do i confront him or dump him, hurt and angry

[minnie1974]

hi all, im desperate for some advice as im absolutely in pieces. i met my current boyfriend in feb, we'd been speaking on the net first for 3 years, we clicked and moved in together, he left his wife and came too live with me, he's twenty years older than me. he's 53 im 34, im 3 months pregnant, he's made it clear he dosent want the baby, saying he dosnet want too be a dad again, the only support ive had was when he came with me too n abortion clinic, thankfully i didnt go through with it. Thats just some background info, tonight while he was asleep i went through his phone and find loads of texts off his wife, asking him too come home, why all the broken promises when you tell me you still love me etc he even sent her flowers for her birthday. i know he met her last week, as he said she turned up at his work, he told her we'd split up so i wouldnt get anymore hassle off his family, but it seems he's told her he wants too go back too her. there were also alot of calls too women, the dates and times when ive been working a night shift and flirt account numbers etc. im devastasted and feel hurt and uses. what do i do confront him and admit ive been snooping or get rid??? please help

[5487]

Get rid tbh.
He was irresponsbile enough to impregnate you but couldnt take the responsibility,
He doesnt know what he wants and he's too much of a coward to decide between you and his ex wife so the bottom line is, would you want a man like that fathering your baby?- i think, seeing as i dont know a thing about you personally, that ANYBODY deserves better.
A relationship is something personal between 2 people and if he's too immature to sustain just that, then you should throw him out on his ass.
Maybe because you're now in a routine you feel somewhat needy- but don't be because as the cliche goes ''theres pleanty more fish in the sea'' so go get somebody decent!!!!
xxx

[pastafreak]

2 words.....Get Rid!!!...he sounds like a user/abuser.....certainly not worth the potential hassle of staying with him. It sounds as if he will never be faithful-either in the 'real' world.....or in some fantasy life. There are other,good men out there who would be happy with a woman like you, and show you true appreciation...find one of them!

[Ice.Maiden]

I think the shock of you getting pregnant so quickly, has made him look back to the family he left behind, and it's not often that men of his age actually leave their wives for good. I don't think this man's right for you at all, and if you don't get rid of him, I think he'll leave you anyway. However, he has a responsibility to your child, and it may mean that you'll need toe CSA to help work out the financial implications.

[ChuckFickens]

it looks like most the answers you have got so far are a womens point of view so for a blokes point of view..

Get rid of him!! he is using you, he hasn't shown any commitment even when you got pregnant even though it's is as much his as yours.

Sorry minnie, but there are a lot of blokes out there that only want one thing, and I think you found one!!

from what you said he won't really leave his wife and is just stringing you along!

I really hope your ok and find the right man... but this one is not it!!

Mark.

[vehelpfulguy]

I am afraid you have dug your own hole.

You chatted to him for 3 years on the web presumabely knowing he was married (for some of it anyway).

You happily helped him to break up his home and leave his wife and children.

I think you will get very little sympathy from anyone.

[unhappychick]

Flirt account numbers, calls to women while you are at work, and texts to his ex wife!
I know what I would do, tell him all what I had found and have his bag ready and packed ready to throw at him!
This man clearly doesnt know what he wants in his life, so if it were me I would make the decision for him and get shot of him, pregnant or not!

[luckyfish]

like unhappychick, i would definately confront him AND dump him ( i like the touch of the bag being chucked at him)
even if you don't feel strong enough to dump him, deep down inside you know it's the best thing and i'm sure you will have your friends there to support your decision.
looks like there are plenty of reasons for you to dump him, and you don't need to feel bad for snooping cause it looks like you had good reason to do this!
I would already have be angry with him telling his wife you'd broken-up, why isn't he proud of the relationship you have, regardless of what hassle he gets?
as for the calls to all the other woman, there is no excuse for him flirting while you're at work!!!

shame on him and i hope that you remove yourself from this equasion ASAP.

[JK04]

vehelpfulguy is right, its your mess. your a home wrecker n deserve no sympathy.

[cheries]

Ouch!
Leaving alone the male comments about this being "your mess" and yours alone (presumably you impregnated yourself whilst this marvellous example of a human male was in a coma) I do agree with some of the comments posted that you should start running now and not look back.

[lubecki161]

Bit harsh JK04! Everyone makes mistakes and he was the one that was married! He made the vowes not her!! Women are always getting the blame she was wrong yes but not married!!

Minnie you should have known someone like that who would do that to his wife would do that to you! Your still young enough to move on get rid of that old loser and bring up your baby with out him! He doesnt deserve anyone! You can bring this baby up and find someone else eventually!
Just stay away from the married one next time yeah?!! xx

[pips1]

Although I can't stand women who help break up families (I had it done to me and it really hurts!), I do feel for you as you are pregnant. However, he is NO GOOD so get rid of him asap. He will NEVER change, and I do know what I am talking about!! Believe me, there is not enough room on all these sites to tell you what I've been through. Good Luck.

[raysparx1]

Helpulguy is so right, did you think how his wife would feel when he left her to move in with you? what made you think he wouldn't at some point cheat on you as well, he is a user, and he will never change, he will probably go back to his wife and she will accept him back, he will do it again and again, at least keep your dignity, tell him to do one before he just craps all over your life even more than he has done, I do feel for you, so I apologise if what I have said upsets you, but believe me you will be better off without this turd. hope you can find somebody decent to love and look after you, Ray

[Drisgirl]

She probably fell for the oldest trick in the book -my wife and I are like brothers and sisters -I wouldnt stand in judgement minnie -you are reaping what he sowed as it was him who probably seduced you.

Not only is he cheating on you texting his ex -that is understandable cos he will go back to her-hard bond to break -he doent want a baby -grandchildren maybe but that it -I am 49 and no way would I want another kid.

He's also cheating with flirt lines -he doesnt want you hun and this is gonna be so tough for you but please boot him into touch -tell him what a perverted ******* he is and then once he's gone close the door on him and that period of your life.We all learn from mistakes.

Please let us know how you get on as you are in a vulnerable position and to post at that time in the morning then also in need.

I dont think you need anyone to be harsh with you ATM -bet you are kicking your own arse -just someone to talk to.

Good Luck and take care xxx