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In a dilemma
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Me and my ex split up about a month ago and have been trying to remain good friends and still share a flat albeit in separate rooms.
My head is so up and down about things I'm not really sure what the best direction for me to go in is.
I was OK at first but as time goes on part of me is wishing we could give things another go and work through any issues we had to make things better as do get on really well and care about each other and made a good partnership. We never fought or argued or anything and I think we could have a chance at making things work.
Things have been really upsetting me like knowing he kissed someone one night out drinking and spent the night with another girl another night. That tells me I do still have feelings for him even though part of me hates him because of the hurt he's caused me.
I know he feels like he needs to be single for a while and do the whole single thing as he's never really done it
I understand that but it's breaking my heart and I wonder if i should just draw a line under it and move out on my own as I'm finding it hard to cope with all the emotional ups and down and fed up of crying and hurting.
Part of me feels like I can't let go until I try and give it another chance.
Due to his financial situation if I go he will have to move back in with his parents to pay his debts back as he can't afford to get a place of his own.
I'd value any opinions as I'm driving myself mad at the moment :)
My head is so up and down about things I'm not really sure what the best direction for me to go in is.
I was OK at first but as time goes on part of me is wishing we could give things another go and work through any issues we had to make things better as do get on really well and care about each other and made a good partnership. We never fought or argued or anything and I think we could have a chance at making things work.
Things have been really upsetting me like knowing he kissed someone one night out drinking and spent the night with another girl another night. That tells me I do still have feelings for him even though part of me hates him because of the hurt he's caused me.
I know he feels like he needs to be single for a while and do the whole single thing as he's never really done it
I understand that but it's breaking my heart and I wonder if i should just draw a line under it and move out on my own as I'm finding it hard to cope with all the emotional ups and down and fed up of crying and hurting.
Part of me feels like I can't let go until I try and give it another chance.
Due to his financial situation if I go he will have to move back in with his parents to pay his debts back as he can't afford to get a place of his own.
I'd value any opinions as I'm driving myself mad at the moment :)
Answers
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Jenna - I don't know how old you both are, but if I was in your shoes, I'd tell him how you feel. Then back off and give him say, a three month time limit to sort his feelings out. After that time, you might've moved on yourself - or perhaps you'll both realise that you're meant to be together after all. x
Thank you :) I'm 29 and he's 31.
He was out all night last night and I was in bits thinking he was with someone else again.
He wasn't but it really made me think I need to do something.
He's being sooo lovely to me as well, really really nice and we just had a fantastic time on a holiday in New York we'd booked before we split up.
I'm not really a jealous or possessive kind of person but I think my body clock has definitely started to tick and am a bit taken aback with the way things are making me feel.
He's out on his brother's stag do tonight so will have a chat with him tomorrow when he comes back.
He was out all night last night and I was in bits thinking he was with someone else again.
He wasn't but it really made me think I need to do something.
He's being sooo lovely to me as well, really really nice and we just had a fantastic time on a holiday in New York we'd booked before we split up.
I'm not really a jealous or possessive kind of person but I think my body clock has definitely started to tick and am a bit taken aback with the way things are making me feel.
He's out on his brother's stag do tonight so will have a chat with him tomorrow when he comes back.
Sounds like a plan :) In his defense, we had split up when he went with someone else so not technically cheating but I guess that's what it feels like with it being so soon.
I've been trying to make some sense of my feelings over the past few weeks but they've been so up and down and I've had a lot of bad feelings towards him which made me think I needed to walk away but I think it's a sign I'm not over him yet in having those feelings.
We talked about it a few weeks ago and he said he wouldn't try again at that point and I got really upset then got all defensive and tried to make out I then didn't want to get back with him and it was a mistake because I was hurting so much.
Argh!!!!!! Feelings, who'd have em! It's done me good just getting my feelings out though rather than bottling them up.
I've been trying to make some sense of my feelings over the past few weeks but they've been so up and down and I've had a lot of bad feelings towards him which made me think I needed to walk away but I think it's a sign I'm not over him yet in having those feelings.
We talked about it a few weeks ago and he said he wouldn't try again at that point and I got really upset then got all defensive and tried to make out I then didn't want to get back with him and it was a mistake because I was hurting so much.
Argh!!!!!! Feelings, who'd have em! It's done me good just getting my feelings out though rather than bottling them up.
We are here to help you, not live your life for you, Jenna. Saying that though, if there is any possibility at all of getting back together, as you still feel that way, go for it. I know I would get back together in an instant with some of my exes, but they all found someone else, so no hope of that. Why did you split up in the first place, anyway? Neither of you had an affair, did they?
I know :) To be honest it helped just to get my feeling down and out of my head to try and rationalise them.
No affairs on either side.
I think he feels like he needs to be single for a while as he's never really done the whole single thing properly as had not long come out of a very long relationship before meeting me.
There was an issue as I had sex drive problems and had lost a lot of self image due to feeling ill a lot, work being mad and having my confidence severely knocked.
I think he felt like he wasn't loved enough which is so far from the truth but I now know a lot of what went wrong in how he didn't see it and really want to put it right.
No affairs on either side.
I think he feels like he needs to be single for a while as he's never really done the whole single thing properly as had not long come out of a very long relationship before meeting me.
There was an issue as I had sex drive problems and had lost a lot of self image due to feeling ill a lot, work being mad and having my confidence severely knocked.
I think he felt like he wasn't loved enough which is so far from the truth but I now know a lot of what went wrong in how he didn't see it and really want to put it right.
Hi Jenna...i guess you and he need to sit down and talk and be honest with each other. - find out what you both want from this relationship. If he needs some time to be single, so be it - you use this time to build up and work on your self esteem. After that period (a month, 3 months, whatever) maybe you can both discuss the situation again and decide where to go from there. Good luck. :-)
What a horrible situation for you to be in....personally I dont think I could take watching someone who I loved enjoying himself with other women....I would talk to him for definate and share with him how you feel, if he still wants to be single, I would have to move out as its not fair to you...good luck! x
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