First Love

[lainiej]

I think I must be going through a mid-life crisis. I'm 49 and have been married for 4 yrs (3rd marriage).
My marriage is not the happiest or most physical relationship that I would like and I feel rather neglected to be honest.
Lately I have been obsessing about my first real boyfriend and wishing I could get to see him. He is married with 2 grown up children. I took the plunge and emailed him via the Evil Friends Re-united on his birthday. He replied with a lovely long email asking what I was doing now. We have emailed twice since.
I realised that I was in danger of becoming a bit of an internet stalker so I told him that I understood if he didnt want to keep in touch although it would be nice and gave him my own email address.
Should I try to re-file him back into my past life? I think I already know the answer but I needed to get something down in writing.
Thanks for your advice
Elaine x

[raysparx1]

Hi lainie, I know exactly what you are saying, I have also been in touch with my first love, but we have not met up yet,and I want to but I am also nervous, what if,??? what if feelings returned, feelings that have been hidden for many years, I am happily married, but we never forget our first love do we, but what we have to also remember is we also broke up and there are reasons why we broke up aren't there, it could lead to a lot of heartbreak for a lot of people if you did rekindle feelings in both of you, be very careful lainie, the feelings are coming back of past happiness mainly because you aren't happy at the moment and yearn for the clock to turn back, basically what I am saying is, "There is no fiuture in the past" christ knows if I am making any sense here, just take care if you do decide to meet, think long and hard before you do, hope you are happy in the future, Ray xx

[jno]

if you're on your third marriage, it sounds as if you have been through a few crises before. This may be the bleedin' obvious, but have you sat down and had a good think about what exactly you want out of a partner, why you haven't got it, what went wrong with previous relationships, whether any of it involved missing warning signals etc.

To be honest, one warning signal might be if a married man started flirting with you on email.

Not saying you're at fault with things that have gone wrong in the past, but you can take steps to lessen the chances of it happening again.

[lainiej]

Hi ray. Thank you so much for your post. You tell it exactly as is it for me. I cant understand how I'm yearning for a man who I loved almost 30 yrs ago!! I was with him for 3 yrs - 17 -20 - and we broke up because of his career really.
I still have the engagement ring we bought together but never got engaged. He gave the ring to me on my 21st. I also still have the poetry he wrote for me. I feel totally ridiculous and some part of me thinks that perhaps the reason why I've been married 3 times and am still searching is because I've already had the love of my life and am unable to match it.
How did you come to make contact with your first love?

[raysparx1]

Hi lainie, I made contact exactly the same way as you through friends reunited, good thing bad thing, I am not sure, I also want to meet, and we keep saying we will meet, but something is holding me back, we were never engaged but we met very young and split up when I was about 18, so very young but first love is very special and as they say, "The first cut is the deepest" and that is so true, if you do meet it may lead to happiness it may lead to heartbreak, but either way somebody is going to end up hurting inside aren't they, what you say may well be true, but we also do look back with rose tinted glasses don't we, the grasss was greener, the summers were better, we were young, we had no worries, was it really that good, or are the memories better than the reality, i don't know the answer, you don't say if you have mentioned to him about meeting, have you ? and if you have what did he say? I can't advise you as to what to do, just understand how you feel, all I can say is what i did before, think more than once about meeting, take care and good luck with your future happiness, Ray xx

[fine,thanks]

this is great reading all about first love deep cuts and all, but with all due respect , do your respective partners know you e mail old girl , boy friends ?

[raysparx1]

Hello fine,thanks, yes my wife does know I am in contact, we send christmas cards etc, but as I have said meeting is very dodgy ground, first love is first love, it is the past, maybe it will work for some to meet, for me I am happy in my marriage, if I wasn't I would want to meet for certain, it may seem odd to some but my wife knows me very well and trusts me 100%, I have no intention of ever betraying that trust

[sunflower71]

i dunna really don't know to advise for you,
In one way I say go for it, there is always something nice about past relationships expecially at the age you were when you were together.
In another way I think leave it as a nice memory.
If my skool sweetheart got in touch i think i would love to chat but wouldnt want to met up, and yes I have semi stalked him online!
whatever happens lainiej may it bring you happiness

[lainiej]

Hi fine,thanks. My husband doesnt know that I have emailed this person although he does know about him. I dont make a regular thing of emailing my old boyfriend - in fact I've never done it before. I know its totally hypercritical of me to do it as I would be devastated if he did the same to me.
No ray I havent suggested meeing up. I felt it was too soon anyway. What ever you decide to do I hope you find what you are looking for elaine x

[maggie01]

Why do you need to get in touch with someone from long ago. My husband is in a mid life crisis and I can tell you it is devasting for the spouse. If things are not so good in your marriage, please work at it and leave old flames where they are. People are going to get extremely hurt

[fizzyBee]

I think everyone is attached to their first love and always remember them, especially when current relationships run into troubles but it's because with your first you had an innocence and a romantic idea of love but the more relationships we go through the more we see thats not how it is. Thats the past and it's the past for a reason. There is no harm in being friends, if you can do that without allowing feelings to develop.

[Suade7]

I am so totally with you on this question, I feel exactly the same way as you do and I am twenty six! I got married really young (it didn't work out- surprise, surprise) and i'm now living with my partner of 3 and a half years and feel like i'm totally suffocating! Between my marriage and meeting my current partner, there was one man who I now think about every single day of my life. He was approaching thirty when I was twenty-two and I didn't understand everything he would talk about, plus being so young, I was still quite wet beind the ears and jealous of his female friends-sad! It was weird because I have never experienced anything like it, but when you were in a room with him, there was only him in the room! I have tried to find him, but the last I heard he was going to Australia! People say I should not go after people in the past, (he probably has not even given me a second thought)! I wonder though and ask all the time why I could not have just met him when I was abit older! I think you should pursue it though, it kills me the thought of never seeing my lost love again and no I'll never find him now! GO FOR IT, I WISH I COULD!X