girlfriend doesn't enter my mind here, but when I think of her I feel so awful. I didn't know about her when this all started, if I did, I'd never have let anything happen, I swear.

do ur parents approve ???

They've never met him I'm afraid. Though if they did I'm sure they'd love him, he's perfect. Much better than my daughters father who is currently in jail.

does he live with his gf or you ???
I already answered this, he lives with the other girl, but I know if she weren't in the picture he'd be living with us.

[chimpanzee]

And, your other questions.....

answer some of my questions please wat u guna do and why is he living with his gf so who are u in his life then ?

There is no doubt I'm keeping the baby, I love it already, it's part of him and me. I'd never sell it like she offered. Not in a million years. I hope we bring it up together but if he chooses her over us, I'll do it alone as I already have done with my daughter. I love this baby so much I'll do ANYTHING I have to, to make it happy.


just the girl he got up the duff? wat do ur parents think

Not 'just the girl he got up the duff' I know I mean more to him than that. I'm the girl who's carrying his first baby. The girl he's with now can't have kids, so maybe his ONLY child. We have more of a bond than that. When I see him I melt, and I can't believe I'm so lucky to have him, he shouldn't waste his time on me but he does and I love him for it.

[~Wingnut~]

Why doesn't he just leave his girlfriend now? why wait until the baby's born? Sounds like he has the best of both worlds. You've asked for advice, red has been very kind in giving you her advice, good advice too! She's obviously concerned for you but yet you still want to be with him and love him, I'm sorry but what exactly do you want to hear/be told?
You say your parents have never met him but if they did they would love him! Yeah answer that one again but truthfully this time! You really think your parents would love a man who has knocked their daughter up whilst he was living with another woman (still is), who then didn't stop his girlfriend beating you up whilst pregnant with his child! now calls round for sex when he pleases and promises to leave his girlfriend when the baby is born! Sounds a catch, Do they know your pregnant?

I think you'll probably find once the baby is born, he'll ****** off back to his girlfriend with baby in tow and you'll be left trying to fight for him/her and the only reason he is sleeping with you is because he can!

If your depressed get to your doctor and tell your concerns to your midwife or health visitor.