girl friends children

[stevecain]

just started seeing a new girl friend who has a 12 year old daughter who goes mad every time we wont to see each other any one had this prob or got any advice

[unhappychick]

Sounds like her daughter sees you as a threat. she maybe afraid that her mums attentions are going to be elsewhere, ie, with you and not her.

I would suggest your girlfriend has a talk with her daughter and explain that she loves her very much, but mum needs some time for herself and that that doesnt mean she doesnt love her any less, but as an adult needs to take a bit of time out for herself, im sure that with some reassurance she will learn to accept you and your relationship...good luck!

[andy-hughes]

unhappychick is spot on.

This is a vulnerable age for a girl sho has just seen one parent walk out of the family home, and no doubt harbours fears about the second one doing the same thing.

Your partner needs to reassure her that everything is still fine between them, her mum is not leaving, she is not having a 'new dad', or any of the other fears that will be roaming through the poor child's mind.

For your part, be nice, and keep your mouth shut!

On no account try to get round her, be her 'friend' or discuss any of the issues above, when the time is right, she will unwind a little, so wait until then before building any links.

I know, I am step-dad to two daughters, so I have been there. It's not easy, but it can be done.

Be patient, be aware, be nice.

Good luck.

[Velvetee]

I'd personally try to meet someone childless. It's such a big committment taking on someone elses children and can be very hard getting them to accept and approve of you.

[unhappychick]

sorry velvetee, I dont agree with you there, nowadays there are soo many single parents, men and women...also it depends on how much the parent would "depend" as you say on the new partner...There are many success stories out there and andy hughes is one of them

[stonekicker]

all reassurances and cuddly approaches aside - after the mum telling her daughter she loves her etc can she not put her foot down and insist on some manners and respect as well? its not like the child is 4 and has less control over her behaviour. if you pander to her and mollycoddle her, the child may think she has won - engendering the original problem and sidelining yourself. mum should stick up for herself and also explain that she is entitled to a life and that daughter should bl00dy well behave herself too.

[Ice.Maiden]

Well said TM. x

[stonekicker]

btw - i used to know a steve cain when i was younger. you wouldn't happen to be early thirties from the bussage area, would you? now that would be freaky...

[stevecain]

thank you all very much for your help and advice


stone kicker no late 30s south coast